Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 +---------------------------------------------------------------+ | | | NN NN AAAA MM MM VV VV EEEEEEE TTTTTTTT | | NNN NN AA AA MMM MMM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM M M MM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM M MM VV VV EE TT | | NN N NN AAAAAAAA MM MM VV VV EEEEE TT | | NN N NN AA AA MM MM VV VV EE TT | | NN NNN AA AA MM MM V V EE TT | | NN NN AA AA MM MM VVV EEEEEEE TT | | | | The International Newsletter for Vietnam Veterans | +---------------------------------------------------------------+ Editor in Chief: Todd Looney Assistant Editor: G. Joseph Peck | NAM VET is a special )| electronic newsletter dedicated to _+|__|_ * VIETNAM |--- --| VETERANS * around the ------------------------=========================== world and \_______________________________________________) provided as a ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ service to participants in the International Vietnam Veterans Echo Con- ference (IVVEC) available on many FidoNet (tm) bulletin boards throughout the United States, Europe, Australia, and Canada. _ Not all of the articles appearing in here | are written by participants in the IVVEC, but NAM VET | is very much an electronic newsletter by, -----/_\----- of, and for Vietnam veterans, their -O==============< : >==============O- friends, wives, and lovers. ( ) (...) ( ) If you are a veteran or anyone else wishing to express yourself concerning our Nation's Vietnam or other related experience, you are invited to submit material for publication to the Vietnam Veterans Valhalla (*DOWN*), VETLink #1 (321/203), or to any BBS carrying IVVEC whose sysop can forward your work from there. NAM VET is published | monthly by Vietnam Veterans Valhalla and/or VETLink #1. | The views expressed are not necessarily those of the NAM VET, | its staff, or any of its volunteers. |____====________ The newsletter is ||__________}____)==================|) made up of =============---------------------===_____ articles and items /| | | | |\\from other newsletters \________|__________|_________|_________|/ and a variety of \\(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)___(O)// other sources We are not responsible for the content of this information nor are any of the above-mentioned parties. ____________ ======= _________________/|_____... | | " === |_______________| |-----::: |._ - " ) |_|___| Duplication and/or distribution is / / |___| permitted for noncommercial purposes only For other /_/use, contact: Todd Looney at (408) 947-7668 - or - G. Joseph Peck at (413) 442-1660 ================================================================= T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S 1. EDITORIALS And we did .............................................. 1 They haven't forgotten FREEDOM ... or YOU!!! ............ 4 Memorial Day - 1989 ..................................... 5 2. WOMEN & VETERANS BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES ................................. 7 In Memory of Jesse ...................................... 10 The Other Forgotten Warriors ............................ 15 Finally Here!!! ......................................... 19 3. GENERAL ARTICLES Korean Conflict Memorial AT LAST! ....................... 20 Personal Responsibility in Traumatic Stress Reactions ... 21 You bet your sweet bippy I am! .......................... 32 4. Notices of current interest Emergency with VA Medical Care .......................... 34 Agent Orange Claims to be reviewed ...................... 36 Point man confronts G-men ............................... 38 5. MEMORIES Ho Chang ................................................ 40 The Ultimate Snatch ..................................... 43 6. State and Federal Benefit Information Veterans Guide to Benefits .............................. 45 7. Miscellaneous Can ya help??? .......................................... 48 1989 Schedule of the Mini-Wall .......................... 49 Comments about The Wall ................................. 50 8. Electronic Vets A Vet-Oriented BBS Near You ............................ 53 9. Subscribe Now! Subscription Form ....................................... 59 10. Hearts n' Minds Hearts n' Minds remember... ............................. 60 NAM VET Newsletter Page i Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= E D I T O R I A L S ================================================================= AND WE DID Editorial by: G. Joseph Peck Assistant Editor Sysop - VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413-443-6313) FidoNet 1:321/203 The rain clouds blew away just before dawn. When the sun rose, its light made everything seem new. Opened car windows let in the fragrance of freshly cut grass and a forest-like odor curiously reminiscent of a time long ago and far away quickly filled my nostrils. Somewhere deep inside of me, something stirred and awoke a restless, searching, familiar sensation. The feeling was akin to something like I'd felt after a nighttime tour on guard duty. I turned the car towards my old home town. The still-wet roads looked newly paved and residents of the sleepy little town were just brewing their coffee when I arrived and parked the car next to the unopened Post Office. Restless still, I began to walk - to retrace footsteps of many years ago. Familiar sights... The old hardware store next door to where we first lived when we moved into town; the new general store that replaced the one that burned a couple of years ago. Footsteps into the past - where I thought I heard again the happy peals of laughter from my now-20-year-old son as he frolicked and played with the little blonde from next door. "Gotta shake this," I said to myself. "Walk some more." "Ask NOT what your country can do for you... " I remembered hearing those words long before I moved here. Down the street. Past the Town Constable's house. 'Round the corner and past the lumber company. Up the little hill and back onto the main highway. A mile down the road and I was at the now-empty converted farmhouse where we'd last lived. Something beckoned me to come nearer. The porch was still solid. Stream running through the back yard was getting a little clogged up with branches and leaves, making the largest part of it wet and soggy. Buttons we'd tearfully nailed to a tree as we buried our cat at its base were still there. A long walk to the other side of the house revealed that the three-story treehouse the little blonde girl with sparkling blue eyes and my son built had stood the test of time. A glance across the highway was just in time to see a large fish breaking water in its never-ending search for food. "Bert?" I thought. "Nah... didn't even bring my fishing gear. There's another reason I'm here... yet I don't know what it is." NAM VET Newsletter Page 1 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Back to town. Back to my car. Still restless, still feeling like my search hadn't yet ended. Turning off the main highway again, I took the backroad way home. Past the horse farm. Past the widow's house. Past the Retired Colonel's ranch. Up to the egg farm and turned again towards the main road. Five minutes - and I was at the junction of the old road and the main highway. The old church at the corner had been new-painted white. I stopped for a moment in the driveway - and remembered the owner of the hardware store. He was my friend - one of those special people with a unique ability to make ANYTHING work with just baling wire and masking tape. He'd died fighting an out- of-control grass fire near his home. He was buried in the cemetery behind the church. "Gotta pay my respects to my friends," I told myself, and drove the car up the dirt road behind the church that led to the cemetery. The smell of flowers and fresh-cut grass filled the air. The morning sun was bright and the air was yet crisp. The view from the hill was breathtaking. I walked towards my friend's grave and stopped in shock and disbelief when I read the name on the headstone next to his. My friend's granddaughter - the sparkling, blue-eyed, blonde-haired little girl that used to play with my children and frolic and build treehouses and squeal with laughter! " ... Ask what YOU can do for your country!" "Why am I hearing the words of John F. Kennedy again," I asked myself, still disbelieving. "NOW, when all of this is hitting me for the first time?" I looked at the beautiful drawing of a flower etched on her headstone. Suddenly - peace... and a realization. The hair on the back of my neck began to stand up; goose pimples formed on my arms; tears clouded my vision. I could hardly see the flower. The little girl was born in 1969. She died in 1986. Through her entire life, short though it was, she never once had to fear that Liberty would be taken from her, that battles would be fought in her homeland, that she couldn't choose to be what she wanted to be. She had FREEDOM - freedom that you and I and so many, many others paid for with blood, sweat and tears. Not once was her life stained with fears of concentration camps or air raids or forced separation from home town and loved ones. Not once!!! Saddened - yet peaceful, I walked back to my car. I remember the speech. Many of you do, too. NAM VET Newsletter Page 2 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 "...ask NOT what your country can do for you. Ask what YOU can do for your country." For the little girl, and many, many like her - WE DID!!! Happy July 4th... and THANK YOU - one and all! 'til next month Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! Ci'ao for Ni'ao - Joe - NAM VET Newsletter Page 3 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX \ \ \ \ \XXXX XXXXX XXXXX.::::::::::::::.XXXXX INCARCERATED XXXX XXXXX XXXXX --------- XXXXX \ \ \ \ \ \ \XXXX XXXXX .XXXXX W W I I XXXXX. VETERANS \ \XXXX XXXXX ::XXXXX --------- XXXXX::. \ \ \ \ XXXX XXXXX :::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::. XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX K O R E A XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX V I E T N A M XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::::::::::::::::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::::::::::::::::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::' `::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX:: ::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX `..........''`XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX .:O . O:. XXXXX:::' XXXX XXXXX ::' XXXXX .. XXXXX:: XXXX XXXXX .:' XXXXX . .. XXXXX: XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX . .. ` XXXXX XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX ' '.. ` XXXXX. XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX" ' ` XXXXX . XXXX XXXXX ``. XXXXX ' . . . ` XXXXX '. ........., XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX'' ..''.'''. XXXXX .' '.XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX" ':.:'' XXXXX .'' .:::'XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX:.. .:XXXXX.'' .::::' .XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX '.. ..:' XXXXX ..:' . .:::'XXXX XXXXX ....::'XXXXX ':::::;' XXXXX .:''. .:::' XXXX XXXXX .:::::' XXXXX .: XXXXX :'. ..:... XXXX XXXXX.::' :: XXXXX: PREPARED TO XXXXX .'' ''.. XXXX XXXXX::' :: XXXXX`: FIGHT XXXXX.' '.XXXX XXXXX' :: XXXXX ``. XXXXX XXXX XXXXX '' XXXXX PREPARED TO XXXXX XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX DIE ...'XXXXX XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX `...' XXXXX XXXX XXXXX `..' XXXXX .' XXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX /\ .' .' XXXX XXXXX /\ \ . . XXXX XXXXX / \ \...' `. .' XXXX XXXXX / NOT PREPARED TO BE DESERTED XXXX XXXXX / .'.' . .`.' XXXX XXXXX / ~ | : : : . XXXX XXXXX / |`. : : . .__________ XXXX XXXXX / ~ ~ ||.` ` : || \ / XXXX XXXXX / WRITE OR VISIT AN INCARCERATED VETERAN SOON ! XXXX XXXXX / ~ || . .'. / / XXXX XXXXX/ ~ ~ ~|| ||/ / XXXX XXXXX ~ ~ ~ || || / XXXX XXXXX || || / XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX \_________XXXXX________|| XgjpX XXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXX NAM VET Newsletter Page 4 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 "Memorial Day - 1989" Input by: Don Purvis The Old Soldier's Home. (Quick 1:344/117.7) ...Today is the real day set aside to honor those who walked the trails ahead of us...to re-live memories...to pay a tribute. Thinking about that, I remembered a few lines written by James Jones in the classic "From here to eternity"....... "The first note was clear and absolutely certain. There was no question or stumbling in this bugle. It swept across the quadrangle positively, held just a fraction longer than most buglers hold it. Held long like the length of time stretching away from weary day to weary day. Held long like thirty years. The second note was short, almost too short,abrupt. Cut short and too soon gone, like the minutes with a whore. Cut short like a ten minute break is short. And then the last note of the first phrase rose triumphantly from the slightly broken rhythym, triumphantly high on the untouchable level of pride above the humiliations, the degradations. He played it all that way, with a paused then hurried rhythym that no metronome could follow. There was no placid regimented tempo to this Taps. The notes rose high in the air and hung above the quadrangle. They vibrated there, carressingly, filled with an infinite sadness, an endless patience, a pointless pride, the requiem and epitaph for the common soldier, who smelled like a common soldier, as a woman once told him. They hovered like halos over the heads of the sleeping men in the darkened barracks, turning all grossness to the beauty that is the beauty of sympathy and understanding. Here we are, they said, you made us now. see us, don't close your eyes and shudder at it; this beauty, and this sorrow, of things as they are. This is the true song, the song of the ruck, not of the battle heroes; the song of the stockade prisoners itchily stinking sweating under the coats of grey rock dust; the song of the mucky KP's, of the men without women who collect the bloody menstrual rags of the officer's wives, who come to scour the Officer's club -- after the parties are over. This is the song of the scum, the Aqua-Velva drinkers, the shameless ones who greedily drain the half filled glasses, some of them lipstick smeared, that the party-ers can afford to leave unfinished. This is the song of the men who have no place, played by a man who has never had a place, and can therfore play it. Listen to it. You know this song, remember? This is the song you close your ears to every night, so you can sleep. This is the song you drink five martinis every evening not to hear. This is the song of the Great Loneliness, that creeps in like the desert wind and dehydrates the soul. This is the song you'll listen to on the day you die. When you lay there in bed and sweat it out, and know that all the doctors and nurses and weeping friends don't mean a thing and can't help you any, can't save you one small bitter taste of it, because you are the one that's dying and not them; when you wait for it to come and know that sleep will not evade it and martinis will not put it off and conversation will not circumvent it and hobbies will not help NAM VET Newsletter Page 5 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 you to escape it; then you will hear this song and, remembering, recognize it. This song is Reality. Remember? Surely you remember? Day is done.... Gone the sun.... From the lake From the hill From the sky Rest in peace Sol jer brave God is nigh" .........Rest easy tonight. NAM VET Newsletter Page 6 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= W O M E N & V E T E R A N S ================================================================= THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES from an Informational Packet given to G. Joseph Peck by Cathy Stallings - founder of Fitchburg Vietnam Vet Center - wife of Sgt. Jesse J. Stallings, Jr. 1947 - 1981 Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 Women did not go to Vietnam in great numbers, but great numbers of us have been scared by the war. One by one, without the awareness of danger that strikes those who put on uniform, we met and fell in love with men whose combat experience would change our lives. Many of us took their names, vowed to live vicariously in their shadows, put on their lives like prom gowns. Ill-fitting borrowed lives. The men of our generation were called to Vietnam: some went off to war; some of them came home. We thanked God it was over. And wearing frilly nightgown smiles, we slept snuggled up to time bombs. If we were blessed, we gave birth to squirming wrinkled little babies with dioxin in their blood; if we were unlucky we suffered miscarriages and stillbirths. As the months and years passed we kept trying to play by rules we knew, as our worlds crashed daily around us. It just didn't work out, you might say. But we couldn't let it go at that. It just wasn't that simple to those of us trained in the old ways. You had to "make it work." Women children of the fifties, raised in the glow of Ozzie and Harriet, who spent their high school days writing "Mrs. David O. Floot" in the margins of their notebooks (whose fingers still in unconscious remembrance move to form the initials of the first high school beau), were promised happiness for putting on marriage with an apron and a smile, great rewards for bouncing babies, accolades for casseroles. Our men would come home to us, John Waynes to our Maureen O'Haras, war heroes bold and strong and forever after, wage-earners tired and proud looking forward to dinner. It was a myth which even the social revolution of the sixties did little to dispel. Many of us went to college, learned to think on our own, had political ideas and took part in demonstrations. But our feelings were fifties children who never grew up. Eventually, after brief flirtations with independence, we did the thing we had grown up believing was inevitable (and swell); we fell in love and we married. And many of us married men who had been to Vietnam or were on their way. Many still have no idea of what went wrong, when the dream became the nightmare, when the pieces that we supposed to fit began to fall apart. NAM VET Newsletter Page 7 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 We're beginning to see now that Vietnam affected us more than we ever thought it had. Veterans of Vietnam returned to one overwhelming message from family and friends, from society, from the media: "Put it behind you." No one was prepared to hear the truth: the nation was confused, and so the people had become numb. No one could accept the un-meaning of American involvement in Southeast Asia, it was too bizarre and too painful. An unprecedented media blitz had made us all aware of the political morass, the atrocities, the ambiguities. We knew the veterans were not heroes even before they did, but we were not sure just what they were. And so we told them simply to get on with their lives (and ours), to bury whatever it was they had seen and felt, to become "normal" again. We refused to allow them to de-fuse; we didn't know how to hear men cry; we were unable to find out how they had changed. We weren't being cruel. We just wanted to love them as they had been and still were in our fantasies. We hoped that we could make them smile, make them look like Ward Cleavers, happy after a long day. Repeatedly turned off by others in attempts at revealing themselves, most veterans responded by submerging the pain, learning to work on the surface, becoming an approximation of what others expected of them. As shells of their former selves, they could function. A little strange, a trifle cranky, a glaze of distance around the eyes....but close enough. Women were relieved by a reemergence of the former selves; we accepted the mask because reality was unbearable. But the veterans mask of denial was shattered by nightmares and rage and fear of insanity. We were the first to see that the problems would not disappear in some washday miracle, would not respond to our nurturing, would not abide by the rules. A man cannot wear a mask all day and return home to read the good-news like Ward Cleaver. Instead of "Nice dinner, dear," we were treated to explosions. If he attacked the salad, it was the salad we defended. If he couldn't stand the baby's cries, we felt guilty for not taking better care of the baby. If he complained about everything, we became bitchy. We were awakened at four in the morning to find our husbands in combat-readiness, poised for action on the bed beside us. There was no explanation, we were hushed or hit. We spent mornings trying to convince our men to go to their jobs or look for work. Many of us returned from our own jobs to find sad faces staring into emptiness. We fought for response, but it was never predictable; we paid the bills, tended the children, met the neighbors. Single-handedly, we tried to create the mythical happy family. Our husbands saw us as castrators; outsiders sensed we were strange. Our men could not tell us about Vietnam, and there was no one we could talk to about what was happening to us. We were capable, unappreciated and isolated. All alone and without choosing to do it, we were creating ourselves. At some point in the process of trying to hold it all together, against resistance from husbands who had a real need for control (and who saw their women as the most easily controlled elements in a crazy hostile world), we lost our ideals and started to work with reality. In the shattering of the myth lay our strength. NAM VET Newsletter Page 8 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 We could no longer be slaves to love, because the master was flawed. Alternately tyrannical and childlike, he raved and he was hurt. He attacked us; he needed us. Above all, he could not be depended upon; we had to become independent. We felt his pain, shared the feelings of fear and helplessness which were sometimes overwhelming; but we also took out the garbage, remembered to feed the children, fixed the leaky roof. He needed to be taken care of, and he resented it. He played games to regain control, cruel rewards for our martyrdom, and succeeded only in alienating us. Living with a veteran who suffers the effects of Post-Vietnam Stress is like running blindfolded with weights on. Nothing is easy; the smallest tasks become monumental. Nothing is reliable; the rules change the minute you understand them. Nothing is normal; a great deal of effort goes into creating the semblance of normalcy. Maintaining self-esteem is made difficult by living with a man who cannot feel good about you when he feels so terrible about himself. It is made double difficult because you no longer have close friends; he discourages any friendships you have, and you begin to believe that there is no one who can understand, and that superficial friendships just aren't worth the hassle. You have a sense of isolation peculiar to your position; there is really not anyone who will understand, because you do not understand. He's cornered the marked on escapes, and you have none. You watch him tune out with drugs or alcohol or sexual flings, but somehow you can't do the same. You're still playing Harriet, long after Ozzie has given up the ghost. Actually, you end up playing Ozzie AND Harriet, while he switches roles, between the Hell's Angels tearing up the living room and Little Orphan Annie lying on the couch. You work too hard, you get no support, your mind gets twisted, your emotions are spent -- but once in a while he loves you, and you get that old slowdancing glow, and you think maybe there's a chance it will all work out. So you work at it madly, work so hard it takes a while to notice that he's back on the couch under the ratty blanket or he's gone out drinking with his buddies (see you Thursday, unless he gets busted and you get a call at 3 a.m. to go get him) or he's called your mother while you were at work to tell her never to darken your door again. You get a little tougher, a little colder, each time. It's all adding up. But you still feel isolated, alienated, like you're the only one this horror show is happening to. Maybe you give up. Maybe you manage to pull out and get a divorce. Maybe you stick it out, because you don't know what else to do. Maybe you stay because you love this person enough to wait until he comes back to you. Whatever you do, if you've ever lived with a Vietnam vet, you've been affected. The truth is, you've become different from other women. You've got different problems and different strengths. You do more and think less of what you do. You need to see yourself reflected clearly, but its become hard to trust any mirror. NAM VET Newsletter Page 9 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 IN MEMORY OF JESSE by: Reney Stephens in 11/13/84 Issue of Family Circle Magazine Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 Jesse Stallings was the kind of man who sent roses to his wife, Cathy, at work so her co-workers would know how much he loved her. He was the kind of father who made time to coach his children's Little League teams and take them fishing at a nearby lake. He was tall, good-looking, intelligent and, as Cathy describes him, a good man." That was one side of Jesse. But there was another side to Jesse, a tormented, emotionally unstable man, haunted by horrible memories of his Vietnam War experience and by what he thought was his country's indifference to his sacrifice. A man who, consumed by despair, would wake screaming in the night and tell his wife, through tears, "I can't live with the pain anymore." At the age of 33, thirteen years after his tour of duty in Vietnam, Sgt. Jesse J. Stallings, Jr., died for his country. Cause of death: post-traumatic stress. Jesse Stallings served in Vietnam in 1967-68 with the U.S. Army's 35th Infantry. "He enlisted in the Army and volunteered for service in 'Nam," Cathy says. "It was what his conscience told him to do. He loved his country; he was proud to serve it." But as a Vietnam veteran, there were no parades, not even a pat on the back. When Jesse stepped off the plane and back onto home soil, he was greeted by protesters carrying signs bearing slogans such as BABY KILLERS. Cathy believes it was that rejection, along with Jesse's actual wartime experiences, which caused the post-traumatic stress disorder that eventually caused him to take his own life. Cathy Stallings, a beautiful, soft-spoken woman with large brown eyes, smiles tentatively as she talks about her husband. "I was crazy about him," she says. "He was such a good, kind man." What became of the good, kind man she loved so much is a story Cathy is determined to tell again and again, "until somebody listens." Introduced by a mutual friend in 1974, both Cathy and Jesse had been recently divorced. Their attraction was instantaneous, and they talked until 3 A.M. the night they met. On their first real date, Jesse brought his two daughters, and Cathy brought her son and daughter. On that crisp Sunday in early autumn, they went to Coggshal Park, in Fitchburg, Massachusetts, and later stopped at a restaurant for hot chocolate. "I was impressed by him," Cathy says. "Jesse had a traditional point of view where men and women were concerned. And although I had a good job as a registered nurse, he wanted to take care of me, and I didn't mind one bit." They continued to date, often taking the children along. Cathy gradually learned about Jesse's childhood and youth. As a youngster he'd been called Mickey by his brother and sister, and NAM VET Newsletter Page 10 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 his strict parents had preached the "Protestant work ethic." At 14, he was working as a copy boy on a local newspaper and dreaming of playing major-league baseball. Cathy also learned, firsthand, that Jesse was a devoted father who saw his little girls every Sunday "no matter what." Her own children - Todd, then 6, and Shannon, 3 - liked him right away. Jesse worked at a local computer software company, and in his leisure time participated in community sports. "He was good- natured, but would occasionally fly off the handle - usually because he had done poorly at some game. Jesse set very high standards for himself. Sometimes he would pressure the kids about doing well, too," recalls Cathy. "That bothered me." But all in all, Cathy felt that Jesse's good points far outweighed his faults. She was in love and happier than she had ever been. In July 1976, after a two-year courtship, Cathy became Mrs. Jesse Stallings, Jr. She, Jesse, Todd and Shannon settled down to the business of being a family. For Cathy, the pain of her failed first marriage receded in the wake of her happiness. "At that time, Jesse really didn't talk much about his experiences in Vietnam," Cathy recalls. "Once in a while, he'd show pictures of his buddies or a group of Vietnamese civilians. Nothing scary. But there were little things. Like, in a restaurant, he had to sit with his back up against the wall so he could see who came through the door. Also, he couldn't STAND loud noises. And forget about coming up behind him! He'd jump, fists clenched, ready to take a swing." Slowly, Jesse's behavior began to change. "He'd always had a bad temper," Cathy recalls, "but after we'd been married two and a half years, his temper started getting out of control. He'd get mad and pick up a vase and throw it across the room. I was really frightened and told him so. "The temper outbursts became more frequent. I felt hurt and confused, and I didn't know what was wrong. He started to drink and have trouble at work. Two weeks after we closed on our new house, he lost his job." Jesse found another job, at THE PUBLIC SPIRIT newspaper in Ayer, Massachusetts. He got along well with his coworkers and was promoted to a job in the advertising department. Things were looking rosy again. Then Jesse joined the National Guard. "He loved the Guard," Cathy says. "He attended those once-a- month meetings faithfully." Because of facial scars, Jesse wore a full beard. His doctor, in a letter to National Guard superiors, cited the reasons for his beard as "cosmetic and psychological." Nevertheless, some of Jesse's fellow Guardsmen badgered him about it. Jesse grew increasingly resentful, and an incident on Memorial Day, 1980, was the breaking point. Jesse, bursting with pride, was to march with his National Guard unit in Fitchburg's Memorial Day parade. When he reported to the Fitchburg armory, he was called over by a superior officer. "Sergeant Stallings," he said, "because of your beard, we don't want you to march in today's parade. You stay with the trucks NAM VET Newsletter Page 11 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 and keep out of sight." Cathy recalls that day with bitterness. "Something broke deep inside Jesse. He was never the same again. I'll never forget the anguish in his voice when he said, 'God! I fought for my country, and now my country doesn't want me just because I wear a beard. I can't understand it. I can't." Like so many others, Cathy had given little thought to Vietnam. "Once the war was over, I just didn't think about it." But after that Memorial Day parade, Cathy was confronted by what Vietnam had done to her husband's mind and by the despair he felt in the wake of society's indifference. "He was changed, all right," Cathy says. "He became obsessed with remembering. His battle ribbons and medals came out of a box in the closet and went on the mantel in the living room. He'd force himself to watch war movies, and often he would break down and cry in the middle of a film." Cathy tried to get Jesse to discuss his feelings with her. She urged him to get professional help. "But he wouldn't," Cathy recalls. "`Don't worry,' he'd tell me, `I'll work this through, leave me alone.'" The man Cathy had fallen in love with was gradually replaced by a stranger who experienced extreme mood swings and terrible nightmares that were carried over into Jesse's waking hours in the form of anxiety attacks. "He would become withdrawn or just start crying," Cathy says. "Sometimes his whole body would shake. One time, during a thunderstorm, he ran into the cellar and covered his head. He thought we were being shelled. I felt so helpless," Cathy says. "Even as a nurse, I couldn't help my own husband or make him get help." For Todd and Shannon, the change in their stepfather was disturbing and frightening. "His patience was cut in half," Cathy says. "He was constantly finding fault. He started neglecting his daughters, seeing them less and less. Once adamantly opposed to drug use of any kind, he began to smoke marijuana and drink heavily. The erratic behavior naturally caused him and Cathy to drift apart. "Our lovemaking went steadily downhill," Cathy remembers, "and before long it was reduced to a quick peck on the cheek." Despite the emotional pain she was going through, Cathy went to work every day and told no one, not even Jesse's family, how bad the situation was. "I didn't want anyone to know," she says. "I was so ashamed - my second marriage was falling apart, I was falling apart. I was sure it was my fault." On several occasions, Jesse's rage resulted in more than emotional abuse. "He beat me," Cathy says. "I went to work with a black eye; I wore dark glasses so nobody would know." One night Jesse approached her with a club in his hands and announced, "I'm going to kill you. You are going to die in a little while, and after I kill you, I'll kill the children and myself." Cathy remembers that particular night with horror: "When I ran for the front door, he blocked my path. I tried to escape through the kitchen, but I found myself on the floor, pleading for my life. I have never been so frightened. I remember one of NAM VET Newsletter Page 12 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 the kids crying out, 'Daddy, what are you doing?' Suddenly, the club dropped from his hands and he said, 'Cathy, why would I hurt you?' He was dazed. He really didn't remember what had happened. When I told him a little later, he broke down and cried. I asked him why he'd done it, and he said 'I don't know.' Despite renewed urgings by Cathy that he seek professional help, Jesse still insisted that he would somehow work his problems out on his own. "He kept saying, 'Please, be patient. I know I can get through this. All I need is a little time.' Once, he made an appointment to see a counselor at nearby Fort Devens. "He claimed he went," Cathy says, "but I don't think he really did. Maybe he thought asking for help was a sign of weakness. I'd knew his problems were somehow linked to his 'Nam experience, but I wasn't sure how. When I tried to discuss the war with him, he would usually clam up." For Cathy, Todd and Shannon, home became a place of horrible uncertainty. There were times when Jesse ranted and raved, crashing through the house and smashing things. There were times when he huddled in a corner, crying. Cathy felt defeated, hopeless. Then, in the summer of '80, she came across an article in a local paper about post traumatic stress disorders (PTSD). Among the symptoms listed were uncontrollable rage, insomnia, nightmares and anxiety reactions. "I could relate about 75% of all the symptoms listed to what Jesse was experiencing." Cathy says. She showed him the article, hoping he would be receptive. He wasn't. "I don't know why, but Jesse didn't seem to want to see any connection between the stress he'd experienced in Vietnam and the problems he was having. He just kept repeating the same thing, 'Give me time, just a little more time...'" But time was running out for Jesse Stallings. On February 20, 1981, Cathy and Jesse went bowling with friends. She was still upset from the previous night, when Jesse had been drunk and abusive. When they got home, Cathy told him, "I can't live like this anymore. I love you, but I never know what to expect." Jesse, filled with remorse, said, "I know I've been putting you through hell. I'll try to make things better, I promise." When Cathy and Jesse awoke the next morning, they made love tenderly. "It was something we had hardly done at all in the past few months," Cathy remembered. "Jesse held me in his arms, just like he used to, and he said, 'Don't worry, things will be all right. I love you more than anything in this world, and I'm not going to hurt you anymore." Elated by the sincerity in his voice, Cathy believed he meant what he said. At breakfast, Jesse was calm. Cathy calls it "the best mood he had been in for weeks, maybe months." It was a Saturday. Cathy was going shopping with Shannon; Todd had plans with friends. "Would you like to come along?" she asked Jesse. He said no, that he had some things to do in the cellar. "I kissed him good-bye," Cathy says, "and he said, 'I love you, Cath.'" It was noontime. At a quarter to six that evening, Cathy and Shannon returned, and Cathy noticed that Jesse's car, usually parked in front of the house, wasn't there. Assuming he had gone out, she and Shannon entered the house, where they found Todd, stretched out NAM VET Newsletter Page 13 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 on the living room floor, watching TV. Cathy wrinkled her nose. "What is that smell?" she asked Todd. "I don't know," he answered. Cathy suddenly remembered Jesse's saying, "I've got some things to do in the cellar," and an awful sense of dread came over her. She ran to the cellar door, opened it and thick, acrid smoke billowed out from the exhaust pipe of Jesse's car. Cathy called Jesse's name again and again as she ran downstairs into the garage. Jesse was sitting in the front seat of his car with the radio on. She began to scream, "Damn you, Jesse, you better not be dead, you better not be dead!" She pounded on his arm with her fists and shook him. Then, wrenching open the garage door, she ran into the street, screaming, "Help me! Help me!" Two neighbors responded to Cathy's screams. The dragged Jesse from the car and tried to revive him while waiting for an ambulance. He was rushed to Burbank Hospital, where an emergency room team continued to work on him. But Jesse was dead. Cathy remembers little of the days and nights immediately following Jesse's death. "I was numb with pain," she says. Gradually, the pain turned into anger, anger that Jesse had left her. "All I kept thinking was WHY?" The secrecy surrounding Jesse's problems in life was carried on by the children after his death. "They didn't want anyone to know he had killed himself," Cathy says. She sought help from Dr. Bruce A. Norton, a local psychologist. With his counsel, the family was able to release their anger and convert grief into something positive. Cathy has found a measure of peace. Her life and the lives of her children go on. "One night, after Jesse died, I was lying in bed listening to the silence and crying," Cathy says. "I'm not a very religious person, but that night I prayed, 'God, just let me know that he's at peace.' Maybe it's all in my head, but I swear, all of a sudden I gut such an unbelievable feeling of calm and peace. I felt Jesse's presence, as though he were saying, 'I'm all right, Cathy, I'm all right.' At that moment I knew he had heard me, and I knew he WAS okay. I'm not angry at him anymore. I really believe that Jesse chose to die because he was afraid of what he might do to us. Jesse survived the war, but he was killed by society." Sgt. Jesse J. Stallings, Jr. was buried with full military honors. Three months after Jesse committed suicide, Cathy founded the Vietnam-Era Veterans Outreach Center of Fitchburg, Massachusetts. A plaque on the wall in the center, donated by Cathy's co- volunteers, reads: "HE DID NOT DIE IN VAIN. THROUGH HIS DEATH MANY OTHERS TODAY ARE STILL LIVING. THIS VIETNAM-ERA VETERANS CENTER IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF OUR FALLEN BROTHER, SGT. JESSE J. STALLINGS, JR., 1947-1981. MAY HE FINALLY REST IN SLEEP.' NAM VET Newsletter Page 14 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 The Other Forgotten Warriors by: Aphrodite Matsakia - in - April 1989 edition of VFW Magazine ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Matsakis is the author of "Vietnam Wives" and is a VA psychologist who has counseled Vietnam veterans since 1975. Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 "I hate Vietnam!" Jessica sobs. "Ed went over there a warm, outgoing person. He came back angry, withdrawn, taking out all his anger on me and the kids. Why he has to turn on us - the ones he loves the most - I just don't understand. The verbal abuse - the yelling, the being called every name in the book - it hurts deep, very deep, even more than the physical abuse. "He's angry at me, his own wife, almost all the time. It's like I'm another person to him, a stranger, not the wife who has stood by him for fifteen years. Maybe I remind him of 'Nam or something." Jessica is the petite attractive wife of Ed, a Vietnam combat veteran she met just before he went overseas, and she has been his faithful partner ever since. For over a year now, Jessica has been attending a women's group at a local Vietnam Veteran's Outreach Center. In this group, Jessica, like the other Vietnam wives, shares her pain, her fears and her profound loneliness. Although still living with Ed, Jessica feels alone and abandoned. Her husband, it seems is involved with another woman. The other wives have the same complaint - their husbands are involved with another woman too - the SAME other woman. Her name is Vietnam. She is ugly and battle-scarred, but her power over the husbands is great. Somehow this "other woman" can hold and entice the men more than their own wives. More than 58,000 Americans died in Vietnam, but many more are dying emotional and spiritual deaths here at home as they struggle daily with PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. That is the current psychiatric label given to a malady more commonly known as shell shock, combat fatigue, or war neurosis, which caused the evacuation of some 10% of enlisted men during WWI and, at various points, of many more during WWII. PTSD is not a sign of insanity or a personality deficiency, but a normal reaction to an abnormal amount of stress. Imagine being in a car accident, 20 times a month, 12 months in a row, or being raped, twice a week, for an entire year. How might you feel? Even if these terrible things were not happening to you directly, what if they were occurring to people all around you and you were powerless to stop it? What if you know that at any moment, you might be the next victim? NAM VET Newsletter Page 15 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 That's what it was like in Vietnam, during a war where bar girls had hand grenades and even babies were booby trapped, where almost anyone, man, woman, or child, could be a possible enemy. Under such conditions, the soldier tended to stifle his emotions. He had to, for if he had connected with his grief, anger, fear, and sense of powerlessness during combat, he would have been less able to figure out what to do next in order to save himself or others. In the face of a traumatic event, this emotional repression, called psychic or emotional numbing, is an entirely appropriate response. Problems arise, however, when the numbing is carried over into present-day situations where there is no danger, as is the case with PTSD-afflicted veterans. Psychic numbing is a central feature of PTSD. Other symptoms include nightmares, insomnia and other sleep disturbances; survivor guilt, social withdrawal and alienation; flashbacks, hyperalertness (the startle response), depression and anger. Some, but definitely not all, veterans may use alcohol and/or drugs to fight the memories and the seemingly unbearable feelings associated with those memories, powerful feelings such as sorrow, rage, fear and moral confusion. Healing for the veteran involves learning how to confront his war experiences directly, by talking about them and sharing them with other veterans, rather than indirectly, via symptoms, substance abuse, workaholism, self- isolation and other self-destructive behavior. The root of PTSD is fear of death or dismemberment or losing others. It can be suffered by anyone who has experienced an event or series of events of such magnitude of pain and horror that they would overwhelm almost anyone's natural coping mechanisms. Hence PTSD has been found among survivors of the Nazi concentration camps and the bombing of Hiroshima, among prisoners of war and refugee children and survivors of natural catastrophes, such as earthquakes, floods and fires. Victims of rape, incest, wife abuse and other assaults also have suffered from PTSD, as have persons who, although they do not experience trauma directly, witness trauma on a daily basis or are subject to unremitting stress as a part of their job. Among them are police officers, firefighters, rescue workers and health-care workers. While experts disagree on the extent of PTSD, most put the figure at from 500,000 to 1 million. Since PTSD is by definition a delayed response to the war, the number of veterans eventually in need of help may reach as many as 1.5 million or more. Based on this figure, an estimated 900,000 Vietnam wives and partners and approximately 1.098 million children also may be affected. Until recently, the Vietnam veteran was aptly named the "forgotten warrior." His experiences in Vietnam and subsequent readjustment problems upon return were too often readily swept aside by a society that for the most part wanted to forget about Vietnam. Only during the past two or three years have Vietnam veterans finally been given some public recognition for their many contributions. Nevertheless, the psychological effects of Vietnam experience are still poorly understood, not only by the general public, but by many veterans and their families. Even NAM VET Newsletter Page 16 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 less understood are the effects of PTSD on family life. To date, fewer than two dozen articles have been published on the wives and children of Vietnam vets, the other "forgotten warriors." "Vietnam Wives" is the first book which focuses directly on the impact of PTSD on the wives and children of Vietnam veterans. In many ways, the Vietnam veteran has borne the burden of our national shame, guilt and confusion regarding the Vietnam War. His wife, however, has borne society's burden for the veteran. More often than not, it is the Vietnam wife and nobody else who has nursed her husband through his flashbacks and nightmares, through his depressions and suicidal episodes and through his mourning, as well as his rage reactions. Usually it is she and she alone who has maintained her husband's will to live and has served as a buffer between him and the world. Even when abused by her husband, the Vietnam wife has often remained by his side, not only from fear, but from compassion, realizing that her husband's rejection of her or his explosions were not due solely to his individual temperament but were due to the frustrations and stigmas imposed upon him by others and by a variety of social institutions. Intuitively, the Vietnam wife often sensed that underneath her husband's abrasiveness or coolness lay enormous amounts of self-hate and confusion. The Vietnam wife has sacrificed much. Yet, despite her many sacrifices, she has been treated like a footnote. Outside of Vet Center women's support groups, she has received practically no acknowledgement of her pain, anger or anguish. In many cases, she has been as misunderstood and as unsupported by her family and community as her PTSD afflicted husband. To the extent that the vet has been perceived as crazy, the Vietnam wife also has been perceived as crazy - for staying with him, for loving him and for helping him through his "PTSD attacks." Like their husbands, Vietnam wives have their war stories too. Most of the women feel emotionally neglected, if not outright abused. Their chief complaint is that their husbands often use them as scapegoats for problems having to do with Vietnam or with life in general. Many of the women have been hit at least once. However, in my experience only about a fourth fall into the battered woman category, where the abuse is repeated and severe and where the man exercises an emotional and financial, as well as physical, stranglehold over his wife. (This rate, however, is based on a limited sample and is not significantly different from rates of wife abuse found among other groups in our society.) Where there is no overt emotional or physical abuse, often another form of emotional abuse, a stony silence, prevails. Many wives feel as if they are living with strangers, not husbands. Some of the women are in touch with their anger; others are not. Most have ambivalent feelings about their anger. On the one hand, they feel it is a legitimate response to being mistreated, unloved and overburdened. The majority of the wives are the economic, as well as the emotional, mainstays of the family, holding down two jobs - one at home, one at work.) On the other hand, the women feel that, since their husbands suffered through various hardships in Vietnam, they should be more understanding and patient. NAM VET Newsletter Page 17 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Jane, for example, works two jobs while caring for three children. She drives her sons to ball practice, her daughter to ballet. Her husband, Dan, is often so depressed he can do very little around the home. Since the war, Dan has been in and out of treatment for PTSD and is able to contribute little to the family income other than his disability check. In deference to Dan's ego, Jane keeps her complaints to herself or shares them only with the group. Like many Vietnam wives, Jane is exceptionally dedicated and loyal to her husband, very sensitive to the fact that her husband lost his hearing in one ear in Vietnam. "Half his unit was wiped out too. After all he went through, maybe I have no right to moan. But it's been 13 years of me being Supermom. I'm worn out and I keep wondering when is he going to get over this thing? I try to be patient, but when I come home and the dishes aren't even done, I blow up. Then he says I'm aggravating his PTSD." In group, Vietnam wives learn it is perfectly possible and normal to be both understanding and angry at their husbands at the same time. Nevertheless, most of the women hide their anger. Some fear their husband's rage. Others do not want to interfere with their husband's healing process. Still others keep quiet because their husbands are suffering from, or slowly dying of, exposure to Agent Orange or because their husbands have talked about suicide. This is a real possibility for some Vietnam veterans. Although there are no definitive statistics, some sources allege that as many veterans have died by their own hand as were killed in Vietnam. Equally distressing are the high number of deaths and injuries due to one-car collisions and other "accidents" among Vietnam veterans that are often viewed as suicidal in nature. When the veteran suffers from PTSD, his children may be affected also. Low self-esteem and self-blame for their father's unhappiness are the two most common problems seen so far. Some children show symptoms similar to the fathers', e.g. nightmares. Vietnam wives often feel as if they are single parents with the burden of the children's emotional and physical well-being on their shoulders. Often, they try to compensate for their husband's difficulties by being Supermothers. According to some Vet Center counselors, the future may well see self-help groups for adult children of Vietnam veterans similar to contemporary groups for adult children of alcoholics. Help is available at VA medical centers. Twenty-eight of them have inpatient PTSD units and at 189 Vietnam Veterans' Outreach Centers. NAM VET Newsletter Page 18 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 It's finally here - a patch which acknowledges the other side of the Vietnam Veteran: His wife! Hardly needing any explanation, it is multicolor with Red, White, Blue, Green and Gold for the Map of Vietnam. They are available for $5 each from VETLink #1 - Dept. 65 P O Box 2056 Pittsfield, MASSACHUSETTS 01202 (Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery) @@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@ @@@@@@@@ @@@@ @@@ @@@ @@@@ @@@@ @@@@@ @@@@ @@@@ @@@@ @@@ V I E T N A M V E T S W I F E @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ :@@@@@@@@@@@: :@@@@@@@@@@@: @@@ @@@ @.............@ @.............@ @@@ @@@ @...............@ @...............@ @@@ @@@ @.................@ @.................@ @@@ @@@ (...................@@...................) @@@ @@@ @............. ..............@ @@@ @@@ @.............. MAP OF USA ..............@ @@@ @@@ @................. .................@ @@@ @@@ @................. WITH .................@ @@@ @@@ @.............. ...............@ @@@ @@@ @............... MAP OF ...............@ @@@ @@@ (........ .......) @@@ @@@ @...... VIET NAM SUPERIMPOSED ......@ @@@ @@@ @........ .........@ @@@ @@@ @.......... OVER IT ............@ @@@ @@@ I @ ............................ @ N @@@ @@@ @............................@ @@@ @@@ @..........................@ A @@@ @@@ S @........................@ @@@ @@@ @....................@ M @@@ @@@ T @..................@ @@@ @@@ @................@ @@@ @@@ A @............@ Y @@@ @@@ @..........@ @@@ @@@ N @......@ M @@@ @@@ @..@ @@@ @@@ D @@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ B Y @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@@ @@ @@ @@ @@ @@ @@ @@ (c) 1988 VVA Chapter #65 Pittsfield, MA NAM VET Newsletter Page 19 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= G E N E R A L A R T I C L E S ================================================================= KOREAN WAR VETERANS MEMORIAL Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413-443-6313) FidoNet 1:321/203 April 28, 1989 Dear Friend: In October, 1986, the Congress voted to authorize the establishment of a memorial to honor members of the U.S. Armed Forces who served in the Korean War. The task of building the Memorial is assigned to the American Battle Monuments Commission. They are being advised and supported by the Korean War Veterans Memorial Advisory Board, which was appointed by the President in July, 1987. After a review by three Federal commissions, the Secretary of the Interior approved the specific site recommended by the Korean War Veterans Memorial Advisory Board and the American Battle Monuments Commission. The Memorial will be located on the nation's historic Mall, near the Lincoln Memorial and directly across from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. The winner of the competition for the design of the Memorial will be announced on June 1, 1989. By law, the memorial is to be constructed and maintained by private, rather than public, funds. At present, just over $2.9 million of the $6 million initial fund raising goal has been deposited in the Memorial Fund account with the Treasurer of the United States. The Fund is authorized to accept donations from corporations and institutions as well as individuals. Anyone who desires to contribute to the establishment of the Memorial may do so by mailing a check or money order to: Korean War Veterans Memorial Fund Post Office Box 2372 Washington, D.C. 20013-2372 Sincerely, ESTEBAN E. TORRES Member of Congress WASHINGTON OFFICE: 1740 Longworth House Office Building Washington, D.C. 20515 (202) 225-5256 DISTRICT OFFICE: 1400 West Covina Parkway Suite 201 West Covina, CA 91790 (818) 814-1557 NAM VET Newsletter Page 20 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Personal Responsibility in Traumatic Stress Reactions By John Russell Smith Reprinted from PSYCHIATRIC ANNALS 12(11):1021-1030, 1982. Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413-443-6313) FidoNet 1:321/203 Intensified interest in the long-term reactions of Vietnam veterans was followed by and partly instrumental in the introduction of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders into the latest edition of THE DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS<1>. This interest also sparked renewed comparison of the pattern of reactions of Vietnam veterans to veterans of Australia, Israel and Afghanistan as well as to POWs, Iranian hostages and victims of rape, fire and a range of other catastrophes. Clinicians are now more readily recognizing and attending to patterns of stress reactions and rediscovering observations noted at the turn of the century by Janet<2>, Freud<3,4>, and, thereafter, Lindeman<5>, Adler<6> and others. Insights into survival guilt, the death imprint and psychic numbing - reactions generated in survivors and clinical observers as well - have enabled clinicians to better understand and develop ameliorating interventions. The rap groups fostered by Shatan<7>, Lifton<8>, and Pincus, dream groups designed by Wilmer<9,10>, guided imagery and behavioral interventions adapted by Keane<11>, hypnotic techniques<12> and family systems interventions<13>, have all enabled victims with powerfully troubling and alienating experience to reach some more peaceful resolution. As clinicians increasingly recognize post-traumatic stress reactions, they are readily recognizing the central symptom patterns and are making attributions about the underlying issues to be resolved in therapy. Survival guilt has now become commonly accepted and is widely held to be a major factor in reactions following such events as the concrete walkway collapse at the Hyatt Hotel in Kansas City<14>. After the event, clinicians readily began to help people deal with their guilt over having survived while others did not. Survival guilt does not explain, however, why equally severe traumatic stress reactions are generated in emergency medical personnel who treat victims of such disasters. It is often commonly assumed that rescue workers and bystanders are simply overwhelmed by the gruesome and horrible sights which they witness. With some validity, it is recognized that in most disasters, the more deadly and grisly the event, the greater will be the reactions of the normal witness or survivor. Studies of veterans and other survivors<15-17> consistently support the common observation that the level of exposure and the intensity of catastrophic experience are the best predictors of the intensity of symptoms of stress reaction. Such field studies have consistently affirmed the finding that stress reactions are precipitated in roughly half the victims of intensely traumatic experience. Many factors have been advanced and explored as contributing to the intensity of reactions<16,18>. None of these factors have yet been found, however, to have the predictive power of the intensity and level of exposure to the catastrophic experience itself. The powerful and often wrenching reactions of clinicians as they begin to listen to the tales of survivors have been NAM VET Newsletter Page 21 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 explored previously<19,20>. Such reactions in clinicians confirm our common assumption that witnessing such horrible deeds and deaths leave extreme residual traumatic effects. These clinical observations have proved to be valuable tools for understanding and treating such survival guilt and the common assumptions about the impact of witnessing deadly catastrophes may obscure recognition of another factor with a potentially more devastating impact on survivors, participants and witnesses. A focus on the intensity and inherent traumatic quality of the events also subtly encourages clinicians to grade the QUALITY of the traumatic event and the reactions it should generate<21>. This focus may encourage clinicians to underestimate traumatic stress reactions in other survivors, participants and witnesses whose catastrophic experience is assumed to be considerably less objectively traumatic than others. In such cases, a lack of survival guilt and the implicit devaluing of apparently lesser traumatic events contribute to the emphasis, too early and too heavily, on character disorder and predisposition, which, for many years, has obscured the recognition of long-term stress reactions. A subtle interaction of all these factors has clouded recognition of this element in stress reactions (JR Smith, unpublished data, 1981). Attention to a further aspect of catastrophic experience may open an avenue for better understanding the relationship between reactions to normal life stresses and reactions to catastrophe. Increased clinical experience has led me to focus on the role of personal action and responsibility for individual actions or for failures to act in the midst of catastrophic conditions, leading to tragic and often deadly consequences. Such a factor of personal responsibility interacts in an exponential fashion with the moral and ethical questions of meaning described so well by other writers<22-26>. The following case examples illustrate this factor. The first case was related to me by Dr. William Neiderland in a conversation following a New York seminar on the concentration camp syndrome at The New School in April 1976. At the time, while working on the stress disorders proposal for DSM-III, I had been grappling with the paradox over how the VICTIMS of a catastrophic experience, such as the concentration camps, could manifest nearly identical reactions as those reactions seen in more active PERPETRATORS of another disaster, such as the veterans of the American war in Vietnam. It was this case, related by Dr. Neiderland, which first drew my attention to the role of personal action. X, a concentration camp survivor, had been involved for some time in psychotherapy. One day he came to his session with a painting he had recently completed which he gave to the therapist. The painting portrayed a grotesque, demonic figure in a Nazi stormtrooper uniform. Something about the painting disturbed the therapist but it was not until a few days later, when glancing at the painting again, that he realized that the face in the painting belonged to the client. At the next session, the therapist shared his observation with the client. At first, baffled and denying the similarity, X suddenly broke down and began sobbing. X then revealed that, during his imprisonment in the concentration camp, six inmates NAM VET Newsletter Page 22 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 had escaped one night. Following the escape, as was their policy, the guards selected double the number to be executed as an example to the rest. The following morning, X and the other eleven prisoners slated to die, were marched off in the early morning fog to be shot. As the column of inmates passed the long, open slit trench used by the inmates as a latrine, X slipped out of the column and buried himself in the latrine. After many hours covered in excrement, X found his way back to his compound. There, he discovered that two other companions had been selected and executed in his place. What struck me about this case was the later evidence of overwhelming personal guilt and unconscious self-punishment which X had carried for so many years, unmitigated in his mind by the circumstances which might have prompted his action for survival. Lifton<19,24> has described survival guilt as guilt over having survived while others perished. In my experience, such guilt is far more powerful when one's survival is bought at the price of another's life. Billy N. joined the Marines with his best friend from high school. They served in the same combat unit in Vietnam. One day, while crossing a swollen stream, the rifles over their heads, Billy was in danger of being swept away. His buddy, who had reached the opposite bank, stretched out a hand to help Billy. Billy handed his rifle, muzzle forward, to his buddy and while being hauled from the water, his hand slipped, releasing the trigger, killing his buddy with a round through the chest. Later, back home, Billy first sought treatment because of his wife's complaints about the length of time it took for Billy to drive to and from work, only two towns away. Billy explained that he vaguely always wanted to avoid the town next door where he had grown up; so, he drove an elaborate thirty mile route around it, to and from work. Under questioning, he suddenly remembered that his buddy was buried in a cemetery along the route he would normally have driven to work. Later, after considerable work in therapy, Billy drove to the cemetery, sat in front of his buddy's grave, and, in a lengthy conversation with his long dead friend, asked him forgiveness. Even when the personal action leading to dreadful consequences seems to be offset by evidence of dozens of successful, even heroic, actions, the impact of the tragic one appears to distort evaluation of the others. K was a 33-year-old former Marine who was among the first American Marines in Vietnam. After several ambushes and intense battles which marked the first weeks after his arrival, K found himself trusted and relied upon as the point man because of his childhood backwoods experience in the South. On several occasions, his instincts and sudden caution had saved the platoon from ambushes and booby traps. K, a scrappy and somewhat delinquent kid in school, relished the trust and responsibility relegated to him for the first time in his life. Later in his tour, while NAM VET Newsletter Page 23 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 leading his platoon on patrol along the railroad tracks near Chu Lai, K noticed cowchips from water buffalo arranged in a regular pattern between the tracks. Immediately questioning such regularity, which was not his experience with cows at home, he suspected that the cowchips might conceal booby-traps. Halting the platoon, he fanned the men out along either side of the roadbed to avoid the possibility of detonating the booby-traps. Unfortunately, as the platoon passed alongside that section of track, a watching North Vietnamese soldier plunged a handmade, remote detonator, exploding a series of mines buried under the cowchips. The explosions immediately killed several of the platoon and wounded several others, including K, ripping the legs off of some men, including an especially beloved black lieutenant. For 16 years, since that incident, K has avoided recollections of that event only to see them emerge in nightmares and daytime flashbacks. Characteristically, his avoidance of that event and its implications for him have been accompanied by the use of alcohol and drugs, emotional numbness, somatic difficulties and social alienation. Nor is it always action that is the source of the intrusive thoughts. Failure to act may also precipitate later reactions. Bobby, another former Marine, first came to my attention because of legal difficulties. It was alleged that he had beaten his wife during sexual activities. During the initial interview, Bobby insisted that, while he had indeed hit his wife, the more common occurrence was that she often beat him in the course of sexual intimacy. When Bobby was asked if he needed to be punished, he replied, "Yes." When asked why, he answered, "Because of Vietnam." When asked if there was a specific incident, Bobby, becoming agitated, spoke of an incident involving a captured female North Vietnamese nurse. Bobby was serving as an advisor to a South Vietnamese Army unit when the prisoner was turned over to them. Bobby stood by while she was raped, tortured, and sodomized, then mastur- bated, defecated and urinated on. Bobby felt unable to reconcile his failure to act on the impulse to stop the behavior and indicated a secret conflicting impulse to join in. Conflicting impulses are often at the core of a traumatic episode buried for years. RD is a 39-year-old former Navy Medical Corpsman. After one tour in Vietnam with the Marines, he was released from active duty into the Reserves and returned to his home town of Baltimore. Due to a shortage of trained corpsmen, he was recalled to active duty where he saw intense action during the TET offensive in 1968. Out on an operation five days before the end of this second tour, the corpsman's unit got caught in an ambush. Panicked at all the previous close calls he had survived, he hid behind a rock while hearing the cries for "corpsman." For ten years after his discharge, he was haunted by his act of "cowardice." NAM VET Newsletter Page 24 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 While never speaking of the experience, he nonetheless spent ten years as a veteran counselor rescuing other veterans in bars and flop houses and creating forums for them to talk. RD's deeply held belief that corpsmen and medics risk all for the wounded allowed no room for his conflicting impulse to protect his own life. His belief was bolstered by the high esteem and respect accorded corpsmen and medics for precisely that selflessness. Quite often, when there is not an initial working through and resolution of traumatic experience, the return to normal functioning forces the working through of the traumatic action to take place at the subconscious level. Thus, in many survivors, the playing out of the traumatic action often takes the form of very concrete undoing, as in the above case. In another case, the clinician may see a veteran who flew aircraft spraying chemical defoliant in Vietnam who denies that the war had any impact on his life, but now works as a chemical safety officer for a major chemical firm. Subconscious undoing of the past "fault," frequently by being intensely involved in directly helping victims similar to those in Vietnam, is a common and effective pattern in medics, corpsmen, doctors, nurses and chaplains for avoiding conscious confrontation with one's own wartime actions. This patter is especially dramatic in former combat nurses who not only persist in healing roles but often find themselves continuing to function in crisis and emergency situations, where the circumstances of their current positions play out concretely the stresses of their own traumatic war experience. These helping professionals will often devote large amounts of time to counseling others even in groups where they are ostensibly members seeking help. Frequently, only a dramatic episode will trigger the recognition that they also have personal experience which needs to be explored. M, a Boston nurse who had served in Vietnam, described her current difficulties in a recent interview. She was haunted by troubling thoughts of Vietnam and described her inability to stay in bed at night without the light on. Since her return, she indicated that not a week had gone by without recurrent thoughts about the decisions she had made in Vietnam. She gave the example of one night when, with a short-handed unit, she became the triage officer whose duty it was to asses the gravity of injuries and then select, given the limited treat- ment resources, those soldiers with salvageable wounds who would receive treatment, leaving those soldiers too severely wounded to die. As ostensibly neutral non- combatants, despite their vigorous objections, the medical staff was required to treat both Americans and any wounded North Vietnamese prisoners. Torn over an oath to care for all the injured, she followed common practice and selected Americans with even minor injury for treatment while leaving North Vietnamese prisoners, with severe but treatable injuries, to die. Despite objections, American and North Vietnamese patients were often placed on the same ward. The nursing staff, loyal to their American charges, were often reluctant to care for the Vietnamese. One evening M volunteered to change dressings on a severely burned Vietnamese for whom no one else would care. As NAM VET Newsletter Page 25 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 she was changing his bandages and cleaning the wounds, the prisoner suddenly grabbed a pair of scissors and lunged at her. Narrowly escaping, she called for a pair of military guards to "take care" of him. The military guards quickly hustled him off the ward. A short while later, they returned to assure her that he would no longer bother her and that he had been taken care of. She has a recurrent nightmare about this incident. Because of a recent flashback experience she no longer carries scissors. On this particular day in the operating room, a fellow nurse announced that she was reaching into the pocket of M's uniform for a pair of scissors. As the nurse did so, M panicked, turned and struck the other nurse. Until her interview, she had never spoken with anyone about the earlier incident. Though highly regarded by her peers, she feels ashamed and inadequate about her performance as a nurse in Vietnam. Afraid to look into the future, she refused to look at the past, feeling that if she did, she would start crying and never stop. Blank<27> has noted that such personal traumatic episodes, repressed and unexamined for years, yet still powerfully charged affectively, may result later in an unconscious re-enactment of the episode in vivid concrete detail. Such later recapitulations and undoing of the past personal action in a traumatic incident may be the key to recapturing an integrity which opens a channel to recovery. T was a 26-year-old former Army infantryman who begged to be permitted to join an ongoing rap group. At his first session, he poured out a terrible tale. T, the squad leader, had stopped the squad's armoured personnel carrier (APC) while they broke for lunch. While T and the others ate outside, T had the radioman stay inside the vehicle at the radio. Suddenly, the squad came under attack and the APC was hit with an RPG - rocket powered grenade. T dashed to rescue the radioman but was unable to pry open the door, warped shut by the heat. T was now agonizing in the group over the terrible screams of the dying radioman and his impotence in doing something about it. In the following weeks, the group learned that T was under pressure at the advertising agency where he worked as a production manager. T was dragging his feet on getting out an airline's ad on their jet fleet. In discussions with the group, it emerged that the entire jet fleet of this airline was composed of a type of plane which had, in the past few years, been involved in a series of crashes resulting from a faulty latch on a cargo door, thereby killing several hundred people. T was unsure whether the expensive modific- ations recommended by the airplane's manufacturer had been performed on this airline's fleet. The group helped T to finally realize that his reluctance to participate in an ad campaign which might induce people to ride in a potentially unsafe aircraft might be connected to the incident in Vietnam. The group then helped T find a course of action which, with a minimum of confrontation, would lead to the assurance that the modifications had been performed. NAM VET Newsletter Page 26 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 While in T's case, exploration of the current situation and of a past action of perceived responsibility led to significant improvement in the quality of T's life, long years of denial can result in serious pathology. LR was a thirty-three year old former Marine. At the time of interview, he was hospitalized with his forty second admission in a large east coast VA psychiatric facility. The staff suspected a case of multiple personality since LR referred to himself as Karl and frequently spoke in German on the ward. He had been a particularly troublesome, aggravating and intractable patient, disruptive on the ward and often signing himself out abruptly only to end up at another VA facility somewhere across the contry to then be trans- ferred back to the hospital. The staff knew little about LR's military history except that he had been in Vietnam and had read the book, THE SPY WHO CAME IN FROM THE COLD, on the plane on his way over to Vietnam. During the interview with a consulting psychologist, it was revealed that LR had been a forward observer tasked with calling in artillery fire on enemy positions. After the interview, the consultant read the book, THE SPY, and realized that the central character was res- ponsible for an ally's fleeing across the no man's land at the Berlin Wall where he was shot. The consultant suggested to the ward staff that LR be placed in a rap group where the possibility be explored that LR might have called in artillery fire on some of his own troops. Fourteen months later, LR broke down in the rap group and revealed that he had mistakenly misdirected artillery fire on an American unit killing and wounding ninety men. Not all traumas connected to a war or catastrophe happen just to the participants. Lesser traumas can have a great impact even far from the front, and will be connected only later when the participant realizes the import of his actions. P was a black Army officer in charge of returnees from Vietnam reassigned to Germany. He was responsible for mustering out, with administrative discharges, those Vietnam veterans with poor attitudes who failed to adapt to the regimentation and boredom of non-combat garrison life by using drugs, talking back or having general "bad attitudes." After his release from the service, even with his excellent education and record, P found himself unable to "get his life together" until he "happened" to find a job where he counseled veterans with less than honorable discharges and helped them to upgrade these those discharges and get a fresh start. Though P repeatedly remarked on how satisfying and meaningful he found his work for the first time, it was some time before he recognized the connection to his military experience. Another example of a minor earlier decision having later impact is illustrated in the demonstration video tape of a sodium amytal interview by Dr. Lawrence Kolb<28>. X, a black Vietnam veteran is sedated with amytal. At first quiet, he becomes agitated, enraged and tearful NAM VET Newsletter Page 27 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 as a painful memory of a Vietnam attack is triggered by the playing of a tape of combat sounds. X recounts how a hometown buddy died in his arms after being hit in the attack. Under questioning by Dr. Kolb while crying and angry, X repeats his blame for the death because the admiring buddy following him into the service despite X's protests. Having made the observation of the apparent role of personal action and responsibility in a war and other major catastrophes, I have come to see it frequently in other situations. I suspect that the consequences of personal choice and action may be part of the reason why we see stress reactions among rescue workers and emergency medical technicians. As these workers race to the aid of victims, as in the Hyatt Regency walkway collapse in Kansas City (1981), these rescue workers make choices about whom to treat first or about moving a steel beam which, in retrospect, may have had tragic consequences for another victim. In a similar way, victims themselves make choices. After grabbing the hand of a spouse and dashing to the left, where a beam collapses on that spouse, the victim will often agonize over wishing he had made the choice to go to the right instead. Furthermore, the victims may distort the blame so that they appear to hold themselves more responsible for the death than the accident itself. In some cases, a distorted notion of personal responsibility may sometimes lead rape victims to blame themselves in a caricature of the old myth of "asking for it." MP, a 26-year-old Midwesterner, worked for an antipoverty agency in Tucson. Returning home from work one evening, she was walking the dimly lit streets between the bus stop and her home. Tired from a long day,she neglected to cross to the other side of the street, as she normally did, when she saw a strange man approaching as she passed by a wooded area. When the man grabbed and attacked her, she found herself screaming internally but was stunned to realize that no words came from her mouth. Though she finally managed to wiggle free and escape in terror, four years later she appears to blame and in subtle ways punish herself for the incident, with greater focus on her role than on the rapist's role. In many victims of catastrophe, the assertion of personal responsibility is an attempt to overcome overwhelming feelings of powerlessness and helplessness in the face of the disaster. Such assertions of responsibility and control, while serving positive ends, may also contain seeds of future turmoil. WS, a surgeon, had been away on one of his frequent professional trips. On his return, he wanted to relieve M, his wife, of the responsibility of watching over their four year old daughter, R, so he planned to spend time with R shopping at a local toy store. En route to the store, WS asked R which of the two popular toy stores she wanted to visit. R chose the further store because it had a greater selection of toys. As the two drove on, WS was reflecting on pressing issues about his work. The car in front stopped short to turn left without signaling and WS's car plowed into the rear, crushing the gas tank and bursting into flames. NAM VET Newsletter Page 28 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Despite partially crushing his own skull against the windshield, WS managed to unbuckle, grab his daughter and dash out the passenger side before both cars burned. The driver of the other car escaped but WS was left with head injuries and several cracked ribs. In the hospital, WS worked over his responsibility and what he could have done differently. Meanwhile, his wife was agonizing over the brief spat that they had just before the trip and her guilt over how relieved she had felt "to be rid of" the two of them for a time. R, appeared to be little affected by the accident, the sight of her father bleeding by the side of the road and the tension and hustle of the hospital emergency room. However, she later revealed, during a play session, how she was responsible for the accident. On questioning, she said she had been dreaming and thinking about the fact that if only she had chosen to go to the closer store, the accident would never have happened. Even more ordinary events of everyday life may lead to rumination about personal responsibility and to the pattern of intrusive thought characteristic of stress reactions. "I was very upset because, essentially, a guard (Indiana's Isiah Thomas) beat us and that's my position," UNC guard Jimmy Black said of the Tar Heels' championship game loss to Indiana last season. "I felt like I had let the team down and that's what probaably bothered me the most. Then I realized it was a team effort and we can't put the blame on anyone. "I know I couldn't sleep for about a week afterwards, thinking about what we could have done," Black added, "I want to get my rest this year." (Durham Morning Herald, March 25, 1982) In later interviews, Jimmy revealed that in the weeks following the basketball loss to Indiana, he had been obsessed by nightmares and daytime intrusive images of Isiah Thomas' various fakes and moves during which he had scored crucial baskets. Jimmy was haunted by self- blame until chats with his teammates convinces him that the team and coaches together bore responsibility rather than he alone. Another well-known dramatization of the troubling sequelae to perceived personal responsibility for tragedy is the recent book and film ORDINARY PEOPLE<29>. The resolution of the son's traumatic stress reaction comes only when, triggered by news of a friend's death, he experiences a flashback and then he and his therapist face his self-blame. Beyond the grief for the loss, he has blamed and punished himself for the drowning even though it was the older brother who let go of their hands clasped across the hull of their capsized boat. Too great an emphasis on the survival aspects of catastrophic experience may obscure the actions and choices involved in survival. A focus simply on intensity of stress invariably leads to a grading and evaluation of catastrophic experience which also obscures the painful consequences of action and the subtle choices made under such stressful conditions. While the severity and intensity of stress may be the bestpredictor of the symptoms of stress reaction, more powerful, longer lasting stresses may NAM VET Newsletter Page 29 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 just provide more occasion and opportunity for the types of painful choices illustrated in the cases above. Such expectations about survival and severity of stress and its reactions also contribute to a falsification of experience on the part of the victim. Victims will sometimes fabricate or distort their traumatic experience in order to bring it into line with expectations of the type of stressful encounter which will generate the sympathy and empathetic response they desire. Consider the following example. W is a German, Jewish psychologist from the Southwest. During WWII, she spent her early adolescence fleeing and hiding from Nazi persecutors who had shipped her parents to a concentration camp in Poland. Still at large at the end of the war, she found her way to the U.S. with a group of other orphaned Jewish children. Later, when she learned that her parents had survived, W found herself the only one among her peers who had surviving parents. Consumed and confused by the years of panic and trauma, she nonetheless felt guilty and petty about her experience next to her peers who had lost their entire families. Judging her own trauma to be negligible, but jealous of the warmth and care tendered to her orphaned peers, she distorted and exaggerated her own haunted experience to gain the equality of suffering she needed for that sympathy. Only later did she realize the extent to which that compromise had rendered the sympathy conterfeit, when she found herself repeatedly obsessed with tracking down the authenticity of the tales of her combat veteran clients. The extent of the personal blame victims accord themselves and the quality of the moral judgments they pass on their actions influence the course of the recovery process they will follow far more than the objective severity of the stress which individuals undergo. Unexpressed expectations of the judgments others will make (often confirming their own secret and lacerating evaluations) frequently render unexplained and powerful incidents subconscious, emerging only obliquely to wreak havoc with their current lives. Awareness of and openness to exploration of thise theme of personal responsibility in traumatic stress may further the resolution of catastrophic reactions as well as open a path of intersection with the mechanisms underlying intense reactions to more common life stresses. REFERENCES 1 DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS, ed 3. Washington, American Psychiatric Association, 1980. 2 Janet P: PSYCHOLOGICAL HEALING. New York, Arno Press, 1923. 3 Freud S: Psychoanalysis and war neuroses, in Rieff P (ed): CHARACTER AND CULTURE, New York, Macmillan Publishing Co Inc. 1963. 4 Freud S: Reflections upon war and death, in Rieff P (ed): CHARACTER AND CULTURE, New York, Macmillan Publishing Co Inc. 1963. 5 Lindemann E: Symptomatology nd management of acute grief, AM J PSYCHIATRY 1944; 101:141-148 6 Adler A: Neuropsychiatric complications in victims of Boston's Cocoanut Grove Fire. JAMA 1943; 123:1098-1101. NAM VET Newsletter Page 30 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 7 Shatan CF: The grief of soldiers - Vietnam combat veterans' self-help movement. AM J ORTHOPSYCHIATRY 1973d; 43:640-653. 8 Lifton RJ: THE RAP GROUP EXPERIENCE WITH VIETNAM VETERANS. Sub-committee on Health and Hospitals of the Committee on Veterans Affairs and the Subcommittee on Alcoholism and Narcotics of the Committee on Labor and Public Welfare, United States Senate, Government Printing Office, June, 1971. 9 Wilmer HA: Vietnam and madness: Dreams of veterans. J AM ACAD PSYCHOANAL 1982; 10:47-65 10 WILMER HA: Dream seminar for chronic schizophrenic patients. PSYCHIATRY, 1982, to be published. 11 Keane TM, Kaloupek DG: Imaginal flooding in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder. J CONSULT CLIN PSYCHOL, to be published. 12 Brende, JO, Benedict BD: The Vietnam combat delayed stress syndrome: Hypnotherapy of dissociative symptoms!" AM J CLIN HYPN 1980; 23:34-40. 13 Williams C, Williams T: Evaluation and treatment of the family of Vietnam veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Presented at the American Psychiatric Association Annual Meeting, Toronto, May 1982. 14 Wilkinson DR: The Hyatt Regency victims - One year later. Kansas City, Missouri, National Public Radio, July 17, 1982. 15 Egendorf A, Kadushin C, Laufer RS, et al: LEGACIES OF VIETNAM: COMPARATIVE ADJUSTMENT OF VETERANS AND THEIR PEERS. Veterans Administration, Center for Policy Research, Government Printing Office, 1981. 16 Norris J, Feldman-Summers S: Factors related to psychological impacts of rape on the victim. J ABNORM PSYCHOL 1981; 90:562-567. 17 Frye JS, Stockton R: Discriminant analysis of post-traumatic stress disorders among a group of Vietnam Veterans. AM J PSYCHIATRY 1982; 139:52-56. 18 Helzer JE, Robins LN, Wish E, et al: Depression in Vietnam veterans and civilian controls. AM J PSYCHIATRY 1979; 136:526-529. 19 Lifton RJ: DEATH IN LIFE: SURVIVORS OF HIROSHIMA. New York, Random House Inc. 1968. 20 Haley SA: When the patient reports atrocities. ARCH GEN PSYCHIATRY 1974; 30:191-196. 21 Smith JR, Parson ER, Haley SA. On health and disorder in Vietnam Veterans: An invited commentary. AM J ORTHOPSYCHIATRY, to be published. 22 Shatan CF: Post-Vietnam Syndrome. THE NEW YORK TIMES, May 6, 1972, p 35. 23 Hendin H, Pollinger A, Singer P, et al: Meanings of combat and the development of post-traumatic stress disorder. AM J PSYCHIATRY 1981; 138:1490. 24 Lifton RJ: HOME FROM THE WAR, New York, Simon and Schuster Inc. 1973. 25 Marin P: Living in moral pain. PSYCHOLOGY TODAY, 1981; 15(11):68-80. 26 Capps WH: THE UNFINISHED WAR: VIETNAM AND THE AMERICAN CONSCIENCE. Boston, Beacon Press Inc. 1982. 27 Blank AS Jr: The unconscious flashback to the war in Vietnam veterans: Clinical mystery, legal defense, and community problem. AM J PSYCHIATRY, to be published. 28 Kolb L: SODIUM AMYTAL INTERVIEWS WITH VIETNAM VETERANS, videotape. Albany, New York, VA Medical Center, 1980. 29 Guest J: ORDINARY PEOPLE, New York, Random House Inc, 1976. NAM VET Newsletter Page 31 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY I AM! Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413-443-6313) FidoNet 1:321/203 The following letter appeared in the April, 1989 edition of THE VETERAN - a publication of Vietnam Veterans of America: Dear Editor... In the January 1989 VETERAN, Kenneth R. Fuhrmann wrote a letter that clearly expresses the feeling shared by probably over 90 percent of Vietnam veterans. Being a proud Vietnam veteran is something we can all feel WITHOUT having to feel guilt, or suffering from PTSD, or going into fits of rage, or being divorced (and blaming it on our Vietnam experience), or hating the VA, or being unemployed, or incarcerated, or homeless. All of these are true for some Vietnam veterans. But there are many MORE of us who have been able to cope with our traumatic combat experiences and who are active, contributing American citizens, husbands, fathers, and members of our communities. Truthfully, many of us are very tired of the image of the Vietnam veteran as a homeless, alcoholic, wife-beating "Rambo." Most of us went to Vietnam as proud Americans, served as proud Americans, returned "home" as proud Americans, and today are no less proud than we ever were. One reason so many Vietnam veterans would not (and many still will not) admit they served in Vietnam might be because they did not (and do not) WANT to be associated with an image that does not fit them. They are no less proud than anyone else who served, and it makes me ill that they are often not accepted as "real" Vietnam veterans simply because they have chosen to dress in neat clothes, do not drink alcohol or talk about war memories that still hurt, are not tall and slim anymore, or fit into anybody's mold of how they should act or be. They went to war as individuals who were not going to let their agemates fight, and bleed, and die alone. They are Vietnam veterans in the finest tradition, and their quest for individuality has never changed. Most people would not guess that I am a Vietnam veteran. I am not tall, and I still can put on the same uniform I wore when I was commissioned at the age of 19. No, I was not there very long, three months and 21 days in all, but I spent over three of the next five years in the hospital "being fixed up." I am retired, and I am rated 100 percent disabled because of my wounds. My little brother was killed in Vietnam with four or five of his men in May 1970, and my father spent four tours in Vietnam. Am I a proud Vietnam veteran? You bet your sweet bippy I am. Vietnam was a million-dollar experience I would not pay a nickel to repeat, but I think about it 20 or 30 times a day. I remember my tour in Vietnam with pride and honor, not with guilt and shame. Nobody likes war, and I wish there never was a Vietnam WAR, but there was, and I hold my head high in honor of my friends who gave their lives so other soldiers could live. NAM VET Newsletter Page 32 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 A couple of years ago, I read that one out of four helicopter pilots did not survive. I am proud to have served with these men and the 58,000 who gave their lives so bravely. Like Kenneth Fuhrmann said, let's have more articles about the Vietnam veteran who has "regrouped" and has been able to fit back into the community. James P. Meade, Jr., Ph.D. San Diego, California NAM VET Newsletter Page 33 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= N o t i c e s o f c u r r e n t i n t e r e s t ================================================================= VA MEDICAL CARE PROGRAM NOW IN "STATE OF EMERGENCY" From: June 1989 DAV Magazine P. 9 Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 The Secretary of Veterans Affairs has told the House Appropriations Committee that the VA "Medical Care program is now in a state of emergency," and that "medical employment will start dropping by 200 FTEE (full-time equivalent employees) or more for each two-week pay period," unless supplemental funds are immediately approved. The alarm was sounded by Secretary Edward J. Derwinski in a recent letter to House Appropriations Committee Chairman Jamie L. Whitten (D-Miss.). "Each day that supplemental funding is not forthcoming, the level of service provided by the VA's medical system is diminished," Derwinski wrote. "Currently, the medical employment level is at 190,728 FTEE, 4,000 below the level directed by Congress. The employment reduction has reduced the number of outpatients treated this year by approximately 600,000 visits... As of May 19, 1989, VA capital accounts will be frozen even though the replacement equipment backlog is in excess of $600 million. Activation funding for 96 projects will be stopped, as will funding for high technology sharing agreements with DoD and private hospitals." DAV officials said Derwinski's letter was a boldly frank assessment of the funding problem that represents a significant departure from the "rosy scenario that has marked past VA officials' budget assessments." Legislation providing some $340 million in emergency supplemental funds is presently being studied by the Appropriation's Committee, with no estimate as to when it might clear committee and be scheduled for a vote. Derwinski underscored the fact that time and options have run out for the VA. "The VA has virtually exhausted its flexibility to borrow from non-payroll accounts to support the employment level necessary to properly treat veterans. Inventories of supplies are low, and the purchase of necessary medical equipment will have to be postponed until next fiscal year." In urging Whitten to move rapidly on behalf of the VA, Derwinski wrote, "I seek your assistance in guiding this supplemental through Congress and ensuring it is not encumbered with amendments or provisions that could delay Presidential approval." NAM VET Newsletter Page 35 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 from The New York Times, Tuesday, May 9 1989 p A24 Input by: Kathleen Kelly Blythe Systems Telepsych: People Reaching People 718-448-2358 (1033/0) RULE OVERTURNED ON AGENT ORANGE Judge Orders V.A. to Review More than 31,000 Claims SAN FRANCISCO, MAY 8 1989 (AP) -- A Federal District judge has thrown out the Veterans Administration's rules on health damage attributed to the herbicide Agent Orange and has ordered the agency to reconsider claims of more than 31,000 Vietnam War veterans. Judge Thelton Henderson said in a decision made public today that in denying most claims for health benefits related to Agent Orange, the Veterans Administration wrongly required proof that the herbicide causes various diseases and that it failed to give veterans the benefit of the doubt. "These errors, especially sharply compounded with one another, sharply tipped the scales against veteran claimants," Judge Henderson said. Ruling in a nationwide lawsuit on behalf of the claimants, Judge Henderson struck down Government regulations that deny Agent Orange service-connected health benefits for cancers and all other diseases except one nonfatal skin condition, chloracne. He also ordered the agency to reopen all claims denied under those rules. The Government is expected to appeal the decision. The Veterans Administration was represented by the Justice Department, whose spokeswoman, Amy Brown, declined comment on the ruling, saying department lawyers had not seen it. VETERANS GROUP HAILS RULING "This is a major victory with far-reaching implications," said Mary Stout, president of Vietnam Veterans of America. "The ruling validates what Vietnam veterans have been saying for years, that the V.A. has failed to give Agent Orange victims a fair hearing," she said. "I am optimistic that Congress will now act quickly to resolve this most painful legacy of the Vietnam War." Barry Kasinitz, spokesman for the 35,000-member veterans group, said it will again sponsor legislation to require Agent Orange benefits for two types of cancer -- soft-tissue sarcoma and non-Hodgkins lymphoma -- and establish a new scientific panel, independent of the Veterans Administration, to study the herbicide's health effects. A similar bill was passedby the Senate last year but died in the House, he said. Though Judge Henderson's ruling does not require the Government to add any diseases to the service-connected list for Agent Orange, Mr. Kasinitz said the performance so far of the Secretary of Veterans Affairs, Edward J. Derwinski, provide NAM VET Newsletter Page 36 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 grounds for optimism. Agent Orange, whose toxic ingredient is dioxin, was used as a defoliant by United States in Vietnam. Its health effects are sharply disputed. The agency, relying on a review by an 11-member scientific committee, ruled in 1985 that only one condition, chloracne, could be considered a service-connected effect of exposure to Agent Orange. Judge Henderson rejected a challenge by the veterans' group to the scientific committee's review of studies on the effects of Agent Orange. But the judge said the standards the agency used in making its rules violated a 1984 Federal law that was supposed to help Vietnam veterans get the health benefits they were due. Judge Henderson said the agency had improperly required proof of a cause and effect relationship between the herbicide and a disease for which benefits would be granted. Instead, he said, the agency should have required only that statistics show a significant correlation between dioxin exposure and a disease, or an "increased risk of incidence." * * * NAM VET Newsletter Page 37 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 VETS IN LEGAL JEOPARDY FOR LEADING TOURS TO VIETNAM By Thomas J. Brazaitis Newhouse News Service Source: Staten Island Advance, Friday May 26, 1989. Page A15. Input by: Bob Richards NY Transfer 1033/0 WASHINGTON, D.C. May 26, 1989 -- Twenty years ago the US Government threatened to throw Don Mills in jail if he did not go to Vietnam. Now the Government is threatening to throw him in jail if he does go to Vietnam. Mills did not want to go the first time, but heeded his government and went. He served with an Army infantry unit in the Mekong Delta. He hated every minute of it, but he survived. This time, like some war protestor in reverse, he is defying government orders forbidding him to go back to the wartorn country he has come to appreciate, even admire. Mills and ex-Marine John Meyers, both of Akron, Ohio, chapter of the Vietnam Veterans of America, have arranged seven trips to Vietnam for fellow veterans and are planning an eighth trip this fall. The Treasury Department has warned them if they continue to conduct tours of Vietnam they will be arrested for violating Government regulations based on a 1917 law prohibiting Americans from trading with enemies of the United States. Cambodia, Cuba, North Korea and Vietnam are on the current US enemies list. At a Washington news conference yesterday, Mills, 45, said he was "insulted" that the Government would threaten him with jail for helping fellow veterans heal the wounds of the war. Meyers, 39, said the trips are good therapy for veterans and suggested the Treasury Department find other alleged criminals to prosecute. A spokesman for the Treasury Department refused to comment on the non-profit Akron veterans group, which charges nothing for booking tours twice a year. However, the spokesman referred a reporter to a news release issued Wednesday telling of a guilty plea by a Connecticut travel agency that had arranged group tours to Vietnam and Cambodia. An arrest was made after an undercover Customs Service agent booked a tour through the firm. So far, Mills and Meyers have ignored the Treasury Department directives to stop the tours, despite a written warning that they could face fines of up to $50,000 and ten years in jail. After pleading guilty, the Connecticut firm was ordered to pay a $25,000 fine and to reimburse the undercover agent the $4,410 he paid to book his trip. Susan R. Benda of the American Civil Liberties Union said the Treasury Department has "no more right to interfere with NAM VET Newsletter Page 38 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 meetings and discussions of Vietnam vets about traveling to Vietnam than it does to limit any other lawful speech activity of Americans." Benda said the ACLU will back the veterans in court, if it comes to that. "We believe an attempt to prosecute them for arranging travel back to Vietnam, for assisting other vets ... in trying to heal old and deep wounds would be a great mistake," Benda said. Mark McCausland, who was 18 when he lost his left arm and left leg and suffered other wounds in an ambush, said doctors had done what they could to treat his physical injuries, but that it took a trip back to Vietnam to heal the "invisible wounds" he suffered. McCausland, now 38 and living near Akron, said his nightmares were filled with images of Vietnam as a "deadly place ... with sharp objects, guns and bullets all around." Going back in February, he found "a peaceful little country that looks almost like Florida." McCausland said the Vietnamese people he and other veterans encountered were uniformly friendly. "Anytime we would get off the bus, they would swarm around us like we were celebrities or something," he said. Greg Kleven, a Vietnam veteran from Concord, Calif., said he went back twice because he "really didn't believe what I saw the first time." Kleven said the Vietnamese people appear to have put the war behind them, adding, "they are too busy rebuilding to have time to worry about it." NAM VET Newsletter Page 39 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= M E M O R I E S ================================================================= "Ho Chang" Input by: Rod Germain 1625 S. 4th Ave. Arcadia, Ca. 91006 I was looking through some of my stuff from Nam and came up with with the following story. After downloading your Jan. '88 NAMVET from Compuserve, I thought I'd forward it on and see if you can use it. I still have a few old "BOONDOCK BARDS" from the Stars & Stripes if you're interested. ================================================================ Ho Chang rests his rifle across a branch and focuses his telescopic site on the American Infantryman wading through the rice paddy, he waits... Ho Chang is a fifteen year old freedom fighter, a lethal marksman, and a sniper. Concealed high in a tree, a tree that not many years ago in climbed in play. He reaches and methodically plucks a leaf from his line of fire. He feels the familiar anticipation for the kill...KILLING is his single remaining pleasure. Ho Chang is a fanatic. He became one six months earlier while watching his mother, father, and beloved sister run screaming from the engulfing curl of flame and smoke that once had been their home. He watched his loved ones, each a gaping mouthed wildly gesturing torch stumbling crazily through the village and finally sprawling laying amidst the dust, eyeless, hairless black charred hunks that twitched and made sounds not human. Ho Chang crouched beside them weeping and rocking to and fro praying that he might die but only his fire seared soul would die... Their hut had been struck by a low flying American fighter plane. The American Infantryman, Private Robert Evans, is in his first day of combat. Always a peaceful boy raised in the quiet suburbs of Los Angeles. Pvt. Evans, other than playful wrestling on the lawn with neighbor boys, had never been involved in physical conflict until today. Today he has killed three people. A few hours earlier his squad had been fired on from a dense thicket by a number of the enemy. The boy beside him, his only close friend in the service, suddenly stopped and turned to him with a surprised expression on his face and a small red oozing from his forehead. The boy was dead before his body hit the ground. The sergeant shouted a command and Evans, in a blurr of rage and revenge, followed his combat training. Running a zig zag pattern firing from the hip, he charged the thicket with his squad. A flurry of shouts, of confussion and violent hand-to-hand combat resulted in Pvt. Evans shooting two uniformed boys and pulling his bayonet from the breast of a third. A slim uniformed enemy, a young girl. Their eyes had locked, his young blue irised horror, hers in brown graceful tilted long-lashed acceptance that glazed to death while he watched and whimpered... NAM VET Newsletter Page 40 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Alone now, lost from his squad, wandering aimlessly, helmet gone but still carrying his heavy rifle with it's dipped bayonet dried to a rust hue, he slogs through the rice patty, its water almost up to his knees. Dazed, oblivious, mumbling to himself, his mind has returned home to L.A., to the high school he graduated from last year, to sixteen year old Donna who still attends the school. Donna who had promised to wait for him, who writes long chatty letters on ruled note book paper, who has been with no other boy. Both slim, both with long blond straight hair, both tanned with faded blue jeans and sandals walking hand in hand looking much the same. He remembers school days together, surfing together, getting high together, their eyes staring at each other in an innocent, loving gentle passion. Others at home wait, his brother who brags of a big brother, a hero in uniform. His father, a veteran of WW II and Korea, remembers and worries to himself, never out loud. He is proud of his son for enlisting and volunteering to defend the cause of freedom, but he has also been there and knows the price that has to be paid. He doesn't understand the new rules of engage- ment and the whole thing somehow doesn't add up. His mother, a strong woman, worries for his safe return and counts the days. Mom isn't much interested in politics, she just wants her boy home safe. Sometimes she goes into his room and just sits... Pvt. Evans' head looms large framed in Ho Changs telescopic sight. The American's hair is strange uneven brown, a few months earlier it had been pale blond, bleached by the California sun and peroxide fad adhered to by the surfing crowd. Ho Chang feels grim satisfaction at imminent destruction of another American and carefully begins squeezing the ... he pauses ... deciding against quick death, he lowers his site on the enemy figure. The rifle jumps ... kicks solidly against his shoulder ... and a violent crack of sound shattered the insect-buzzing, hot, humid day. The immediate silence that follows hangs still and ominus on the warm heavy air. The hate-altered hollow point nose bullet leaves a small smoldering hole in Pvt. Evans shirt it enters his side below the ribs and above the hip bone. Expanding rapidly it plows a deep trough across the abdomen, leaving his body in a slightly lower location on the left side. Pvt Evans throws his hands in the air and staggered awkwardly, he doesn't fall. Stunnned by the bullets slamming impact he fails to understand what has happened, but immediately the numbness begins to change to pain, a trail of dull pain across his belly. He looks down in a con- fused stupor and opens his shirt. His front is soaking red... blood.. He stands there swaying in shock, bewildered, sweat pours over his face as he stares at the gaping wound across his stomach. A wound from which his entrails now bulged, a wound that now sluggidly disgorges loud quivering glands of blue ruptured spurting arteries, of red severed nerve, jumping muscles, a hanging mutilated mass of brown leaking intestine that drops and splashes the muddy water of the rice paddy. Pvt. Evans begins shaking his head in unbelieving protest. He mumbles "No..No.. OH GOD... NO.." swaying, crying, still moving his head in denial, he clumsily grasps the mangled mess of entrails and begins to stuff them back into himself, into the NAM VET Newsletter Page 41 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 open pulsating wound of his belly. A few seconds he plays the hopeless game. His legs begin to shake violently, to jump uncontrollably, they buckle... Pvt. Evans slumps to his knees. He kneels there, the muddy water mixes into the wound and his blood spreads out over the muddy scummy surface of the rice paddy. He understands the futility, and dimly understands his death as he watches his weakened hands fall away and falls face forward into the paddy. Upon the sunlit surface of a far distant native rice paddy only a red smear remains, nineteen years of clean promise gone... NAM VET Newsletter Page 42 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 THE ULTIMATE SNATCH by Mike Dealey It's a helluva way to wake up: Big ole Topkick with his boot on the foot of your rack shaking the dickens out of it and hollering, "Hey, LT, get up and spit...the world's on fire." Mickey's luminous hands told me it was 0430. Damn! These people won't let a man sleep-in even on Sunday. "Naw, Sarge, I ain't going. My religion forbids me from wasting dinks on the sabbath," I said half awake. "Sir, I got your sabbath right HERE. Your team's due on the pad in three-oh." "Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Smitty." Remember how fast we used to wake up back in our youth? I quickly recalled the jump into Indian Territory scheduled for today. We had to be clear of the LZ by first light. This was to be a snatch patrol -- grab a couple of prisoners, bring 'em back for S-2 to interrogate. Avoid contact, if possible. Should be a milk run. Yeah. Sure. I made a quick pass by Jezebel's hootch on my way to the latrine to make sure everyone was donning their war bonnets. They all looked at me kinda funny. This would be my first CA since Xe Than, and they all expected me to freak, I guess. They couldn't seem to believe that I had made peace with myself, my maker, and all involved during my stay in Bellevue (the nut ward at Phu Bia). People have said since that going back to the bush so soon was simply because I wanted to prove something to someone. Not true. I didn't give a big rat's elbow about proving anything. I just wanted payback. I just wanted to kill dinks. My mission was revenge, pure and simple. Privately, I had a quota of 100 dinks for every man I'd lost at Xe Than. That would have been a record by a wide margin. The cold wind from the downdraft of rotor blades will wake you up quick. We were running blacked out, and I could barely discern the outlines of the others in the Huey. Even as I shivered, my palms were sweating. But that was normal, they always did on a CA. Yet I knew once I was on the ground, I'd be okay. The first tinges of light showed the jungles of Laos slithering beneath the chopper like a gigantic green carpet. As the pilot rolled out on his approach to the LZ, I leaned out into the slipstream. There was just enough light for me to see that the other chopper had dumped its load, and I could barely make out the faint wisp of a cherry puff. I felt my throat tighten up as I growled, "Lock and cock, The LZ's hot! Dump the nets." I queued everyone out onto the landing nets in pairs so as not to tip the bird. The six of us were all hanging off the NAM VET Newsletter Page 43 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 bottom of the nets as the pilot fluttered in hard toward the plume of red smoke. At the instant I felt the pilot yank pitch, I yelled, "Go!" We all let go at the same time, and the Huey, lightened of its load, leapt skyward. "Anybody hurt? Good. Secure the LZ. Oscar, on me!" Everything was quiet, no gunfire. The RTO and I scrambled over to where Jezz had the others set up, and I asked, "What's going on, why the red smoke?" "Don't know, LT. They was cappin' at us coming in." When I asked where the shooting was coming from, Jezz pointed to a treeline at the edge of the LZ. Dawn was breaking, but the heavy treeline of the jungle still looked like a black velvet wall. Then, as we watched, a khaki-clad figure came marching slowly out of the jungle. We could see muzzle flashes and hear an AK popping off on semi. Half a dozen M16s immediately started pulling down on the figure until I shouted, "Hold your fire." The most amazing thing: Here's this dumb damn dink walking towards us, AK pointing straight up capping at the sky, and in his other hand waving a white rag. His rifle ran dry and we could hear him calling out, "Chau hoi, chau hoi!" He wanted to surrender! Gad, he was lucky. Normally, if you come diddly-boppin' out of the woods popping caps, you be history. He could thank Buddha that we were on a snatch patrol that day. "All right! We done got us a dink prisoner. Oscar, get those choppers back in here...we're going home." Fifteen minutes on the ground and our mission was accomplished. Hell, we were back in time for breakfast. And the rule was: when you get back from patrol, you get the rest of the day off. Everybody was happy. The dink was happy to be able to dine at The Sign Of The Green Can. We were happy to have a Sunday off. S-2 was ecstatic that we brought them an NVA officer who wanted to defect. The Old Man was happy that everybody was happy. Afterwards, when we were all popping cool ones, Jezebel held his can up and announced, "A toast to LT...damn good to have you back, sir." Big grins all around. That CA would never come close to making up for Xe Than, but I knew I was back in the saddle. You win some, you lose some. [Copyright 1977, 1989 by Boonie Rat aka Mike Dealey] NAM VET Newsletter Page 44 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= S t a t e & F e d e r a l B e n e f i t I n f o r m a t i o n ================================================================= THE VETERAN'S GUIDE TO BENEFITS by RALPH ROBERTS Signet 451-AE6017 ISBN 0-451-16017-7 Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 There are not too many books available to the general public that "put it all together" when it comes to veterans' rights, benefits, and entitlements. NOW, Ralph Roberts has changed all that and made available to YOU, one of the proud veterans of our great nation, THE VETERAN'S GUIDE TO BENEFITS. Sandwiched between the books' 28 Chapters is up-to-date information on the latest regulations and requirements concerning veteran loans, medical - educational - mortgage - pension, and death Benefits -PLUS- a section on today's Electronic Veteran, including the International Vietnam Veterans EchoConference, NAM VET, descriptions of many veteran-oriented computer bulletin board systems - and even some VA BBS's! This book is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED for reading and resource information - and worth well more than its $4.95 retail price. NICE JOB, Ralph!!! G. Joseph Peck Assistant Editor of NAM VET FROM THE BOOK: PREFACE: There are a lot of us! According to figures published by the Veterans Administration in 1988, there are 27.5 million veterans with some 76.4 million dependents (many dependents are also eligible for veterans benefits). Several hundred thousand women are veterans, and now their benefits are the same as those of male veterans, and so are those of THEIR dependents, just like the spouses and children of male veterans. That adds up to over a third of this country's population. Yet, like myself until two years ago, most veterans and the loved ones of veterans have no idea of the rights to which they are entitled. The Veterans Administration - a massive, muddling empire of bureaucracy - although well intentioned, is often of little help. The hospitalization of an elderly relative in a VA NAM VET Newsletter Page 45 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 medical center - as recently happened to a friend of mine, can be a truly eye-opening experience, as runaround is heaped upon runaround. Compound all this with the fact that extensive changes in VA benefits went into effect in 1988, and it is obvious that a book on veterans rights is not optional but a necessity for many. The basic problem we all face is that the U.S. government has not always fulfilled its moral and legal contracts with veterans. The explanation for this includes such factors as budgetary cutbacks and the sheer unmanageable size of this ever growing system. Several investigative reports have been done recently on the many cases of bureaucratic insensitivity to veterans (including one by the author of this book, a decorated Vietnam combat veteran). Getting your rights is often a case of "guilty until proved innocent." The benefits that we veterans are entitled to by law are NOT social programs. They are NOT some form of welfare. They are promises that were made to individuals on entering service. We risked our very lives fighting for this great country, or at least standing at the ready to do so ("They also serve who only stand and wait"). At the end of the time we gave, we - those of us who survived - were promised advantages in education, jobs, medical care, home loans, and other benefits. Our government offered these incentives to attract the men and women necessary for defense or war; and as a way of deferring the full monetary cost at the time our government promised benefits to come later. Most of these benefits are still there, only you now have to fight again to get them. Many veterans are not knowledgeable about these benefits - earned with their very blood and that of departed comrades lying in foreign graves. Some of us have run into bureaucratic walls and decided the hassle was not worth it. Many veterans do not approach the VA until they are in need - perhaps elderly and sick, living on a small fixed income. Then, at the height of vulnerability, red tape snakes forth to entangle them in coils of confusion. The purpose of THE VETERAN'S GUIDE TO BENEFITS is not investigative journalism, though inequities in the system are pointed out, but to show how to obtained earned benefits. It is a survival manual for use in the trackless jungle of the Veterans Administration. The book covers three main areas: medical, educational, and loan benefits. It shows the veteran where and how to find out about individual benefits, and how to take advantage of these benefits. It includes addresses, telephone numbers, and a mass of other useful data, such as how to obtain and fill out the necessary forms (the VA floats on a sea of paper). Most important, it shows how the veteran can cut through bureaucratic red tape to get the benefits he or she has earned. Again, these benefits are not welfare; they were guaranteed when a person entered service. They are EARNED rights. It is my hope that this book helps you or someone you love. CHAPTER 28 - CONCLUDING THOUGHTS: NAM VET Newsletter Page 46 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Throughout this book the emphasis has been on veterans benefits. Although this is well and good - we EARNED those benefits and no amount of red tape should keep us from getting them - there is still more to this veteran business than a few medals in a box and access to the VA medical center. We have a responsibility. It's a serious thing, being a veteran. The late Robert Heinlein, the noted science fiction writer, describes a society in his classic novel STARSHIP TROOPERS in which only veterans are franchised. People who want to vote or hold public office must join up and serve their hitch. It's the only way. Nonveterans are second-class citizens in this particular fictional future. Long ago on real-time on earth, ancient Rome was good to its retired legionnaires. They were given land and other perks. Although this had in part to do with the usually prevalent power of the legions to depose and raise up emperors at whim, it was also recognition by the senate and imperial leadership that the fighting man was what made it all possible. The iron sandal of empire could only be imposed by iron men. Neither the perks of Rome nor the futuristic all-pervasive "veteranization" of government is, of course, the stuff of real life. Nor am I advocating either. The point is, to get these rewards, the veterans had to serve. He or she had to risk life and limb for years before the benefits accrued. They had to take responsibility, and this responsibility did not end when active service time was over - they began. It remains our civic duty to help guide the nation that our sweat and blood has made possible for these past 200 years and more, even if we only do it with our vote. Leadership responsibilities do not end when that medal-bedecked tunic is put in mothballs. They only begin. Learn the various candidates' stands on veterans issues and vote in every election. Being a veteran is a serious thing. NAM VET Newsletter Page 47 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= M i s c e l l a n e o u s ================================================================= I'm hoping you can help me or point me in the right direction. I'm trying to put together a reunion with some of the guys I was in Nam with but I don't have many names as everybody used a nickname and of course back then my thoughts were of home not of the future so I didn't collect names or social security numbers and the like. I was wondering if there is a Department of some sort that maintains records of who was in what unit during a certain period of time. I was with the 101st Airborne, 326th Combat Engineers, Headquarters Company, Drafting and Recon known then as S-2 from July '70 to October '71. We were based at Camp Eagle near Phu Bai. I was hoping to find a lead where I could get a roster of the men and their social security numbers for my outfit during that period??? If you have any ideas how I might go about it I'd be indebted for life. I have a real need to see my brothers again. All this publicity and TV shows of late have brought the past to back to life and I can't seem to shake it. I need to see them again and know how there doing and maybe find peace within myself. I want to try and put together a reunion in '91 at the memorial in D.C. If I can just find them. Can you help me??? I'll check mail on Compuserve every couple of days or you can reach me at the above address and phone number. Thanks in advance for ANY help you can offer. Sincerely, Rod Germain 1625 S. 4th Ave. Arcadia, Ca. 91006 Home Phone 818-447-6732 Compuserve I.D. # 73267,3355 NAM VET Newsletter Page 48 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Wall "A" - 1989 Jun 12-----18.....Unassigned 22-----28.....State College PA Jul 02-----08.....Massena NY 12-----18.....Bronx NY 23-----29.....Greenfield MA Aug 01-----13.....Beverly MA 18-----24.....Oneonta NY 27-Sep 04.....Akron OH Sep 11-----17.....Kokomo IN Oct 16-----22.....Mobile AB 27-Nov-02.....Jacksonville FL Nov 11-----17.....Bayaman PR Wall "B" - 1989 Jun 13-----19.....Valley City ND 23-----29.....Pontiac IL Jul 01-----04.....Rockford IL 09-----15.....Laramie WY 19-----25.....Colorado Springs CO Aug 07-----13.....Grand Island NB 17-----23.....Maryville TN 26-Sep-01.....Nashville TN Sep 06-----12.....Round Rock TX 16-----22.....Ventura CA Oct 23-----27.....Orange CA Nov 02-----08.....San Clemente CA Nov 11-----17.....Los Angeles CA NAM VET Newsletter Page 49 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Some comments about our National Memorial Input by: VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 FidoNet 1:321/203 AlterNet 7:46/203 One of our users recently uploaded the following many comments about our National Memorial. Thought that many of YOU would like to see them too... Ed, Age; 48 I think everyone in America should visit the wall or the moving wall. Harmon , Age: 34 I visited the Memorial for the first time just prior to Memorial Day this year. The statues were haunting. When you graduated from high school in '69 with a draft number of 86 you know your going into the service. I spent the last years of the war in college with a comission on a delayed entry program. Except for that and the grace of God my name could easily be on that wall. Frank Age: 39 I just "happened" onto this service and am delighted to find it. I visited the memorial the Sunday following its inauguration. I recalled that Sunday morning very vividly. I drove from Columbus, Ohio, where I had a business meeting scheduled that following day, to Washington, D.c. R.J. Age: 51 I HAVE NEVER VISITED THE MEMORIAL AND MAY NEVER,BUT I THINK IT IS THE MOST IMPRESSIVE MEMORIAL. IT HAS A HUMAN DIMENSION TOM Age: 39 HAVE READ ALL I COULD ABOUT THE MEMORIAL. THE STORY IN THE NATIONAL GEO. WAS ABOUT THE BEST I THINK. IF I EVER TAKE MY FAMILY TO THE EAST COAST IT IS THE FIRST PLACE I WILL TAKE THEM. AS A VET IT BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES WITH JUST A PICTURE OF IT. WELL DONE DOES NOT SEEM TO SAY ENOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT IT WILL HAVE TO DO. THANKS John Age: 41 I saw the 1/2 scale model of the memorial and I was very moved. I lost several friends to the war and they are missed. We served in the Wolfhounds. David Age: I've lost other friends. They're many things it could be, but I haven't pinned it down. I want to go; I think I need to go. As to the Memorial itself: I can think of no fault in the design. Stark cold, and holding back what would be a landslide of dirt in a beaurocratic town. Impressive, overwhelming by the sheer numbers of the names, and yet a tribute to each BY name. No other soldiers have been so honoured. As at Arlington, the gov't we served only gave the ground in which to put it. A most curious mixture of Honor, Pride, Sorrow, and Neglect. Perfect. NAM VET Newsletter Page 50 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 Jerry Age: 42 I spent some time during Jul and Aug 86 working as a volunteer at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial. Frequently I found that I had to leave the vicinity of the Wall to regain my composure. My initial reaction to the statue and flag addition was mildly negative, but after being with it for a while I found that it complemented the Wall magnificently! I also found myself frequently pointing out the differences between the korean Vets and the 'Nam Vets to the Korean era Vets. A lot of them haven't accepted the Viet Nam era as a problem or that 'Nam Vets are unique. Some I convinced, others just shrugged and walked away. Still others were abusive to a degree. I was annoyed at first at the number of people, mostly kids, who asked to see "Rambo" on the wall. Some of the Volunteers got so irked at this that they have refused to do rubbings of Rambo for non-family members. I rationalized it by remembering that some of these kids will never relate to any aspect of Viet Nam except through an exposure to Rambo. I would let them do their own rubbings and would point out that this Rambo is dead, unlike the fictional hero they are worshipping. Some of them seemed to understand. one was very shocked at the thought. He went away with a most amazed expression. His mother was favorably impressed by this and stayed for an hour talking about what and how she reacted to the war. I spent many hours there and will search out the movable Wall whenever possible and try to help there. I am glad that I had the opportunity to do something like this, It helped me formalize my own reactions and impressions about the War and being a Disabled Vet. Richard Age: 36 As a Vietnam Veteran (1969-1971 USN-Advisor) I was proud to serve during a time that it appeared EVERYONE had forgotten us. But finally I was relieved to see that WE were given our place, and a chance to honor our friends and comrades. Vietnam will always be a part of us. Unfortunately it seems that whenever someone of our age group has difficulty here and now, the News service is all too quick to atribute Vietnam as a part of it. But I think that it is because society has put us down as in no other time in history. We need the WALL to return home... John Age: 38 One of these days I'll get to Washington to visit. Maybe its one of those trips I really don't want to make..to many of my friends are on the wall... Alexander Age: 38 I think that the Memorial is one of the greatest things that we could have done for thoes mem who gave there all for our country. I only hope that everyone can get to Washington to see it, and truly understand it's meaning. Thanks to all of you who made it possable. Pete Age: 43 I've visited the site several times. So far I have not been able to get consistently into my feelings. I spent several tours over there by the time I got back here and began to learn of the BIG LIE, I've been trying to adjust. Each time I've visited the site, I've been confused all over again..why WAS IT IMPORTANT FOR ALL THOSE PEOPLE TO DIE JUST SO THAT OUR NAM VET Newsletter Page 51 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 POLITICIANS AND CORPORATE LEADERS COULD RIP US OFF. They manage to do it NOW without a war Just what is so important about having the other mother's son get blown away so they can look good. I"ve lost so much just trying to get back into sanity about this mess. As I look at the WALL I wonder, What will the memorial for Central America look like and Was that war justified or actually another VIET NAM! NAM VET Newsletter Page 52 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= E l e c t r o n i c V e t s ================================================================= IVVECLST.018 ================================================================== OFFICIAL NODELIST - INTERNATIONAL VIETNAM VETERANS ECHO CONFERENCE ================================================================== If you have any ADDITIONS, DELETIONS, or CHANGES to report, please Contact Woody Carmack at 1:153/130 (1-604-462-8753 Data) or leave a message in the IVVEC. We will acknowledge receipt of your note. ================================================================= NET/ MAX NODE BBS NAME City/State/Country Phone BAUD ================================================================ 632/350 Yarra Valley BBS Melbourne Austr AU 61-3-848-331 1200 114/113 Corwin's Keep Tempe AZ 1-602-894-1470 2400 114/13 Corwin's Keep Tempe AZ 1-602-894-1470 2400 153/123 DAETECH Burnaby BC 1-604-420-2641 9600 153/130 VETSTAR (Northwest) 1-602-462-8752 9600 HST 24 hrs Vietnam Veterans In Canada ( CP ) 153/508 Ebenezer Christian BBS Mission BC 1-604-826-6607 9600 153/133 Hot Line Data Network Langley BC 1-604-533-0421 2400 220/20 Old Frog's Almanac Nanaimo BC 1-604-758-3072 2400 103/507 Philosopher's Log Anaheim CA 1-714-535-1258 9600 200/100 The Board Room Belmont Shores CA 1-213-498-6425 2400 161/502 Wildcat Benicia CA 1-707-746-5820 2400 161/66 Generic BBS Citrus Heights CA 1-916-722-3659 2400 203/66 Generic BBS Citrus Heights CA 1-916-722-3659 2400 161/1 Nerd's Nook Concord CA 1-415-672-2504 9600 202/401 jabberWOCky Escondido CA 1-619-743-9935 2400 161/34 Now and Zen OPUS Fair Oaks CA 1-916-962-1952 9600 161/56 Nat'l Family Forum Freemont, CA 1-415-651-4147 2400 161/7 Mover Mouse BBS Fremont, CA 1-415-883-1644 2400 200/200 CSULB Long Beach, CA 1-213-494-8737 1200 161/39 Nightline Mather AFB, CA 1-916-362-1755 2400 161/509 Enterprize Pinole, CA 1-415-758-1650 2400 NAM VET Newsletter Page 53 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 161/11 The Byte Boutique Sacramento CA 1-916-483-8032 2400 161/5 River City II OPUS Sacramento, CA 1-916-646-9678 9600 161/943 Eagle's Nest Sacramento, CA 1-916-334-2822 9600 10/215 Silver BBS San Diego, CA 1-619-226-4502 2400 125/31 Echo Coord San Francisco CA 1-415-621-5206 9600 DOWN 143/27 Vietnam Veterans Valhalla San Jose CA 1-408-293-7894 2400 Todd Looney 24Hrs 365Days BinkleyTERM 2.0 CM Headquarters, Vietnam Veterans Valhalla * 143/31 Tranquility Base * 143/40 The Dungeon 143/86 Cat's Tail BBS S T O P San Mateo CA 1-415-349-8245 2400 125/78 Living Sober BBS San Mateo, CA 1-415-342-2859 2400 125/12 The Grape Vine Santa Rosa, CA 1-707-546-4938 2400 125/7 Survival Forum Santa Rosa, CA 1-707-545-0746 9600 HST 103/501 Mount Silverthorn Tustin, CA 1-714-544-3369 2400 104/28 Pinecliff BBS Boulder, CO 1-303-444-7073 2400 128/13 COSUG-Colorado's User Clrdo Spg CO 1-404-548-0726 2400 128/16 Firenet Leader Colorado Spring CO 1-303-591-9600 2400 104/739 The Phoenix Parker, CO 1-303-841-9570 2400 104/51 P2 B2 South Denver, CO 1-303-329-3337 2400 141/488 Alice's Restaurant Branford CT 1-203-488-1115 2400 141/250 Wilton Woods Wilton, CT 1-203=762-8481 9600 135/27 Bitsy's Place Miami Beach FL 1-305-865-0495 9600 135/35 The Sober Way Out BBS Miami, FL 1-305-445-6917 2400 363/9 MaMaB--Mark's Bedroom, Orlanda, FL 1-407-894-0807 9600 363/10 Midas Touch Orlando, FL 1-407-648-1133 2400 366/38 Jolly Green Giant Shalimar, FL 1-904-651-3875 9600 370/10 Classic Quick Echo, Athens, GA 1-404-548-0726 2400 370/5 Athens Forum Athens, GA 1-404-546-7857 9600 12/7 HPCUA Honolulu HI 1-808-422-8406 9600 12/1 Aura Net Honolulu, HI 1-808-533-0190 2400 NAM VET Newsletter Page 54 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 115/761 ICS/TRIX 1 OPUS Chicago, IL 1-312-761-7887 2400 115/529 Elk Grove Repeater Elk Grove Vlg IL 1-312-529-1586 2400 115/20 North Shore BBS Evanston, IL 1-312-491-2611 2400 115/429 Chicago Business Evanston, IL 1-312-491-2611 2400 232/4 Runways End OPUS Peoria, IL 1-309-691-5416 9600 HST 11/202 The SouthSide BBS Indianapolis, IN 1-317-882-9330 1200 227/1 Michiana TechLine Mishawaka, IN 1-219-258-0286 9600 227/150 The SX Project Whiting IN 1-219-659-2711 2400 108/90 DATANET Information Syste Erlanger KY 1-606-727-3638 2400 108/50 The ZOO BBS Independence, KY 1-606-283-2040 2400 321/109 PIONEER VALLEY PCUG #1 Amherst, MA 1-413-256-1037 9600 HST 321/203 VETLink #1 Pittsfield, MA 1-413-443-6313 2400 G.Joseph Peck 109/722 Ronnie's Roadies BBS Camp Springs MD 1-301-736-0135 1200 109/648 Falcon's Rock College Park, MD 1-301-345-7459 2400 109/124 ZEPHYR National Capital Area 1-703-620-5418 HST 9600 13/33 Avi-Technic Lutherville, MD 1-301-252-0717 9600 13/30 The Futurists BBS Perry Hall, MD 1-301-529-0716 9600 261/628 Liberty Hall Reisterstown, MD 1-301-833-8933 2400 261/628.1 Systemhouse Link Reisterstown, MD 1-301-833-8933 2400 109/717 The Tin Badge BBS Silver Spring, MD 1-301-589-2016 1200 379/201 Metro Link Charlotte, NC 1-704-553-9534 9600 151/601 VMC-BBS Winston-Salem_NC 1-919-744-0883 2400 151/100 NC Central Raleigh, NC 1-919-851-8460 9600 151/1000 REDCON Raleigh, NC 1-919-859-3353 9600 285/622 Friend's BBS Omaha, NE 1-402-896-2669 2400 Joan Renne 132/101 BBS Source Archive Nashua, NH 1-603-888-8179 2400 150/803 Jersey Vertex Moorestown, NJ 1-609-869-0139 2400 1:305/101 NASW New Mexico Las Cruces, NM 1-505-646-2868 2400 381/401 Border Connection Santa Fe NM 1-505-678-1318 2400 NAM VET Newsletter Page 55 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 107/105 NY Transfer Staten Island, NY 1-718-448-2358 2400 108/105 Global Time Systems Cincinnati, OH 1-606-341-7910 2400 157/1 Auer Register Cleveland, OH 1-216-883-0578 2400 110/20 EDS Data Dayton, OH 1-513-455-2431 2400 157/501 The PC-Key BBS Girard OH 1-216-545-9205 2400 385/4 Info-Net Lawton, OK 1-405-357-6181 2400 385/6 Bink's Barn Lawton, OK 1-405-357-2473 2400 147/14 Dark Star TBBS Oklahoma City, OK 1-405-691-0863 9600 148/120 Genetic Research Vat Toronto ON 1-416-480-0551 2400 11/700 FCAU IBM Net Toronto, ON 1-416-427-0682 9600 221/156 Waterloo CBCS PUBLIC Waterloo, ON 1-519-746-5020 9600 221/157 Waterloo CBCS Echomail Waterloo, ON Unpublished 9600 105/16 Net 105 EchoMail Hub Portland, OR 1-503-761-3003 2400 105/61 Shotgun OPUS Portland, OR 1-503-760-4521 2400 157/506 Beacon Hill OPUS Transfer, PA 1-412-962-9514 2400 362/1 The Mines of Moria Chattanooga, TN 1-615-344-9601 2400 362/501 Coconut Telegraph Chattanooga, TN 1-615-698-4858 2400 130/5 CUSSNET UTA Arlington, TX 1-817-273-3966 2400 136/200 The Chai Way II Austin, TX 1-214-358-3738 2400 124/4210 Hardwired Dallas TX 1-214-437-4075 9600 124/4214 *CHRYSALIS* Dallas TX 1-214-895-9054 2400 124/106 CHAI Way II Dallas, TX 1-214-250-3323 9600 124/110 Flying Dutchman Dallas, TX 1-214-642-3436 9600 124/117 NCC-1701 Node 1 Dallas, TX 1-214-240-8821 2400 124/4117 NCC-1701 Dallas, TX 124/14 Chrysalis Dallas, TX 1-214-985-9054 2400 124/200 Dallas Outbound Dallas, TX 1-214-437-4075 2400 124/201 Hardweird Dallas, TX 1-204-931-2987 2400 19/5 Micro Application El Paso TX 1-915-594-9738 2400 106/386 Information Center Exchan Houston TX 1-713-872-4429 2400 NAM VET Newsletter Page 56 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 106/108 Stormy Weather I Houston, TX 1-713-644-4345 9600 106/1108 Stormy Weather II Houston, TX (number & baud unavailable) 106/111 Shutterbug's OPUS Houston, TX 1-713-880-4329 2400 106/113 The Opus Network Houston, TX 1-713-780-4153 2400 106/114 The Fireside Houston, TX 1-713-496-6319 2400 106/357 TMBBS Houston, TX 1-713-497-5433 2400 106/132 Fast BBS OPUS Katy, TX 1-713-392-0093 2400 382/1 Crystal Palace Lake Travis, TX 1-512-339-8037 2400 382/14 Corona Del Mar Rockport, TX 1-512-729-7026 9600 381/201 Pro Link San Angelo, TX 1-915-944-2952 2400 387/401 Comp-U-Gen II San Antonio TX 1-512-496-9373 2400 387/601 NCOA International BBS San Antonio TX 1-512-653-0409 2400 387/800 NCOA International BBS San Antonio TX 1-800-365-6262 2400 109/604 ShanErin Alexandria, VA 1-703-941-8291 2400 109/639 The RENEX BBS Woodbridge, VA 1-703-494-8331 2400 343/111 Lessor Puget TB Edmonds, WA 1-206-742-8067 2400 343/9 Everett OPUS Everett, WA 1-206-355-1295 1200 138/4 PTC Net Mount Vernon, WA 1-206-757-5248 2400 1/217 Region 17 Echo Coord Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-5317 2400 138/101 Story Board Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-5317 9600 138/3 Region 17 ADVISOR EMERITUS Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-9232 2400 138/49 The Cohort Puyallup, WA 1-206-848-2646 9600 138/35 US HDS Human Service Seattle, WA 1-206-442-8127 2400 138/52 Burrell's Ballpark Tacoma, WA 1-206-752-4672 2400 139/640 Fox Valley Tech Appleton, WI 1-414-735-2513 2400 154/200 PC-Express Greenfield, WI 1-414-327-5300 2400 * 261/1004 The PainFrame 1-301-488-7461 UNK * 343/26 AFMINS BBS 1-206-488-4309 9600 HST * 387/801 The Commo Bunker Phone number not available. * 161/208 G.A.D.M. Multi-User Hayward, CA (415) 581-3019 NAM VET Newsletter Page 57 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 * 139/630 APPLEGATE Appleton, WI * 261/1007 FINAL FRONTIER (301) 947-4404 * 344/117 LSO QuickBBS, Everett WA (206)334-3088 9600 HST * 7:49/0 ALTERNET The Flying Dutchman, Grand Prairie, TX * 7:440/1 Lord Frog Of Swamp (715) 362-3895 * 7:43/15 NITEWING HST * Addr Unk AFIMS BBS *WILDCAT* HST PCP (206)488-4309 * 231/70 ISU BBS Terre Haute IN * 170/203 The GUNNER'S MATE * 347/2 Computers on line * 370/11 Classic City Vet's Conference, Athens, GA (404)548-0130 143/20 SeaHunt BBS, Burlington, CA (415) 343-5904 9600 Michael Nelson * 14/703 Telen-Quest BBS (417)882-5108 * 154/288 The Inner Circle * 19/43 McScott's BBS, Blytheville AR, (502)532-6212 9600 HST * 344/9 The Precedent, Everett WA (206)355-1295 * 322/230.0 Denis's OPUS!, Ayer, MA (Ft.Devens) 1-508-772-6373 Denis Marchand * 7:520/563 EEE's BBS, Clifton NJ Ed Edell NAM VET Newsletter Page 58 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= S u b s c r i b e N o w ! ================================================================= The Nam Vet Newsletter is a nonprofit publication available free of charge to anyone wishing to have a copy. It can be obtained in electronic computer format by anyone having access to a computer and modem by dialing up any of the IVVEC hosting bulletin board systems listed in this issue of the Nam Vet. It can also be mailed to you in printed format if you are willing to pay the $1.67 cost for postage and the mailing envelope. If you desire to have the Nam Vet mailed to you in printed format, please complete the subscription form below, clip it out, and mail it to: Nam Vet Newsletter Vietnam Veterans Valhalla 28 Cecil Avenue San Jose, California 95128 If you send your payment in check or money order, please make it payable to Todd Looney. NAME_____________________________________________________________ STREET ADDRESS __________________________________________________ CITY/STATE/ZIP __________________________________________________ AMOUNT ENCLOSED ($1.67 per month desired) _______________________ If this subscription is for someone else, to whom shall we credit the gift? ______________________________________ June89 NAM VET Newsletter Page 59 Volume 3, Number 6 June 10, 1989 ================================================================= H e a r t s n ' M i n d s ================================================================= W W M M W W M M M M W W \ / M M M M OOOO W W W --*-- M M M IIII O O W W W W / \ M M II O O W W W W M M II O O W W M M II O O II PPPPPP O O ..... II AA PP PP OOOO . '' '' .. IIII A A PP PP ..' '.. A A PPPPPPP ..' ''. A A PP ..' '. AAAAAA PP .' ''. A A PP .' '. A A .' .:::::.. '. .' .::::::::::. ' .' .::::::::::::::. '. .' __ .::::::::::::::::;:... '. .' _- -_ .:::::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' _-_ _ _ -_ ::::::::::::::::::::::::' '. .. _- -!!___!!!-_:::::::::::::::::::::::. .. .' ==_ _- _= .:::::::::::::::::::::::: ', . =-_= _= = :::::::::::::::::::::::: . .' =-_ =_- = ::::::::::::::::::::::: '. .' = - -_ =_:::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' -_ -_- .:::::::::::::::::::;;;. '. .' _-_ ..::::::::::::::::::::::::; '. . _ _ .:;:::::::::::::::::::::;, . ' _ .:::::::::::::::::::::::::. '. Y .'.....::::::::::::::::::::::::::;' '. N ::::::::::::::::::::::::' `''' ': O `::::::::::::::::::::::: \v/ \ / :'E `:::::::::::::::::::::: =========================== :' U `:::::::::::::::::::::. /^\ \ :'T `:::::::::::::::::::: .: A `:::::::::::::::::: .:'T `::::::::::::::::::. .;' R `:::::::::::::::::. .;' T `::::::::::::::::. .;' E `:::::::::gjp::: .:' O `:::::::::::::...........'' G N O T F O R " Bring them home --- NOW !!! " NAM VET Newsletter Page 60