Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 . __ . . -*- N A M V E T -*- ____/ \_ . . ( * \ . . \ Quangtri . . \_/\ \_ Hue . . \_Ashau Phu Bai . . S P E C I A L E D I T I O N \_* \_ . . \ * ) . . for all veterans _/ Danang . . \|/ ( \_*Chu Lai . . --*-- \_ ------- \__ . . /|\ \_ I Corps \ . . Managing Editor \ ------- ! . . --------------- /\_____ ! . . G. Joseph Peck / ! \ . . ! !___ \ . . ! \/\____! . . ! ! . . Distribution Manager / Dak To ! . . ------------ / * / . . Jerry Hindle ! \_ . . ! Phu Cat\ . . \ * * ) . . \ Pleiku ) . . -**- N A M V E T -**- \ \ . . / / . . "In the jungles of 'Nam, some of us ( -------- ! . . were scared and wary, but we pulled _\ II Corps ! . . one another along and were able / -------- \ . . to depend on each other. That has \ \ . . never changed. Today, free of the ! * / . . criticisms and misunderstandings _/ Nhatrang / . . many veterans have endured, _/ / . . NAM VET is a shining beacon, __/ ! . . a ray of hope, and a _ __/ \ ! . . reminder that the _____( )/ ! Camranh Bay . . lessons learned / !__ ! . . at such a high / \ / . . price shall not \ Bien Hoa \ / . . be forgotten - ! Chu Chi * \ __/ . . nor the errors \_ * --------- \ ___/ . . repeated!!!" ____ \ III Corps \ _/ . . / \_____) )_(_ --------- !__/ Duplication in . . ! ( ___/ any form permitted . . _____! \__ * ___/ for NONCOMMERCIAL . . ! Saigon/ purposes ONLY! . . \___ -------- / \/ . . \ IV Corps / For other use, contact: . . ) -------- / . . / ! G. Joseph Peck (413) 442-1660 . . / ____/ Managing Editor . . / Mekong/ . . ! Delta/ This SPECIAL EDITION of NamVet contains . . ! ____/ past editorials by G. Joseph Peck . . ! / written for and about the continuing saga . . ! / of our many NamVet brothers and sisters who . . ! __/ are still "standing in the shadows"! . . \_/ gjp . . . NamVet Special Edition Page i Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 ================================================================= T A B L E O F C O N T E N T S 1. Editorials Thank You ............................................... 1 Two Walls ............................................... 3 Hands Across Time ....................................... 6 VETLink #1 - The Reasons ................................ 7 2. Remember Them!!! Incoming ................................................ 9 Standin' in the Shadows ................................. 11 A visit or note once in awhile? ......................... 13 And Fuller Slept ........................................ 14 March Fourth ............................................ 16 Family Ties ............................................. 18 Homeless ................................................ 20 Break out the Clearasil ! ........................... 23 Can I still salute, Sir? ................................ 24 Clipper ................................................. 26 Bert is back! ........................................... 28 Bring them home - NOW!!! ................................ 32 Think about it... ....................................... 33 In Summation... ......................................... 36 A good soldier never looks back ......................... 38 Hidden Cages ............................................ 40 The Electronic Chapel ................................... 42 A New Year .............................................. 43 It's only for a little while... ......................... 44 Fairness, Decency and Honor ............................. 46 Don't Know Where I'm Going... ........................... 48 Finally Here!!! ......................................... 52 A Certain Magic ......................................... 53 What Can I Teach My Children? ........................... 55 Energy? ................................................. 58 It's All Comin' Together Now!!! ......................... 60 Toy Soldier ............................................. 62 Clouds, Rainbows... and Prisms .......................... 68 She Flies Ever High!!! .................................. 71 Holiday Happenings ...................................... 72 Product Of My Yesterdays ................................ 75 Do the best ya can with what ya got! .................... 79 Trail Through The Boonies ............................... 81 Conflict And Growth!!! .................................. 84 Time .................................................... 86 TDY: Faith n' Footprints ................................ 89 Down for the count? ..................................... 91 Another Frontier??? ..................................... 93 The Wheel Goes Around... ................................ 96 An Electronic Vet Center Becomes A Reality .............. 98 Sign it in blood! WE DID! .............................. 101 They haven't forgotten US!!! ............................ 104 Talk about goin' into a tailspin!!! ..................... 105 This is NOT "de ja vu"! ................................. 107 Vested Interest ......................................... 109 Without a miracle ....................................... 111 Some Gave All... ........................................ 115 NamVet Special Edition Page ii Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 ================================================================= Editorials ================================================================= Thank You By G. Joseph Peck NamVet's Managing Editor VETLink #1 - Pittsfield, MA (413) 443-6313 I've been watching the news quite a bit lately. Like many of you, I've been often overwhelmed by kaliedoscopic emotions that would keep a psychiatrist or social worker busy for two or three lifetimes . On the one hand, I'm super-thrilled that the horror of war was over so quickly and losses appeared so few. My brother, niece and a nephew were all over there and will be returning in the very near future. I'm also deeply grateful for the strong, capable handling of the entire Kuwait/Iraq matter by Generals Schwarzkopf and Powell and, of course, our Commander-in-Chief, President Bush. And, too, I am well-pleased at President Bush's constant reminders that it is TIME to say "Well Done" to the Vietnam veterans of our nation. On the other hand, I'm a little saddened that the struggles of so many of our brother and sister Vietnam veterans, unless they're successfully resolved, could appear as Don Quixote fighting one of his proverbial windmill monsters. I'm a little saddened, too, when I remember the widows of Vietnam veterans (and their children) I have met along my life's way; when I recall the many late-night calls to VETLink #1 by lonely, lost veterans searching for missing friends and service members; when I hear that a veteran we're trying to help find employment has just received a letter from "the bureaucracy" instructing the veteran, in effect, to "start all over again... explaining in detail the problems..."; and I quickly realize that, no matter HOW BIG the celebration, no matter HOW LOUD the happy noise, unless something tangible and REAL is done for ALL veterans, little, if anything, will change. When in strange circumstances, the human organism almost always resorts FIRST to familiar, known ways of handling things. Basically, that's what I've been trying to do as I've watched the many messages come across the Vietnam_Vets echo and viewed the varied reactions to the culmination of 40 days and nights of "softening up" and 100 hours of actual battle. I've tried HARD to listen well, folks... And "listening" I happened to hear that lil' fishin' buddy of mine from a few years ago (He's 16-goin' on 40 now ): "Ya know, Dad... I think the editorials you've written for NamVet are good and each one that you've shared with me has shown me another part of WHO the Vietnam veteran really is. Maybe you should put them all together in a single book for ALL veterans to read." Last night I took the time to look over all the editorials. I shed a few tears remembering... and got a real good sense of what we've been trying to say with our NamVet. NamVet Special Edition Page 1 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Little fishin' buddy was right: Each editorial does, in its own way, show a different part of our Vietnam veterans. And somehow, the "thinking" gets a little clearer ... Dedicated to my lil' fishin' buddy, George Andrew Peck - I humbly share with each of you the collection of all my NamVet editorials. I hope that YOU can feel what "I" felt as I wrote each one - felt about the past, the present, and the future of all veterans, their spouses and children; hope that YOU will remember that OUR battle will not end as long as our brothers and sisters continue to go homeless; continue to experience frustration as they seek medical attention - and as long as our MIA/POWs remaing missing and unaccounted for. I sincerely hope so... 'til next time Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 2 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Two Walls NamVet Annual 2-1 November 11, 1989 I heard them talk about putting their duffle bags in a little building by the 'Nam airbase. "Yeah," said one Marine, "Ours stayed in there for 13 months! For you Army and other guys, it was only 12 months before you were picking them up and riding your Freedom Bird home!" Esprit de Corps... loyalty to YOUR branch of service... still strong 15 - 20 years after civilian clothes became, again, the uniform of the day. Outside, puffy white clouds drifted across a full moon as the bus carrying me and members of Pittsfield, MA's Vietnam Veterans of America Chapter 65 rolled towards Washington, D.C. and, for me, another face-to-Wall confrontation with "the guilty's". "You didn't serve in 'Nam; you don't know what it feels like to know there's incoming, or someone shooting at you from the bush, or hoping you'll get caught in one of their booby-traps! You've got NO business in the 'Nam church with these guys; Nothing you've experienced will EVER compare with what they've gone through. What are you tagging along for?" Coins clink; an overhead light is turned off; the bathroom door on the bus is opened and closed again. I thought about the time I went in `82 when we dedicated the Memorial. Same feelings. And same ones again when my wife and I went for the Three Soldiers addition in '84. Now its 1989. If "the guilty's" have changed, they've changed for the worse. I remember my kids at home, staying up until the very last moment so they could say good-bye, savoring every second before I left on this trip. So much like so many years ago... There it is. Black granite rising out of the dew- covered,early-morning earth. Names... names... and I didn't get to go. I wanted to - but a jeep accident ended MY military career. Names... Names... Did I know any of 'em? Do I know who any of them were? What honor can I do their loss? Suddenly, time stops - reverses itself. It's 1963 again. There's my buddy Paul! "Joe, you'll want to make the service your career. Look what its done for me! C'mon... remember JFK's words `Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You - Ask What YOU Can Do For Your Country!' Follow me, buddy - I'm leading the way!" Tears; can't catch my breath; can't talk - only sob. There's Paul's name. William P. Townsend, Jr. Like brothers, we'd camped and hiked and grew up together ... and I tried to follow him. Now I can't go past that part of The Wall without a flood of emotions - and even MORE of "the guilty's". The power of The Wall is in its somber silence... On to Arlington and rows upon rows of crisp-white crosses rising uniform to greet the afternoon sun. The same silent power I felt at The Wall is present at the gravesite of John F. Kennedy. Silence... memories... To the Iwo Jima statue where one of the dyed-in-the-wool Army-types, at least temporarily, NamVet Special Edition Page 3 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 joined the Marines. Quick ride through the city and we were on our way back. Pittsfield, MA at 1215 on Sunday morning found me still silent, still muffled, still tormented by "the guilty's." Monday morning. Early. The rain clouds blew away just before dawn. When the sun rose, its light made everything seem new. Opened car windows let in the fragrance of freshly cut grass and a forest-like odor curiously reminiscent of a time long ago and far away quickly filled my nostrils. Something stirred, began to gnaw at me. A restless, searching, familiar sensation awoke. I turned the car towards my old home town. The still-wet roads looked newly paved and residents of the sleepy little village were just brewing their coffee when I arrived and parked next to the unopened Post Office. Restless still, I began to walk - to retrace footsteps of many years ago. Familiar sights... the old hardware store next door to where we first lived when we moved into town; the new general store that replaced the one that burned a couple of years ago; memories of happy peals of laughter from my now-20-year-old Active Duty Army son as he frolicked and played with the little blonde girl from next door. A mile down the road and I was at the now-empty converted farmhouse where we'd last lived. The three-story treehouse the little blonde girl with sparkling blue eyes and my son built had stood the test of time. "Just a visit, I suppose," I mumbled to myself, "Guess I'd better get back home." Still restless and feeling like my search hadn't yet ended, I took the backroad way home. Past the horse farm. Past the widow's house. Past the Retired Colonel's ranch. Up to the egg farm and turned again towards the main road. The old church at the junction had been new-painted white. Stopping in the driveway, I remembered the owner of the hardware store. He was my friend - one of those special people with a unique ability to make ANYTHING work with just baling wire and masking tape. He'd died fighting an out-of-control grass fire near his home. He was buried in the cemetery behind the church. "Gotta pay my respects to my local friends, too" I told myself, and drove up the dirt road that led to the cemetery. The sweet smell of flowers and damp forest growth filled the air. The morning sun was bright and the air was yet crisp. The view from the hill was breathtaking. I walked towards my friend's grave... and stopped in shock and disbelief when I read the name on the headstone next to his. My friend's granddaughter - the sparkling blue-eyed, blonde-haired girl that used to play with my children and frolic and build treehouses and squeal with laughter! Didn't even reach her 17th birthday! I could feel "the guilty's" starting to come again. Visions of The Wall, of Paul, of the little blonde girl's flower-carved tombstone all begin to blur... and suddenly they all blended into one harmonious, peaceful realization. NamVet Special Edition Page 4 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Through the sadness and tears, I thought about the little blonde girl and her life. Not ONCE did she know the fear of having her village attacked; not ONCE did she have to fear that her freedom would be taken from her, or that she couldn't chose to do what she wished with her life. NOT ONCE!!! And 'WHY NOT?' It was BECAUSE of the prices paid by the 2.3-million like those on the bus and here in the IVVEC who'd served in 'Nam; BECAUSE of prices paid by the 8.7-million like myself who had service in other places; and BECAUSE of prices being paid even now by people like my son, that the freedom we all hold so dear has continued to exist! I remember the speech (Don't think I'll EVER forget it). Many of you do, too. "...ask what YOU can do for your country." For the little blonde girl, and many like her - we DID for our country -and its future! We ALL have a right to be proud! Two Walls... one with names and memories and pain; the other with a flower and memories and pain. "The Guilty's?" All I have to do is remind them of the other Wall and the little blonde girl, spend some time with my own and other children, think of THEIR future - and "the guilty's" vanish in the knowledge that I, too, am a part of what has helped keep America great! And though I really don't know what it's like to hear incoming or know that someone is wishing to see ME dead, I DO know what it's like to stand at the ready and be prepared to serve at a moments notice; I DO know what its like to vigorously train and train and train some more to be one of America's finest! And I DO know what it's like to be part of the greatest team on earth! Two Walls... one shows the PRICE; the other, the PRIZE! Anniversary Issue Note: I visited the parents of the little blonde girl shortly after I wrote this. Unfortunately for them, my visit was during the week of the girl's birthday. I later forwarded a copy of this editorial to them and let them know that the little girl was sorely missed. I just received a very nice letter from the parents thanking all of US for remembering her! Included with the letter was a picture of the little blonde girl on her 16th birthday! I know I'll treasure that for a long time to come! 'til next month Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 5 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 . . . For Information on our Saudi Soldiers: . . . . ARMY: 1-703-614-0730 . . 1-800-626-1440 . . 1-800-642-9254 . . NAVY: 1-800-732-1206 . . 1-800-255-3808 . . 1-202-746-5915 . . MARINES: 1-800-523-2694 . . AIR FORCE: 1-800-253-9276 . . COAST GUARD: 1-800-283-8724 . . . . Support Groups: . . National Guard Families: 1-800-356-2794 . . Army Reserve Units: 1-800-874-8451 . . . . . . xxxxx XXXXxxxxx, . . xx''xxxxxxX XX xX XXx . .xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXX x xX' x'' XXXx . . x x xX xXX Xx . . 'x' X XXxx . . xxx X. . xX . . xX . . VIETNAM x x x xX . . VETERANS x xX X x X IRAQ . . X X X X x < VETERANS . . X X X X X Xx . . xxxxxxxxxX X X X x Xxx . . XXX'' /__X__ XX__X___xXX xXxxxxx . . xXXX 'Xxxxx xX Xxx . .XX WE SUPPORT YOU XxxxxxxxxxxxX X. .X BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN SERVICE . . . . . . "We are with you . . Wherever you may be . . We are sailing . . With you on every sea . . We are standing . . With you on desert sand . . We're your country . . Together we stand!" . . . . . . The Staff of NamVet . . . . and participants in . . . . The International Vietnam Veterans EchoConference . . . NamVet Special Edition Page 6 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 VETLink #1: The reasons NamVet 1-11 11 Nov 1987 Have you ever arrived at a city, county or federal office just after everyone had gone home? Was the reason for your trip to get that last little bit of important information so you could finish filing your VA claim or a search for answers to questions about veterans' benefits? Maybe it was just to stop by and rap with some of your veteran counterparts. As many of us have learned by now, questions we have concerning veterans' benefits and entitlements, educational opportunities or an upcoming veteran event, occur to us about one minute after the office holding the information we need closes. An unanswered telephone tells us its going to be another tough night with memories of yesterday. Up until a few years ago, having a personal computer for home use was out of reach of all but those in high income brackets. Today, as their prices have decreased, computers are found in an ever- growing number of households. Used with a telecommunications modem and connected to a computer bulletin board service (CBBS), the computer can send an electronic letter to a friend, access vast amounts of stored data, and be the medium through which you can make new acquaintances. It has become a LINK between citizens and modern-day technology. After nearly three-and-a-half years of local field work and over 22 years of firing-line experience with a disapproving, somewhat antagonistic and disbelieving bureaucracy, VETLink #1 - a computer BBS dedicated and committed to veterans' and the issues that concern them - became a reality. Initially, VETLink #1 began CBBS operations on a Commodore 64. 2-1/2 weeks, a new PC, and the untiring non-stop technological help of local community sysops later, VETLink #1 was granted a Net/Node number. Today it operates on a 10 MHz Leading Edge with a 30-meg HD. Among its' many message and file areas, VETLink #1 has sections devoted to PTSD, AGENT ORANGE, GOVERNMENT BENEFITS, EMPLOYMENT (where the motto is: From "Search and Destroy" to "Found and Employed"), HELP-A-VET and VETFind, to name only a few. I know a little about these things: I'm a Vietnam vet, allegedly mis-diagnosed as having psychiatric difficulties after a life- threatening jeep accident while on active duty rendered me comatose for awhile and resulted in my honorable discharge; a Vietnam vet who endured the effects a negative "label" can have upon one - in areas such as employment, education, interpersonal relationships; a Vietnam vet who has married for the second time; a Vietnam vet who has engaged the Veterans Administration, the Small Business Administration, the Banking Industry, and various public officials in exacting battles for justice 'til the diagnosis-after-the-accident was finally corrected, 'til a small business was financed, 'til a home was purchased, 'til a Vet Center was a reality in Pittsfield, MA. I'm also a Vietnam vet who has worked for the Veterans Administration, has been the Veterans' Affairs Assistant at our local community college, a managing editor for a couple of veteran-oriented newsletters, a charter member of two Vietnam Veterans of America chapters - of a NamVet Special Edition Page 7 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 state wide Vietnam Veterans organization, a Service Officer for two veterans' organizations, and who is a Past Commander of the Pittsfield, MA Chapter of Disabled American Veterans and completing my final year of training for a degree in Sociology. I'm also the Vietnam vet who's sysop of VETLink #1. VETLink #1 is dedicated and committed to providing YOU, the veteran, with answers to those questions you might be asking, with information that may be helpful to you or your dependents, to putting UNITY in our veterans commUNITY, to LINKing VETerans with needed services and sometimes long-overdue opportunities. VETLink #1 - open 24 hours a day - is humbled and honored to have a place in this, our first, electronic newsletter dedicated and committed to the Vietnam veteran. We look forward to hearing from each of you. 'til next month Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 8 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 ================================================================= Remember Them!!! ================================================================= Incoming NamVet 1-12 5 Dec 1987 Greetings of this holiday season to you and yours. Well, it seems like only YESTERDAY Todd and I were busily putting the finishing touches on your premier edition of NAM VET before it was released to each of you in the computing community. Now its time to do it again. For many of us, it seems like only YESTERDAY when the golden sun dipped below the western horizon, hills and valleys were bathed in colours of grey and soft heavenly blue... and shots rang from a nearby rice paddy. Red mud and mosquito's caught in a spider's web still remind us of when we flung ourselves headlong into the nearest crater to shield ourselves from incoming. For many others of us, there is a different kind of incoming that this holiday time of the year brings. The nights seem extra-long and for those of us who let it happen, the quiet silence is broken periodically by a falling tear for our lost friends, family members or other loved ones, and we do all we can to hold back the sobs. Unfortunately, there isn't any shield against this kind of incoming. I know. I know, too, about many of our nation's homeless veterans. Some sleep in alley ways. Others, more fortunate (?), have pitched a tent on some remote island and come into town once a month for supplies. I wonder if they'd accept you or I as one of their friends. I wonder if they'd trust us enough to accept an invitation to Christmas or Hanukkah dinner, family celebrations. I wonder if they'd trust themselves enough to begin another human relationship - this time WITHOUT the fear that the stupid f**ker would get himself or you killed. I wonder... And I know, too, about many of our nation's incarcerated Vietnam veterans. Darkness descends early on them. No place to hide from incoming there. Not many people to talk to who try to understand. I can't forget our under- and unemployed veterans or their families, either. After proud and distinctive service to this great nation of ours, how they must feel when THEIR incoming reveals that the tree will be bare again this year and loved ones will think they don't care. How they must feel! And as naked trees stand silent, vigilant guard over the northeast part of America, I'm reminded of the widow and her children who watched as Agent Orange sucked out the life of their Vietnam veteran. Neither the Veterans Administration, with its refusal to provide help while he was dying, or the chemical companies, who continue to deny responsibility, offer any help raising the now- orphaned children. Incoming... And Gold Star mothers and fathers and sweaters in the attic that somehow get hugged every holiday season... Incoming... NamVet Special Edition Page 9 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Outbound from Firebase Valhalla will be NAM VET and the loving, caring, sharing spirit that brings it to each of you. According to very reliable sources, NAM VET has already found its way into a few veterans' hospitals and homes. Children have downloaded it as a gift for their fathers. Wives have downloaded it so they can share some of the things their husband won't tell them. Women veterans, especially of the Vietnam war, have downloaded it 'cause its part of them. YOU have downloaded it 'cause it's part of you - a fragment of YOUR place in America's history. NAM VET will continue to grow as long as YOU help it replace the memories of "SEARCH AND DESTROY" with, instead, "FOUND AND ENJOY" - FOUND those who served, those who share, ENJOY their company. My wife, Georgia, and I; my children: Michael, David, Kymberli, George, Rosa and their dog, three cats, turtle and a rabbit extend our sincerest wishes that all the blessings, happiness and peace of this holiday season will be yours. 'Til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 10 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Standin' in the Shadows NamVet 2-1 4 Jan 1988 It's been a little over 11 years now. He's been seen from time to time in the veterans' "watering holes" throughout town. He'll discuss battles and 'crawlin' through the bush' and defendin' his country. He'll tell you about hooches and boonies, C4 and napalm. He'll talk about the "good" times and buddies and Mama San's. When you express an interest in him, though, when you want to find out "where he's really comin' from" or talk about wartime officers, leadership or politicians, a bitter, angry grimace brands his face and he menacingly glares at everyone in sight - challenging, daring, provoking. The remainder of the evening is spent in tense, raging silence. For two days afterwards, he'll talk to no one. You know him. He's standing in the shadows just about everywhere you go. You watch as he completes an application for employment and skips over the part that asks: "Are you a veteran?" You listen as he bitterly complains about South Vietnamese refugees who are successful in America while American ex-soldiers are homeless, incarcerated, or require aid of Social Service agencies because they just can't make it. You wish you could spit out the acrid taste that permeates your mouth as he describes the smell and feel of 'Nam. He's part of you - and part of me, too. We've seen him in the jails and prisons, in the workplaces and in the playplaces - doing whatever it was that he was doing so intently that there was little time left to look up, to feel - and remember. We've heard his voice as one of his ex-wife's told how she learned not to wake him from a nap or how he never wanted to talk about his military service. Or his children told of how he "he always played that funny-sounding music that he brought from the war..." We've felt his anger and sense of shame and betrayal as his father told of his dishonorable discharge " 'cause he wouldn't shine his boots - or didn't carry out orders to senselessly torch another village - or 'cause he sandbagged a night patrol - or ..." We might even feel he's right - even though we chastise him a bit for his apparent loss of internal resolution - when he says that our America, who once said "Ask not what you can do for your country..." has made him an orphan amongst the veteran population, a real honest to goodness, ne'er-do-well 'cause society was punishing HIM for not winning a conflict he was not allowed to; that even the VA has tried to ignore and punish in refusing to honor its solemn pledge "To care for him who shall have borne the battle" - in denial of Agent Orange claims, in denial of Service Connection claims, in its' deafness to the needs of Vietnam veterans until the veterans' collective effort improved the Administrations' hearing. Well... here it is - 1988. Years of perplexing and sensitive effort are both behind and ahead of us. Through NAM VET we've opened another avenue of service to veterans everywhere; created, in a sense, our own history book - and daily write more into it. Copies of NAM VET are now being delivered to Veterans NamVet Special Edition Page 11 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Administration hospitals and Old Soldiers' homes, to incarcerated veterans and City Hall's, to State Educational facilities and veteran organizations. Politicians, members of the news media, and publishing companies are now beginning to take notice of the aggregate efforts of America's most unique veteran population. If you, too, know the veteran who feels that "up the elevator of America's future he or she has been shafted" - give 'em a copy of NAM VET. Maybe you could even show them how to use your computer and they can rejoin the brothers and sisters who they thought had abandoned them. We can be proud - we've all done a fine job. And we've only begun! 'Til next month Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 12 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX \ \ \ \ \XXXX XXXXX XXXXX.::::::::::::::.XXXXX INCARCERATED XXXX XXXXX XXXXX --------- XXXXX \ \ \ \ \ \ \XXXX XXXXX .XXXXX W W I I XXXXX. VETERANS \ \XXXX XXXXX ::XXXXX --------- XXXXX::. \ \ \ \ XXXX XXXXX :::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::. XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX K O R E A XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX V I E T N A M XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX ------------- XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::::::::::::::::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::::::::::::::::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX::' `::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX:: ::XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX `..........''`XXXXX:::: XXXX XXXXX ::::XXXXX .:(O) . (O):. XXXXX:::' XXXX XXXXX ::' XXXXX .. XXXXX:: XXXX XXXXX .:' XXXXX . .. XXXXX: XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX . .. ` XXXXX XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX ' '.. ` XXXXX. XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX" ' ` XXXXX . XXXX XXXXX ``. XXXXX ' . . . ` XXXXX '. ........., XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX'' ..''.'''. XXXXX .' '.XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX" ':.:'' XXXXX .'' .:::'XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX:.. .:XXXXX.'' .::::' .XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX '.. ..:' XXXXX ..:' . .:::'XXXX XXXXX ....::'XXXXX ':::::;' XXXXX .:''. .:::' XXXX XXXXX .:::::' XXXXX .: XXXXX :'. ..:... XXXX XXXXX.::' :: XXXXX: PREPARED TO XXXXX .'' ''.. XXXX XXXXX::' :: XXXXX`: FIGHT XXXXX.' '.XXXX XXXXX' :: XXXXX ``. XXXXX XXXX XXXXX '' XXXXX PREPARED TO XXXXX XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX DIE ...'XXXXX XXXX XXXXX :: XXXXX `...' XXXXX XXXX XXXXX `..' XXXXX .' XXXXX XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX /\ .' .' XXXX XXXXX /\ \ . . XXXX XXXXX / \ \...' `. .' XXXX XXXXX / NOT PREPARED TO BE DESERTED XXXX XXXXX / .'.' . .`.' XXXX XXXXX / ~ | : : : . XXXX XXXXX / |`. : : . .__________ XXXX XXXXX / ~ ~ ||.` ` : || \ / XXXX XXXXX / WRITE OR VISIT AN INCARCERATED VETERAN SOON ! XXXX XXXXX / ~ || . .'. / / XXXX XXXXX/ ~ ~ ~|| ||/ / XXXX XXXXX ~ ~ ~ || || / XXXX XXXXX || || / XXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX \_________XXXXX________|| XgjpX XXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXXX XXXX NamVet Special Edition Page 13 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 And Fuller Slept NamVet 2-2 6 Feb 1988 Fuller remembered climbing the mountain... He remembered the steps that he took and the thoughts that raced through his mind as he climbed... "... TET... Ambush... C4... Claymores... Only survivor..." He remembered the little trickles of red as the underbrush cut and angrily tore away at his skin... Still he climbed... he wanted to know... he wanted answers... He remembered frightening the woodland animals as he climbed higher and higher, seeing them dart about in frenzied panic as the breaking of twigs and small branches - a direct violation of previous training - disturbed their peace and serenity, heralded his presence... Still he climbed... he wanted to know... he wanted answers... When he reached the summit, he began to angrily shout, the turbulence of his voice challenging the ethers; mocking his Creator. "WHY ME???," he bellowed, "Why not someone else who's more physically or mentally stronger or more financially able to deal with these things. Why not someone else who can stand to lose, someone else who didn't have friends like I had. WHY ME!?!" Reverberating from the mountainside, rippling the waters of quiet streams and ponds, rendering him speechless, came like a voice, seemingly from nowhere, piercing the middle of his brain: "WHY NOT!!! It is YOU who have seen the problems; it must be YOU who solves them. It will be your children, your brothers and sisters, and all Children of Tomorrow who bear the consequences of your actions TODAY. Ignore the situation; find something else to do rather than deal with it, and it will persist - perhaps for generations yet to come. Mama san, baby san, Bac Si and bro' - you came back with the best wishes of THEIR lives. You have an obligation now to share that with others, to make this world a better place for those who will follow you. No finer person could have been chosen to do what you have to do, to give MEANING to all the battles. You asked WHY ME!?! And 'I' say: INDEED!!! Why not!!!" And Fuller slept... soundly... the first time since he had returned from that little country where he had grown so old so quick. VIETNAM VETERANS... the proudest, most persistent and determined veterans in ALL of American History! NamVet Special Edition Page 14 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 'til next month Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care NamVet Special Edition Page 15 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 March Forth! er'... March Fourth! NamVet 2-3 4 Mar 1988 Yeah! March 4th - the ONLY day of the year that's a command to go forward. I'm really pleased to be writing this editorial on such a positive day - for you, IVVEC, IWVEC and NAM VET. "Make no little plans. For there is no magic in them to stir men's souls." Plans? Little plans? Magic? How could these things relate to YOU, IVVEC, IWVEC and NAM VET? Why should they be discussed in a monthly editorial that is intended to reflect the pulsebeat of yesterday tempered with the wisdom and experience of passing years? Why? Have you ever seen the transformation that takes place as a brother or sister Vietnam veteran, cautiously standing in the shadows, first puts one untrusting foot into the light - and then another ... and another and another and another as they discover that there exists trust and love and kindness and caring and sharing and acceptance that can always be counted on? Have you watched as they ran off into their future KNOWING that somebody gave a da*n? Have you seen the light in the handicapped/housebound Vietnam veterans' eyes when they discovered IVVEC, IWVEC, and either download or have given to them a copy of NAM VET? Have you felt their happiness as the cold and sterile, unfeeling, uncaring boundaries of their existence suddenly faded away - to be replaced with the lively conversations in IVVEC/IWVEC and the articles in NAM VET? Have you shared their delight as wheelchairs, walkers, canes and crutches vanished? Have you shared the tears of gratefulness shed by the widow of a Vietnam veteran exposed to Agent Orange - and her children - as a FRIEND finally stepped out of the shadows him/herself, embraced the difficulties, said: "Let's do it!" ... and helped? Have you seen the secure, peaceful sleep of the children at night when they finally knew somebody really cared? If you're one of our readers who says that you HAVEN'T seen anything like some of the bright spots just mentioned, all I can say is that you're not looking or listening hard enough! The voice of the Vietnam veteran spirit *I've* heard continuously shouts: "We're here. We're part of the nearly 10 million who served during Vietnam. We're women. We're men. We're the children of the Vietnam veteran. We're the widows and widowers of Vietnam veterans. We're handicapped. We WANT to trust - but our pasts have shown us many a Judas. We self-medicate. We work hard - keep our noses to the grindstone so we won't have to look up and come face-to-face with who we really think we are. As brave as some of us were in service, consciously or unconsciously, we now experience fear. We're incarcerated - some of us still quietly carrying the burden of Vietnam, still not mentioning to anyone that we've served. We're all around you." And if you HAVE heard or experienced some of what we've just mentioned... all I can say is: NamVet Special Edition Page 16 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 "Make no little plans. For there is no magic in them to stir men's souls." In NAM VET, the IVVEC and IWVEC, there is the magic of friendship and caring, understanding and sharing, that helps the biggest of plans all come together... 'til next month Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 17 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Family Ties NamVet 2-4 2 Apr 1988 Gently, so as not to make too much noise, she approaches the black granite that rises, behemoth-like, from the grassy Washington Mall. She feels better coming alone and at night. On her left, appearing as if it would speak at any moment, is the Lincoln Memorial; light seeming to come from nowhere makes it as though a beacon in the darkness. To her right, towering high, is the Washington Monument. She can hear the precise steps of the military honor guard as it performs its vigilant duty at The Wall. A National Park Service attendant, small light shining on the Directory of Names, stands somber watch. "Wilbee Simmons, Sir? Could you tell me where I'd find his name listed?" The Park Attendant directs her to the west panels. Slowly, fearfully, yet mustering every bit of her strength, Teri looks carefully for the name of her husband. There's something about the way the Washington lights reflect from The Wall that remind her of the song Wilbee dedicated to her way back when they were only in their early years of high school. Building; preparing; steeling herself for the moment that HAS to come, she quietly hums to herself their familiar tune: "Ca-atch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away... Ca-atch a.." - and then she came upon it. Hand shaking almost uncontrollably, she reaches over and begins to trace the letters... W I L . . . Eyes watering, it starts. Release. Blessed release. She hasn't cried like this since she'd received the telegram. She'd had to be strong for the kids sake. Now she can let the tears - and Wilbee - go. "Wilbee, Darling, you ARE a part of American history, a living part. Here's John's name; and Gary's; and Jim's ... all of the soldiers you wrote me about. Each of you followed your fathers and family into service - and America's defense. Your brothers and sisters who made it back took upon their shoulders the battle begun by their grandfathers after World War I helping America to always, always keep her promise to care for those who put their lives on-the-line for her. Everyone says that you and all Vietnam veterans are the toughest, most persistent and determined veterans in all American history - and they're right! It's guys like you and your friends who gave EVERYTHING, Wilbee, and those who made it back, who help continue building the America we have today, and the responsible care for America's veterans that our grandfathers fought for. I remember when they used to tell us how the veterans of World War I were put on what we today would call the welfare rolls and looked down upon - and nearly every benefit they sought was denied. The inadequate War Risk Bureau, Board of Vocational Training and Public Health Services, in addition to so much more insensitivity, denial, and corruption of the Federal Government, made them march on Washington. I know you saw your brothers and sisters do a similar thing when they all came here to sharply prod NamVet Special Edition Page 18 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 the conscience of America and this monument was dedicated. I can tell you're part of the same family - only you're tougher. I brought the poem you wrote when you went to 'Nam, Wilbee. I remember how much it meant to you. I've saved it all these years - and I'll leave it here for you when I go. I've got it memorized. It's Easter now, a time of new beginnings, a time to get on with living my life in a way that would make you proud of me, a time to take the best that you've given - and go forward. I'm glad I got the chance to come here - to visit, to remember, to use those "Falling Stars" you and I put in our pockets years ago; many rainy days I've used them. Somehow, I have a little more strength now to help me through my life. Thank you, Wilbee Simmons. Remember I'll always love you and the sacrifices you made for me and everybody." Stepping back from the polished granite, Teri softly places a card from her and the two children, a flag, some flowers, and the often-read 12-line poem on the ground in front of Wilbee Simmons name: "America" This is my country! So beautiful and Free! A Land of Freedom for you and me! Where men have fought and men have died So that we may LIVE and share their pride; That this Country of ours, so great and strong, May unite again and sing a together song! Let us be brothers and join together To make our Nation - just a little better May we learn to forgive and forget our hates And never close our shining gates ... May Liberty's torch light the world around And in ALL the nations - may Freedom's echo resound! Teri turned, began to walk away. A bright flash in the western sky quickly caught her eye. A falling star - streaking, as though an arrow, over the Lincoln Memorial. And she remembered the words Lincoln once said: "To care for him who shall have borne the battle, and for his widow, and his children." "Maybe tomorrow I'll ask the Veterans Administration if they can help. After all, my husband did give his life - and our children did give their father - so that we could all continue to live in freedom. Why didn't I think of that before?" Humming to herself another one of their old-time favorites, "That's the story of, that's the glory of... Love", Teri moves along the walkway towards the Washington city lights... 'til next month... Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 19 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 HOMELESS NamVet 2-5 7 May 1988 It sure seemed familiar. Clothes that had seen much better days; a face that badly needed a shave; shoes that should have been long ago thrown away. I checked my wallet - all personal ID had been removed from it - to see how much money I had left. $10. Not too bad. I was only going to be gone for 24 hours. At a little after 5pm, I walked into the local drug store. The clerk, a sweet young girl, smiled her brightest and went out of her way to find out for me when the next bus to Great Barrington, MA. was (about 25 miles away). The druggist eyed me suspiciously, watched my every move. I bought a small box of candy to tide me over and was soon on my way. It would be a good 45 minutes before the bus came. I walked down the street - thinking, observing, feeling how it felt NOT to have a home, NOT to know where I'd be sleeping, NOT to know where I'd be eating later that night. About three miles down the road, shadows from the roadside trees beginning to lengthen, I decided to wait at a bus stop. Walking was beginning to hurt. The wait wasn't long and soon I was aboard Berkshire's finest, only not headed to the city I wanted to go to. "Last bus out of town tonight, sir. We only go as far as Lee, MA (about 15 miles from my final destination)." Paid the man his dollar - only $9 left. No problem. Enough for a hamburger and coffee in Lee then I'd start walking to Great Barrington. It was cold out. I intentionally wore only very light clothing and carried no bedding. Weather was predicted to be in the low 30's with a little snow. Burger King looked warm and inviting, and I savored my hamburger for nearly an hour, washing it down with about 4 cups of coffee. Finally, noticing the darkening sky, I left and began the 5 mile walk to Stockbridge. "A step at a time... you can always call home collect if it gets too tough or your body gives out." Steps along the roadway. Cars coming from behind me. Soon some of the old "alert mechanisms" kick in - I carefully listen to the sound of the approaching vehicles, ready in an instant to jump into a nearby bush or take some other evasive action. I remember the time I hid amongst the rocks while a group of four searched in vain to find me. Never want to go through that again. Dogs bark in the distance. House lights come on and traffic thins out. It is getting colder. "Hup-two-free-four... Jody's got ur girl n' gone... sound off... one two sound off... three four" ... D*mn Jody anyway... Well, I finally made it to Stockbridge - home of Norman Rockwell. Town closes up at 5... everybody's gone. It's 9:30pm. Don't even hear the dogs anymore. My footsteps echo loudly. The sign by the side of the road reads: "Great Barrington 9 miles". My hips are startin' to bother me and the pain in my neck is beginning to bring tears to my eyes. I'm beginning to shiver. It is getting even colder. NamVet Special Edition Page 20 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 The little convenience store is open. I buy a cup of coffee. Beginning to shiver, I take it with me, cupping it close to capturing its warmth - hurrying towards Great Barrington. I'm counting the cars that pass me by, looking for the cherry-top that'll be the policeman. Maybe he'll stop and I'll get a ride. There's no more busses tonight. There isn't a cloud in the sky. I can see stars where I thought there were none. I take time to remember what this same kind of walk was like years ago. I can still remember the pain. I began callin' myself a fool for tryin' to be homeless. My ultra-thin jacket soon felt as though it were a frosted A&W mug and I put my hands in my pocket, as much to keep making my legs work (push the right, push the left, keep movin') as to keep them warm. It was a long, long walk. 2-miles away and I don't think I'm going to make it into the city. Can hardly move. Still countin' cars. Takin' steps that are no more than 5" in length. I'm looking for an abandoned car or an old barn on the side of the road. Not to be found. "A step at a time... left... right... push... push... 436 cars passed me and not a one of them with the bubble-gum machines on top..." 12:25 a.m. I finally get to the center of town and find an open convenience store. No bars open so's I could ask where the homeless stayed, maybe make friends with one or two. Takes me nearly 5 minutes to stop the shivering. Hands are blue. I ask the store attendant whether there's any shelters for the homeless in town. "No. Afraid I can't help you." He tells me where to find the police department. The sign in front of the bank says its 12:47; 32-degrees F, 0- degrees C. I'm barely able to make my feet move. I can't remember when I've hurt so bad. If I can only make it to the police department. Hate to admit it, but this is one disabled veteran that has failed in his stupid attempt to be homeless and now the police department will have to bring me home. Not easy "givin' yourself up to the police." Just around the corner from the police department I saw the stairway leading to the apartment over the Main Street stores. "It's gotta be warm in there. Lemme try." The first door I tried was locked. The second opened. Carefully, trying to be quiet, I climbed the stairs to the third floor. Bare wooden floors. A broken window at the end of the hall. If I could just sit down for a bit, maybe I'd be better. Once down, I don't want to get back up. The cold wind and snowflakes are blowing in through the window. A piece of board covers the window nicely and stops the snow. I half-sleep in a sitting position against the wall. I wake up every 20 minutes to see if anyone's coming out of the apartments along the hallway - Ready at a moments notice to get up and movin'. De Ja vu... At 0615 I'm back on the road again. Walk down to the local fast food franchise (another Burger King), tell the manager I'm NamVet Special Edition Page 21 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 homeless, ask him if he's got some work I can do for breakfast. "I'm really sorry," he said, "It's against the law to give you work to do to pay for your food. Minimum wage laws won't let me do it." He directs me back into town and to a local community action group. I ask about veterans' groups. None that can help. The town is awake now. 09:30. I stop at the Vet Center. Climb up the two floors and discover a sign: CLOSED. For service, please call (Pittsfield, MA) or 1-800- (Boston). Finally get help/breakfast at the community group. The lady who helped me said "If you'd have gone to the police department they would have called me and I would have made arrangements for you to stay in a motel for at least the night." After having my breakfast, and observing that I was treated with nothing but total honesty and dignity, I told her who I was and what I was doing. I paid for my breakfast - didn't want to take ANY monies away from the homeless. "How are you funded?" I asked. "Mainly through contributions from the local churches," she said. "Do any of the veterans groups nearby donate ANYTHING to you? Do they provide ANY help?" That was two weeks ago. I've regained most of the use of my legs and my neck isn't as stiff now. I know what to do if ever I'm homeless in a strange town: turn myself in to a police department and they'll help - or refer me to someone who can. I still haven't gotten over the sad feeling I got when I learned that no veteran group gives anything to help the homeless - leastways not in Great Barrington, Pittsfield, Adams, North Adams, or Dalton, Massachusetts. They're so d*mned busy runnin' their bars, sellin' their raffle tickets, yellin' at the government to start a new program that they don't see the need right under their feet. 'til next month... Show a brother or sister veteran That YOU care NamVet Special Edition Page 22 Volume 99, Number 1 March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xxx _ -. . - .-. - . . . . - XXXXXxxXXXXXXXXXXXx -. - .- . - . . XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-. .--. - .- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -.- - -.- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX -. -. -. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx .g -. -. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX .- j. .- XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX . p .-. XXXXXXXX ]XXXXXXXXX ]XXXXXXXX .- - -. XXXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX -.- - -- XXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXX -- - XXXXXXXXX X'`XXX XXXXXXX Y Y XXXXXXXXX XXXXX XXX XXXXXXX X X XXXXXXXX XXXXXXX XXX XXXXXX XXX XX X XXX XX XX XXXX XX XXX XX XX XX XXXX XXX]XXXXXXXXXXXX XXX[ XX XX XXX XXXXXXXXXX " I t ' s o n l y t e e n a g e a c n e ! " -Robert Nimmo- NamVet Special Edition Page 23 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Can I still salute, Sir? NamVet 2-6 4 Jun 1988 I came upon him just as the evening sun was casting long burnt- orange shadows over the hilltop. The wrinkled jacket he wore could hardly hide his strong, square shoulders. With weathered old hands, he grasped tightly a walking stick of sorts, and seemed to be sobbing. As I walked closer and he turned, I could see the familiar face of one I had come to know as Uncle Sam... "What's troubling you, Uncle," I said, "this is Memorial Day - a time that we mark special to remember those who fought and died to keep you the symbol of freedom. Look at all the flags in the cemeteries, hear all the parades and the fine speeches? See how proud everyone is of you? It's veterans like me who really know and appreciate what you stand for - veterans like me who still remember how to give you a snappy salute" "No," he said "It is *I* who should salute YOU - Salute you for all that you've done to give me the strength I have today. It was you who defended me - and came back to silence, to rejection and all the worst that I could give you. It was you who were misdiagnosed and mistreated by many in the military and the Veterans Administration as having pre-existing psychological difficulties and, as a result, received further injury from the misguided efforts of those who worked for me who did not understand the burdens under which you labored; it was you who had to deprogram yourself because I couldn't or wouldn't do it; and it is you, today, that sleeps in the alley ways and city streets because you have no home; and you - and your children - who now bear the pain of the aftereffects of Agent Orange. How will you ever know how much I appreciate what you've done?" "Gosh, Uncle, its good to see you learning," I said, "Learning what so many of us already have - that it sometimes takes more courage to face those things we've done and talk about them than to keep them all bottled up inside or, sometimes, even more than it did to actually do them. I see you've got the same symptoms we have - you sob a little when you realize what's been done; you seem haunted by the deeds of yesterday; you begin to understand how 26,000 - 110,000 of our veteran brothers and sisters have taken their own lives rather than live with their memories of your defense. It's a GOOD first step that you're taking by talking about it, something you've learned from the Vietnam Veteran... the strongest, toughest, most persistent and determined veteran in all of your history!" We talked all night, Uncle Sam and I - about Indians; about the Civil War; doughboys; donut dolly's; Pearl Harbor; Iwo Jima; the China-Burma-India route; the Bataan death march; Khe Sanh; Danang; Ben Hua... and so many, many other places and times - the feelings, the tears, the laughter - and before we knew it, the trouble and grief-filled night had passed. It was morning. As the eastern sun chased away the darkness, morning birds began to chirp, and the city below us came alive, Uncle Sam and I walked arm-in-arm from the shadows, excitedly planning what we would do for his next big day: July 4th - Independence Day. NamVet Special Edition Page 24 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 "Uncle Sam" and "Rip Van Winkle" - I wonder if they might have something in common? 'til next month... Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 25 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Clipper NamVet 2-7 4 Jul 1988 Twilight. Just like it was then. Clipper took aim. Breathing... Sight picture... Sight alignment... squ-e-e-z-e the trigger... This time, rather than a figure in the distance suddenly toppling over after he'd felt the kick of his rifle and its surge of raw, unleashed power, he saw the rusty beer can - 300 yards away - suddenly become shards of metal reflecting the dying sunlight. 3 tours in 'Nam; 13 years; 47 jobs; 2 wives, and 4 kids ago, he was that young soldier eagerly looking forward to sharing his experiences with his dad and all the other veterans at his hometown veterans' club. He could still feel the anticipated pride as he'd imagined the red, white, and blue of Old Glory waving in the breeze in his own front yard. In his worst nightmares, he'd never dreamt of what awaited him when he got off the plane. "Yeah, a long time ago," he mused, "A long time ago I thought I was doing something important, something that this country would be grateful for. I never thought I'd have all that trouble first GETTING a job then KEEPING it... never thought I'd react the way I did to what people said to me, called me. Sarah couldn't live with me any more. Terrified her when I'd have my nightmares. Kids were scared to death of me. The VA even labelled me "Paranoid- Schizophrenic" - medicated the hell out of me. Thought for sure I WAS crazy *until* I met others like me at the Vet Center who were goin' through the same kind of hell. Painful steps - but I made it back. PTSD. Another wife; more kids; a better future. Makin' enough now to pay the rent, buy some food. So what if my father got his college education paid for with a living allowance, a house with no down and payments he could afford, and employers that ADVERTISED for veterans. Don't mean nuthin' - I had to start ALL over again... like I was nobody." Gritting his teeth, he took deadly, accurate aim at the fast- moving chipmunk - a tiny speck running up the side of a distant tree. "B-r-e-a-t-h-i-n-g... Sight picture... Sight alignment... s-q-u-e-e-z-e the trigger..." Only a wet spot remained on the tree trunk... He'd earned his name again. "Since Julie came by my side," he grinned, "Things have gotten better. Kids aren't as afraid of me, we go hunting and fishing, and I see LIFE ahead of me - instead of all the death behind me. Sure, I know everything seemed to be working together to isolate me, cause me to withdraw further and further into myself. By denying me opportunities and keeping me away from them, they were making me old long before my time." Picking up the spent rounds, habitually policing his area for any traces that he'd been there, Clipper, 38 years old and Director of the Town's Homeless Veterans' Shelter, readied himself for his return trip and the press conference where, in behalf of his brother/sister Vietnam veterans, living and gone to that great Firebase-in-the-sky, he'd receive a 3-million-dollar donation from NamVet Special Edition Page 26 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 some actress for the States' Homeless and Underemployed veterans. "What goes around comes around, d*mnit! Won't take one name off of that black wall in Washington, DC. Don't mean nuthin'. Breathin'... sight picture... sight alignment... squ-e-e-z-e the trigger... when the lady says she's sorry, she gotta remember there's a lot more veterans in a lot more cities that been hurt by what she's done..." Till next month... Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care. NamVet Special Edition Page 27 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Bert is back! NamVet 2-08 8 Aug 1988 Remember some months back (Jan 88) when I wrote about "Bert" - the 35-inch-plus smallmouth bass that lurked in the pond by century- old farmhouse in which I used to live? I've had very recent occasion to see him again... Well, my world felt like it was crashing in. I had recently graduated from our local state college - but there came a problem with granting my basic math credits, even though I've been certified as an electronics instructor, a Master Technician, and about the whole gamut of anything electronic. My request for credit came back denied. According to the college administration, the "math" that I used in electronics was actually physics and electronics and had nothing to do with the concepts of mathematics . I quickly learned of another crack a disabled veteran can fall through: The VA allows a subsistence stipend for the time in which a veteran attends school. Upon completion of a Vocational Rehabilitation program (which I just did) there should be a two- month payment as help while the veteran acquires employment. To receive the two-months payment, the veteran must submit his/her diploma. The holdup in my basic math credits meant my diploma would not quickly be forthcoming and that I would not receive the monthly allowance the VA had paid me for the past five years. A quick trip to the unemployment department disclosed that I couldn't even obtain Unemployment Insurance. "You haven't been working - you've been going to school. There's no money to your credit. We'd really suggest you go to the welfare department..." Me... a Vietnam veteran, at 43 years of age, finally received his BA in Sociology - and just got told to go to the welfare department to care for my family. Sugar!!! The noose grew a little tighter. Borrowed money kept the utilities on; words of explanation to my creditors kept 'em at bay and patient. But I was really beginning to have a problem with what I thought of myself... and I shared those problems, concerns with our editor, Todd... > I'm caught in like a "limbo", Todd... all the > applications I've filled out haven't as yet borne fruit TODD: "It takes time sometimes bro. That same thing has happened to me more than once and I always discovered that in the end, the wait was worth it. Just don't give up. Don't look back, that's behind you now and can only help if you apply what you learned for the future. Look ahead, there's a light at the end of that tunnel. Maybe you can't see it yet, and maybe it's another train coming your way, but all you need to do is step off the track and let it go by, the train you're looking for is heading the same direction you are and you just have to run a little before you can jump on." > What kept you going when you were POW? Did you NEED NamVet Special Edition Page 28 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 > structure, constructive things to do, worthwhile things > to do? What did you do when there were physical, > material things that you NEEDED or WANTED (i.e. Shaving > stuff; Cigarettes; other amenities?)? Would it have > been tougher if there were a family sorta dependin' on > you - in the there-and-then? What did you do, how did > you balance-the-scales with yourself when raised hopes > were dashed against the rocks? TODD: "That was the hardest time in all my life. I look back on it often, not to curse that I was put through that, or that GOD did that to me, but to reason out the WHY's and WHAT's that I learned. I know who I am. I know *exactly* what I am capable of and I know above all that when I let my guard down or feel sorry for myself that I will lose. When I was in camp I daydreamed a lot. I built a motorcycle in my head...from spokes to handlebars. When I came home I did it in real life. You are building that bike by working on the family and the VETLink etc. These things keep you going. What you cannot do is shut everything else out. You need to keep in touch with reality or you are a dead man. And when you die your family dies. Look ahead Joe. Dream about the things you want. Dreams are life. Through striving for our dreams we build life. Look ahead, there's something there waiting for you, you just haven't found it yet. It eludes you..tests your mettle. What gould would having it be if it came to easily. Only hard work and pain brings the best my little brother. Stay on the tracks, be looking for those lights. The right one is coming your way... in the direction you are travelling. It's *your* train Joe... can you hear it? "Woooooo Wooooooooooooo"" Georgia, my wife, had just gotten home from work... David, my near-16-year old son, was quietin' down and studyin' his algebra... Rosie, my 11-year-old daughter, was spendin' the night at her friends... I HAD to walk away from things to try to regain my perspective. "Daddy, can I go with you?" a tiny voice from the corner asked. My 13-year old son, Georgie... my little fishin' buddy... We took the back roads... Down the old dirt roads; past the many farms, past the cornfields and streams; past the steep, sloping roofs I had installed antennas on when I was owner/operator of my own TV/Radio Sales & Service Store; past the farm where the widowed farmer lived, still alone - the wizened old man who'd turned his Shepherd and Husky dogs loose on me when I was trying to learn to ride a motorcycle on those same back roads years ago... down a little further to the old mansion with the big pond alongside. New tenants now... super-wealthy. Asked permission to fish the pond (like I always did when I lived there... Little girl ('bout 4) said that if we were gonna take the fish with us it wouldn't be too good an idea... said "Thank You"... drove out... and into town... Hadn't changed much... Drove to the old house where I used to live. Has a new coat of NamVet Special Edition Page 29 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 paint on it... Someone's remodeling inside, even though no one lives there. Another touch of sadness as I remembered the 17- month, without-an-attorney, ordeal as I battled "a matter of principle" and lost. Georgie and I got out, walked the mile or so down the somewhat busy highway to the pond. I remembered the "tough" times when, just after my new wife and her children came to live with me, and we had no money, I used to go over there and "catch" dinner... I remembered, too, a horrendous lightning storm that came up quickly one time when I was out there fishing - with lightning bolts that only missed me by fractions of an inch - KNOWING and TRUSTING that God knew **exactly** where I was - and how I confidently and trustingly walked home through the storm ). WHERE was my trust and knowledge now? Signs posted all over the place: No Trespassing, No Swimming, No Fishing... We walked back, got in the car, and drove to the owners to ask permission. Rancher, Clydesdale horse-trainer, farmer, caring and responsible landlord - he told us he didn't own it anymore. "Go talk to Tom... his property is on the edge of the pond... maybe he'll let you fish from his backyard." How good it is, once in awhile, to go back home! Tom and his family remember me like I moved away only yesterday. I used to fix their TV's/Radio's - help 'em with their Antennas; was their daughters Sunday School teacher in the Town's only church... Tom gave Georgie and I a boat to use... said "Enjoy yourself... it's really good to see ya! When you guys are done, just lay the oars atop the Bronco in the front yard." Little fishin' buddy caught a 13" Smallmouth Bass - it put up one HECK of a fight and he was just as pleased as can be. I caught a little feller - decided to just leave it hooked and use it for bait. Didn't take long before one huge mouth broke the surface of the water, little feller tucked nicely inside... BERT!!! Georgie and I tried to land him - but he's a smart cuss. Shook the hook (had a mouth that I coulda put both my feet into with room left over!!!) and swam away... "Aren't you upset, Daddy?" "No, Son... there's plenty more in here. I just feel good we're back home for a bit. LOOK at the pretty world God's created... Can ya SMELL the freedom?" We fished a bit more... With Georgie's help, I finally landed two more - a 14-1/2-incher and an about 12-incher. He had a fit, though, when we threw the 12-incher back... "That was BREAKFAST, Dad..." "Nah, Son... throw it back, let it grow, let it live..." NamVet Special Edition Page 30 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Too soon it was dark and time for my little fishin' buddy and I to head in (too many bugs over the pond during a summer's night). We said our "Thank You's", heard our invitations to "Please come back soon" and soon we were on our way home. A couple of hours later, after the little fishin' buddy had proudly cooked our fish and we'd gobbled 'em up, he lay peacefully asleep on our couch - still a broad, happy smile all across his face. Reflections? Reminders? What REALLY matters in Life? Sure felt good to go back to our old home town and be so kindly remembered by all who we met, so welcomed... The good things we do in life, too, are remembered... a welcome "lookin' back...." Georgie... my little fishin' buddy... so trusting, so happy to be with his dad 'just fishin''... so asleep and peaceful... Todd... my friend... my younger-in-years but older-in- experiences brother... my friends in NAM VET and the IVVEC/IWVEC/VET-ORIENTED ECHO's... Darn... Ain't I rich?! Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h but it feels good to have walked down the good paths of yesterday... to have touched and felt and lived in what I was trying to avoid looking back and seeing... and to have walked in Today's paths... and to have come home peaceful... Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-hhhhhh but it feels good... and strengthening... and positive... and hopeful... and full of promise... Amplified and emphasized by the discussions, the problems, the different points of view we all share here... Thank you, big brother Todd... Thank you NAM VET readers... Thank you IVVEC/IWVEC.. I KNOW that there are lights along the tunnel of Life - as well as at the end... In case I forget, all I have to do is remember a smile on a child's face, or a fish jumpin' outta the water, or the friends I served with yesterday - and today... You know what REALLY matters, what's REALLY important? NOW!!! 'Til next month... Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 31 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 W W M M W W M M M M W W \ / M M M M OOOO W W W --*-- M M M IIII O O W W W W / \ M M II O O W W W W M M II O O W W M M II O O II PPPPPP O O ..... II AA PP PP OOOO . '' '' .. IIII A A PP PP ..' '.. A A PPPPPPP ..' ''. A A PP ..' '. AAAAAA PP .' ''. A A PP .' '. A A .' .:::::.. '. .' .::::::::::. ' .' .::::::::::::::. '. .' __ .::::::::::::::::;:... '. .' _- -_ .:::::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' _-_ _ _ -_ ::::::::::::::::::::::::' '. .. _- -!!___!!!-_:::::::::::::::::::::::. .. .' ==_ _- _= .:::::::::::::::::::::::: ', . =-_= _= = :::::::::::::::::::::::: . .' =-_ =_- = ::::::::::::::::::::::: '. .' = - -_ =_:::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' -_ -_- .:::::::::::::::::::;;;. '. .' _-_ ..::::::::::::::::::::::::; '. . _ _ .:;:::::::::::::::::::::;, . ' _ .:::::::::::::::::::::::::. '. Y .'.....::::::::::::::::::::::::::;' '. N ::::::::::::::::::::::::' `''' ': O `::::::::::::::::::::::: \v/ \ / :'E `:::::::::::::::::::::: =========================== :' U `:::::::::::::::::::::. /^\ \ :'T `:::::::::::::::::::: .: A `:::::::::::::::::: .:'T `::::::::::::::::::. .;' R `:::::::::::::::::. .;' T `::::::::::::::::. .;' E `:::::::::gjp::: .:' O `:::::::::::::...........'' G N O T F O R " Bring them home --- NOW !!! " NamVet Special Edition Page 32 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Think about it... NamVet 2-9 5 Sep 1988 Many times I've toyed with the idea. Periodically working at a wide variety of jobs since a very early age (7 to be exact); caring, concerned, interested in other people and the things they do; concerned about what happens to them and in effecting positive changes in their lives, I have searched for that singular area in which I could best serve. TV-Radio repair wasn't it: THAT industry has been widely known to have taken unfair advantage of the trust and lack of technical knowledge of the average person. Politics wasn't it: THAT industry continuously requires that a person *compromise* more than stand on principle; make decisions, not in favor of the constituency responsible for placing one in office, but in favor of large manufacturers, corporations, or contributors who, in turn, could help the majority of the electorate. If one plays with coal it is difficult to maintain clean hands. However, if one chooses NOT to play with coal; NOT to compromise, and NOT to deviate from lifetime values, our electronic newsletter - NAM VET - the first of its kind in the world, is an excellent avenue to consider for self-fulfillment and service to our veteran community; an excellent avenue to consider when you want to hear or tell about the veterans who've made it, as well as those who still wait to come home. Many years ago there was a man who had handicaps that would put most disabled persons to shame and make them feel grateful for whatever good qualities they had. Short, fat, bald, deformed, *AND* ugly, he walked about the marketplace asking questions about what people did and why they did it. It made them uncomfortable and nervous to have someone so interested in them and what they were doing. After a time, because of his consistent questioning and probing, the people grew angry and finally decided to end it -- once and for all. Encircled by an angry and somewhat paranoid mob, before he even had half a chance to record some of his observations for future generations that surely would follow, life slowly ebbed out of Socrates -- killed because he made people think, made them feel important (when they really didn't see themselves as amounting to much) -- killed -- by the very people he tried to help. His death, though, was not in vain for it was but the first step in assuring today's free press and today's NAM VET. This country had barely become a nation when James Madison, John Jay, and Alexander Hamilton, writing under the pseudonym of Publius, published a series of essays that we now call THE FEDERALIST PAPERS, between October 1787 and May 1788 that were largely responsible for the December 15, 1791 ratification of America's Bill of Rights, the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution. NamVet Special Edition Page 33 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Madison, who was later to become our 4th U.S. President (1809-17), battled strongly within the confines of the First Amendment to assure that our democracy would work at its best and that there would always be a free and unfettered force contained within our society to watch over the government: the press - even though, at the time of ratification, there were in existence only eight daily newspapers, none of which was really good and all of whom had a reputation for scurrilous reporting. In later years, that "press" would end the political career of U.S. Senator Edmund G. Ross, the man who cast the Not Guilty vote that made impossible the impeachment of 17th U.S. President Andrew Johnson, citing, in a Kansas editorial, that Ross had "sold himself, and betrayed his constituents; stultified his own record, basely lied to his friends, shamefully violated his solemn pledge... and to the utmost of his poor ability signed the death warrant of his country's liberty" -- the Not Guilty vote that had "saved the country from ... a strain that would have wrecked any other form of government." Through painful firsthand experience, America has learned much since first it came into being, and "Freedom of the Press," since Ross' time, has become more responsible, more ethical. Though the First Amendment mandated that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press..." there have been nine specific exemptions to it (such as the one that applies if you are an employee of the Government) proposed and enacted by Congress, most exemptions presumedly for the good of the government or the people. Lest we become enmeshed in quarrels over Law, or interpretations of the U.S. Constitution, let us attempt to look at the actual reasons for the existence of a free press, whose mission is not to sabotage our form of government or our individual bureaucracies and/or administrations but to report on them, to inform the public of their activities, cover the news. The press (and NAM VET) actually have no power; they cannot write a parking ticket, cannot draft one into military service - or exempt one from it; cannot tax, and the best expose cannot correct even the most minor defect. It does, though, have the ability to influence its readers. It is akin to the flat tire changer who, when experiencing a flat tire, doesn't admire the good qualities of the unflat tires but attempts to repair the damaged one. Dishonest politicians and those who vote against veterans; deplorable conditions within Veterans Administration hospitals; too many cracks the trusting veteran can fall through... The press, the "flat-tire-changer," tries to fix what is wrong by calling our attention to it. Working with and contributing to "NAM VET" means working with a heritage -- a heritage of men like Socrates and Madison, Ross and J.F. Kennedy; *USING* the heritage we've all earned to preserve the balance within our Government, its responsibilities and promises to America's "toughest, most persistent and determined veterans in all her history"; to stand strong against any attempt to limit, change or compromise the benefits and care given our NamVet Special Edition Page 34 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 veterans or penalize them for exercising the freedom they helped maintain --- and it definitely means choosing NOT to play with coal; NOT to compromise, and NOT to deviate from lifetime values. Are you tired of "toying with an idea?" Want to really get involved? Be your community's NAM VET Veteran Reporter and let the rest of the world know what's happening where YOU live, what's going on in the VA hospitals and with your political representatives, what's happening with those 'Nam brothers and sisters that you know of who've done great things with the 'gift' Uncle Sam distributed so freely upon discharge. Think about it... write away ... 'til next month Show a brother/sister veteran ...that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 35 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 In Summation... NamNews 2-10 1 Oct 1988 The nights are getting colder now; the heater comes on quite often, keepin' the family and I somewhat warm. For many, its a time to reflect on the passing of another year; for others, only but the beginning of plans for next spring and summer. De ja vu. I've been fascinated by the leaves on the trees. Seems like only yesterday I saw them appear as buds on naked skeletons; then as dressing; now, in what many of us know are their last days, they blaze in brilliant blood-red crimsons, orange-yellow greens, and hint at the copper-colored mahogany shroud they will soon become as the white of winter blankets the surrounding countryside. Many of US are like those leaves... Seems like only YESTERDAY... Vibrant; pulsing with the energy of our youth, we carefully observed the surrounding jungle, alert for even the slightest unnatural movement or sound; or trained ever- intensely here in the States, preparing for that time when we might go to the Nam... YESTERDAY it was that we surely believed that what we were doing meant something important to our country... I've heard many of the veterans talk - talk about their experiences; how they were treated when they returned home; the shock of being one moment in the bush and the next on a Freedom Bird homeward bound; heard them talk about their many nightmares and how a few of 'em sleep still today with a towel rolled up under their heads to catch the sweat... heard them talk about the many, many jobs they've held - always searching, searching, searching for that elusive peace and sense of security... tried to be their friend when they remembered their losses... Somehow, I think about the leaves... Our "Day in the Sun?" Was it a parade we wanted? A monument? A statue? Average age of we Vietnam vets is 40.6. 40.6! The time of life when most of us should really be cemented in our careers and starting to put all the pieces together. 40.6 - and many of us are just beginning... to pick up where, a long time ago, things went into limbo; when we were thrown off-balance by reactions many of us didn't expect from our America... 40.6... Like the leaves... from good stock... cover good ground... Just thoughts... just thoughts... I've heard from a few of our Nam Vet contributors. Many of 'em ask: "Didya like the piece I wrote?" or "What did you think of..." I tell 'em to watch the IVVEC... surely if any of you were impressed or angered or (fill in the blank --------) you'd say somethin' in the echo... Todd; Myself; our many contributors - we all need FEEDBACK, we need to KNOW what articles you were pleased with; what articles made you think; what articles made you remember... or reminded you of that time "when..." NamVet Special Edition Page 36 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 How 'bout it? Something in this or the last few issues impress you, make you think, make you wonder? How 'bout sharing it with us, starting/sparking new conversations...? How about your neighbor - is s/he a Nam Vet? Is there something important about a vet you know that we'd all benefit by knowing? Can ya write at least a little about him/her? Somehow... I'm reminded about the leaves... and KNOW that where some are ablaze in brilliant splendor, others are waiting... ready... eager for forward motion... NOW would be a good time! Lastly... I'm still preparing some documentation and researching Title 38 for some EFFECTIVE actions that will bring better service to our nations veterans in the VA hospitals. Many things have been happening up here that have changed my timetable a bit. To those of you who have sent me your written claims, etc: THANK YOU - these are the things we need to bring about change - positive change. I hope to finish at least this FIRST of our efforts in the very near future. To those of you who were hoping for super- quick action, I apologize. LIFE has sorta kept me pretty busy lately but, as soon as possible, I'll be back on it and we'll put PART ONE into play. THANKS FOR YOUR PATIENCE... 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran ... that YOU care NamVet Special Edition Page 37 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Editorial for Veterans Day 1988 NamVet 1st Anniversary Issue 11 November 1988 "A good soldier never looks back" At least, that's what they told me all during my military training. They told the same thing to my uncles, my father and my grandfather. Probably YOU, YOUR father and YOUR relatives, too. "Never, never look back; always, always keep your eyes fixed on your objective - and the one after that." I don't remember them teaching any of us how to be human, how to think and act and feel. The only *REAL*, *super-disciplined* training in our young lives - and it was training in how to kill, how to look at another human as an enemy that is to be destroyed. That's the way STRONG men did it - the Patton's, Auddie Murphy's and all the rest. They NEVER looked back; they NEVER let themselves become idle - always reaching new goals, beginning new involvements; they NEVER took the time to FEEL... It worked for awhile. I created my own "safe" places to hide where, according to all the onlooking world, I was busy and productive ("prolific" I think they call it in the writing world) - but in my busyness, I never gave myself time to look up, never wanted to see those uncomfortable things I could remember from yesterday. Too busy lookin' forward... I think it happened at The Wall in Washington... or maybe it was when one of our brothers or sisters said that they, too, felt numb and as if their life was meaningless... or it could have been when my Dad died and then, shortly thereafter, my Mother... Somehow, with all its pressures, all its desirable goals, all its urgency *LIFE* suddenly said *STOP* and when, as my training has taught me, I looked for an alternative route, it came back and said: "I MEANT... all the way!" Stopping forward momentum wasn't comfortable - wasn't something I'd been taught was OKAY, wasn't my lifestyle. My friends whose names are on The Wall; My parents who had yearned for happiness and contentment for their children; My family who can only imagine the things that experience has taught me, only hope to benefit - rather than suffer - from the pitfalls I'd learned to avoid... Stop? Not me... never... But when I did... I found tears; I found sadness; I found some painful, bitter and unpleasant memories. No wonder I kept my head down; no WONDER I kept busy - so busy I'd never have a chance to look back! By keeping so busy and never, never taking the time to just savor Life - as it is, with its ups and its downs - little did I realize how I was perpetuating the pains of all the yesterdays by holding inside of me all the hurts and the losses and the grief. Since then, I've learned that sadness and grief are part of the healing process, part of getting better, part of letting go those things - feeding upon themselves - that disturb and hold one NamVet Special Edition Page 38 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 back... part of the process of learning to be human again. I'm writing this the eve of Veterans' Day - a day we'll all take a little time to remember... remember the sacrifices and the pain, the successes and the failures... the PRICE of the FREEDOM we all today enjoy... and many have paid for. I hope that, in sharing my own personal experiences here, you or someone you know will find YOUR way a little easier, will take time to remember we're all in this together... the good and the bad - and there's growth and healing in it all... 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran That YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 39 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 OUR HIDDEN CAGES NamVet 2-11 5 Nov 1988 Here we are, a week before Veterans' Day, the completion of our first full year of NAM VET publication. 'Bout ready to fall asleep here in front of the computer, been here all night tryin' to make sure this issue got out on time... Was hopin' THIS month to be able to have it all put together for Todd so's he wouldn't have too much to do save mailin' it out to the rest of ya'... unfortunately I didn't quite make it and the final touches on this issue will, as usual, be done by our Editor- In-Chief himself... Thanx Todd... As I put the final touches on MY end of this publication, I'm reminded of the cruel enemy general who went out and had one of his own countrymen captured, brought to the Town Square, and had him placed in a cage. "Why... Why are you doing this to me?" the bewildered villager called out. "What have I done? What is wrong? Please, let me talk to the General" Upon the orders of the General, none of the soldiers talked to the man. Other villagers were warned to say nothing to him else they, too, would fall prey to some undesirable punishment. This went on for days, then weeks, then months. Finally, the twisted curiosity of the general was satisfied. After placing the prisoner's food in his cage, the soldiers noticed that he just sat there staring... staring into space, not seeing them or any of the people around them. "Well, that's just a story," you might be saying, "Something like that might have happened a long time ago but it sure wouldn't happen in today's world." No? Look around you. Look for the incarcerated veteran who hears from no one; look for the homeless veteran sleeping under a nearby bridge; look for the hungry/unemployed/underemployed veteran, barely having enough to survive on, who "falls through the cracks of just about every program that could help him/her give beautiful meaning to their life; look for the veteran who doesn't want to be seen - for, having once been easily identifiable by almost all, that veteran was the object of ridicule, rejection, discrimination and now just wants to remain away from public view... No? Listen around you. Listen for the sounds of the night broken by cries of anger or panic; listen as a citizen reads aloud the daily paper: "Vietnam vet..."; listen to the often heard words: "I'm sorry, you're not eligible..." No? Stop. Think about how often you, like I, have not answered a letter or a telephone call or a request for help. Think about how often your talents and abilities, like mine, have been requested in order to help get an important assignment completed but other things have always held higher priority. VETERANS' DAY 1988... on the horizon. Just a few short days NamVet Special Edition Page 40 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 away. Time for each of us to pause and reflect upon the freedom each of us have given part of our lives for. Freedom to vote; to have a part in our nation's present as well as it's future; Freedom to choose the path we might follow... VETERANS' DAY 1988... in the foreground. A chance; an opportunity; a beginning for all those precious things so dearly bought with hard work, sacrifice, fear - and a strong determination to rise to our very best. VETERANS' DAY 1988... just about here. A time to let your fellow veteran know s/he is no longer alone, that help for any of their problems is only as near as you are; a time, by communicating and sharing, to shatter the silent prisons of the mind - prisons which have held each of us in their bondage and we, in turn, have held others... it's time... TIME...to think and do something about helping produce NAM VET... to think and do something about our homeless... to think and do something about our future... 'til next issue... Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care... 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IIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXpX The Vietnam Veteran XII IIXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX has relatives in the III IIIXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX Old and New Testaments III IIIXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX who also experienced loss II IIXXXXXXXXX XXX and grief, guilt and shame, II IIXXXXXXXXX XX rejection and betrayal, I IXXXXXXXXX alienation and estrangement, I IXXXX XX isolation and withdrawal. II IIXXXX II IIX Adam and Eve tried to hide from God; II II Moses, born Hebrew and raised Egyptian IIII IIII searched long and hard for his real self; II II Job, losing his children and all he owned, II II became sorely diseased; IIII III Biblical Joseph was rejected by his brothers, II II lied about and imprisoned; I Peter denied Jesus. II I "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" Matthew 28:20 NamVet Special Edition Page 42 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 A New Year... NamVet 3-1 7 Jan 1989 "Maybe tomorrow... maybe tomorrow someone will call in response to one of the many job applications I've filled out... maybe tomorrow the mailman will bring a response to my VA claim for Unemployability... maybe tomorrow will show the way that I can apply all that I've learned to help my brother and sister veterans in whatever they're trying to do... maybe tomorrow..." Chad continued his pacing. Back and forth; back and forth; back and forth in a well-worn path through his living room. Upstairs his family slept peacefully and comfortably. They didn't know that the bank was in the process of foreclosing the mortgage on their home. Outside, sub-zero winds whipped against the new roof and siding he'd just replaced. "I just can't understand it," he told himself. "40 years old... a doctorate in life experiences... the last few years spent in sacrifice and struggle so's that I'd have the formal education that SOCIETY wants to see - and NOW I can't even find a job! Prospective employers find one excuse after another to hire somebody else rather than me... what's the problem???" How he wished he could go back into the military! "Too old!" they said when he'd tried to re-enlist. "Besides, you're disabled... you'd have to waive your disability... Vietnam veterans have equal opportunity in the employment arena - just keep trying..." Homeless... about to happen to him and his family... Incarcerated... a very real possibility if something positive didn't happen soon... Hospitalized... good for him - but not for his family. I know this veteran very well. I'll keep you posted on what happens to him and his family... I think we can help him and his family through the many services we are now making available through NAM VET and the International Vietnam Veterans Echo. 1989... the eleventh hour for many of our country's veterans. 1989... a time when children are saying to themselves: "When I grow up, I wanna be... and when I die, I know there's gonna be a flag near me an' I'm gonna hear the Star Spangled Banner playin' off in the distance..." 1989... a time to reach for the best that is in each of us and to share it with our nation's young... 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 43 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 It's only for a little while... NamVet 3-2 4 Feb 1989 The thick black of night was losing its ground against the approaching new day when I found him. Monotone shades of gray, dark green, and yellow-brown had made it hard to find his lean-to. It was the smoke that gave him away. Stepping carefully over the trip-wire he'd set up, I entered his camp. "Butch," I softly whispered. "Be cool, man... it's just me. I wanna help. Talk to me, bro'... talk to me..." I'd almost forgotten what it was like to deal with another man's anger and hurt and pain. "Get the f*ck outta here. You were never in combat; you never saw your buddies blown to sh*t right in front of your eyes; you were never pinned down when Charlie just kept comin' and comin' and comin', never lettin' up, always gettin' sneakier and sneakier... Get lost, Jack... you have NO IDEA of what I've gone through..." "You're right, Butch. I have no idea of what you've been through - just like you have no idea of what I've been through. I've seen combat on a different front... right here at home. I've pulled dying men and women from crumbled cars on the freeways and turnpikes of our America - and tried to keep 'em alive. Didn't make it though. I can remember feeling so helpless while a skydiving friend fell across the high tension wires. And I won't forget the child I saved when everyone else said it was too late... lying there on the side of a mountain, pickup truck crushing his chest, I did the only thing I could think of to get him breathing again: stuck my finger down his throat - and he cried. 2nd and 3rd degree burns across his upper torso and a shaved head later - and he was alive and healthy. There's a lot of others, Butch - but that's not important just now. YOU are. You see, I'm lookin' at another part of the battle I, like you, enlisted for - is it 20 years ago now??? My battle never stopped - it was just like moving from one area of service to another. I don't think I could have done what you did; don't know how I'd deal with someone actually trying to kill me rather than asking for me to help 'em out of a life-threatening circumstance. Talk to me, Butch... help me understand... I've always been your friend..." "Besides bein' friends, Jack, we've got a LITTLE bit in common. You're right, I'm havin' it tough. I don't want to talk about it 'cause talkin' keeps wakin' the memories back up." Showing me a faded picture of a 19-year old soldier with a chain of human ears around his neck, Butch began to cry. "I can't let it go, man... I can't let it go..." "I TOLD the cherry to let ME do the point gig, let ME do the dirty stuff... Nah! HE had to play John Wayne. He walked right into it... walked right into it. They were waiting. Took out 8 of the 10 of us. Captured Sam - but not before I got back at a few of 'em. See those ears round my neck in the picture?" "Sam never came back, although I often heard that he was still alive. And all my friends, my patrol. Gone! 21 years ago NamVet Special Edition Page 44 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 today!" "Talk to me, Butch... It's okay. I can't share the battle with you but I CAN share the same feelings you do... I can listen and be your friend..." Butch stayed on the mountain for nearly three weeks. I went to see him every morning and evening. It was about the third week that the trip-wires and other traps disappeared and his camp became open. I remember the last day I went there... Butch met me half-way up the mountain with a big, peaceful grin on his face. He emanated strength and power - yet he appeared gentle and kind, bedroll under his arm, needing a shave, happiness bouncing in his every step. "You know, Jack... my talking and your listening, they helped me. It didn't make things any easier to deal with and it didn't take away the memories, but just talking about 'em helped; helped me to realize that all of Life - with all its good and bad times - why, it's only for a little while compared to all the recorded time in the past, all the time yet to come in the future. And I WAS being a little like that plane you told me about, the one that was trying to take off but gravity wouldn't let it. Just a little more energy, Jack, and I broke free from the memories that were tryin' to hold me earthbound when my goal was to soar in the skies. I was a good soldier in the 'Nam - I can be a good soldier NOW... C'mon, bro'. Let's go to chow..." I learned somethin' from Butch and the many like him I've met since I went into the service; somethin' that's helped carry ME on through some of the toughest, most tryin' times in MY life: Life IS only for a little while and, too often, I, too, - like gravity attempts to hold a plane earthbound - try to hold on to my yesterday's and try to correct their mistakes instead of tryin' to make my TODAY the best possible, to serve wherever I can... "Hey Butch... wherever you are... I remember!!! And Thanx bro... really THANX!!!" 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 45 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Fairness, Decency and Honor NamVet 3-3 March 3, 1989 The "words" sounded so simple... Fairness. Honor. Decency. I heard them spoken by our new President, George Bush, on March 2 when he was talking about the nomination of John G. Tower as secretary of defense. Fairness. Honor. Decency. "Values" that were hard to find in other than the Kennedy and Carter administrations. ('course the Carter and Ford administrations left some doubt in MY mind concerning draft resistors/evaders).. Maybe there were a few instances of it in other administrations, but many of us found them hard to discover. FAIRNESS. The GI Bill of the WWII and Korean era's seemed fair enough. Politicians gave the same benefits to Vietnam veterans and figured that it was FAIR. It was... but in pre-1954 dollars ($75 a month for tuition plus $500 a year for tuition... President Johnson signed into law a bill that covered BOTH tuition and living expenses of $100 a month) College education for the Vietnam veteran would, for the most part, come only in addition to working "part-time in order to make ends meet." (THE VIETNAM VETERAN - A HISTORY OF NEGLECT Bonior/Champlin/Kolly). If we postponed our education until we were more financially solvent and able to AFFORD it, we soon discovered the 10-year delimitation date. (Some of us DID get to college and graduated only to discover that, at a time of our lives when we should be concentrating and applying our efforts and knowledge, we would just be beginning - in competition, etc., with 19 and 20 year old's just entering the job market...) HONOR. Vaudeville acts in the years after WWI and before WWII more often-than-not portrayed an alcoholic, skid-row bum as being a war veteran. Unfortunately, it was a truism of the times - UNTIL The American Legion empowered many returning able and disabled veterans to bring HONESTY to the feet of the politicians; an HONESTY that revealed soldiers were being discharged disabled with no pensions, no means of caring for themselves or their families, no hospitalization - an HONESTY that revealed our America's lack of HONOR to the promises she had made to those who defended her principles. For a time, the biggest HONOR in being a Vietnam veteran was in NOT saying who you were. That is changing now, slowly but surely, as the hearts and minds of America's nearly 260 million who didn't serve during that era begin to try to understand what we went through, begin to understand that there WAS and IS *HONOR* in our service... begin to realize how many promises to servicemen (AND their families) remain unkept... Today, we don't see too many vaudeville acts and the situation comedies revolve mostly around family life. We DO see televised such programs as Tour of Duty and China Beach which try to portray, in a sense, what it was like (except for the boring, boring days of doin' nothin'...); we DO see movie releases such as Platoon and Hamburger Hill and Full Metal Jacket. But, ya know, I haven't seen too many love stories, too many "Daddy's returned from the War" stories. COULD BE that America doesn't want to face the fact that there weren't too many "happy endings" and that there WERE *TOO MANY* "tragic beginnings... of homelessness, of incarceration, of Agent Orange repercussions, of NamVet Special Edition Page 46 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 fragmented families, of...." DECENCY. I think it would have been "decent" if, when Vietnam veterans returned from duty they could have had their old jobs back; could have appreciated increases in their seniority; could have found the ready acceptance in the employment and housing world that veterans of WWII and Korea did; could have received treatment for their injuries incurred in-service - Agent Orange, PTSD, other disabilities. I think it would have been "decent" if the Vietnam veteran had not have had to go through all they did to address issues in seeking adequate, gainful employment; adequate, helpful and understanding medical treatment and care; adequate and supportive guidance in picking up lives where they were so abruptly interrupted in order to defend what we've all come to believe in: FREEDOM. I think it would have been "decent" if some homeless veterans could have been helped BEFORE they became incarcerated veterans or in other ways totally isolated and alienated from a community which they gave so much for; if some attention to the family's of our veterans would have been paid BEFORE they became ex-'es... Yup... it's a time of our lives when we begin to realize that some dreams of our younger times cannot now be realized; that its TIME to focus and direct our energies, to make OUR lives mean something - to our spouses, children and extended families; to ourselves; a time of OUR lives when WE think about FAIRNESS, HONOR and DECENCY and what WE'LL teach those who follow of their true meanings. Included in this issue are a couple of laws that have been enacted in behalf of the Vietnam veteran... very, very important laws. (We hope to publish more in the near future) If a company or corporation near YOU is a recipient of a Federal contract (in the amounts specified in the Law), it MUST conduct its employment and hiring practices in accordance with those laws. If they don't, we've reprinted some of the specific procedures you can follow to seek compliance - compliance for you, your neighbor and your brother/sister Vietnam veteran. Last year at about this time I was writing an editorial about March 4th being the ONLY day of the year that's a COMMAND to go forward. As March 4, 1989 quickly comes upon us - and another year - how much farther forward HAVE we gone... in helping our 'Nam brothers/sisters care for themselves - in helping them when they CAN'T; in helping the families of our brothers and sisters; in helping America *BE* all that we KNOW it can be? It's time, brothers and sisters... TIME to focus our energies and utilize TOGETHER all that's been done for us and all that we've done for ourselves; TIME to begin DOING; TIME to... Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 47 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING... JUST DOIN' MY BEST TO GET THERE NamVet 3-4 April 1, 1989 It's like goin' through the house of my childhood years. As most of ya know, we had somewhat of a catastrophe here at VETLink #1 very recently. First our computer began acting up. Not quickly repairable, we decided to transfer the HardDisk over to our other machine until we managed to get it fixed. Something went awry and, to our severe dismay, we discovered we were suddenly getting a "Cannot Access Boot Sector" error when we fired everything up. VETLink #1 is now in the process of being rebuilt - piece-by- piece, file-by-file. I just happened to be looking at the August '88 edition (NVET208) of NAM VET as we were putting things back together. Some things have happened up here that I just gotta share with you all... JOE > I'm caught in like a "limbo", Todd... all the applications JOE > I've filled out haven't as yet borne fruit... TODD: "It takes time sometimes bro. That same thing has happened to me more than once and I always discovered that in the end, the wait was worth it. Just don't give up. Don't look back, that's behind you now and can only help if you apply what you learned for the future. Look ahead, there's a light at the end of that tunnel. Maybe you can't see it yet, and maybe it's another train coming your way, but all you need to do is step off the track and let it go by, the train you're looking for is heading the same direction you are and you just have to run a little before you can jump on." JOE > What did you do, how did you balance-the-scales with JOE > yourself when raised hopes were dashed against the rocks? TODD: "That was the hardest time in all my life. I look back on it often, not to curse that I was put through that, or that GOD did that to me, but to reason out the WHY's and WHAT's that I learned. I know who I am. I know *exactly* what I am capable of and I know above all that when I let my guard down or feel sorry for myself that I will lose. When I was in camp I daydreamed a lot. I built a motorcycle in my head... from spokes to handlebars. When I came home I did it in real life. You are building that bike by working on the family and the VETLink etc. These things keep you going. What you cannot do is shut everything else out. You need to keep in touch with reality or you are a dead man. And when you die your family dies. Look ahead Joe. Dream about the things you want. Dreams are life. Through striving for our dreams we build life. Look ahead, there's something there waiting for you, you just haven't found it yet. It eludes you.. tests your mettle. What good would having it be if it came too easily. Only hard work and pain brings the best my little brother. Stay on the tracks, be looking for those lights. The right one is coming your way... in the s, beginning new involvements; they NEVER took the time to FEEL... It worked for awhile. I created my own "safe" places to hide where, according to all the onlooking world, I was busy and productive ("prolific" I think they call it in the writing world) - but in my busyness, I never gave myself time to look up, never wanted to see those uncomfortable things I could remember from yesterday. Too busy lookin' forward... I think it happened at The Wall in Washington... or maybe it was when one of our brothers or sisters said that they, too, felt numb and as if their life was meaningless... or it could have been when my Dad died and then, shortly thereafter, my Mother... Somehow, with all its pressures, all its desirable goals, all its urgency *LIFE* suddenly said *STOP* and when, as my training has taught me, I looked for an alternative route, it came back and said: "I MEANT... all the way!" Stopping forward momentum wasn't comfortable - wasn't something I'd been taught was OKAY, wasn't my lifestyle. My friends whose names are on The Wall; My parents who had yearned for happiness and contentment for their children; My family who can only imagine the things that experience has taught me, only hope to benefit - rather than suffer - from the pitfalls I'd learned to avoid... Stop? Not me... never... But when I did... I found tears; I found sadness; I found some painful, bitter and unpleasant memories. No wonder I kept my head down; no WONDER I kept busy - so busy I'd never have a chance to look back! By keeping so busy and never, never taking the time to just savor Life - as it is, with its ups and its downs - little did I realize how I was perpetuating the pains of all the yesterdays by holding inside of me all the hurts and the losses and the grief. Since then, I've learned that sadness and grief are part of the healing process, part of getting better, part of letting go those things - feeding upon themselves - that disturb and hold one NamVet Special Edition Page 38 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 back... part of the process of learning to be human again. I'm writing this the eve of Veterans' Day - a day we'll all take a little time to remember... remember the sacrifices and the pain, the successes and the failures... the PRICE of the FREEDOM we all today enjoy... and many have paid for. I hope that, in sharing my own personal experiences here, you or someone you know will find YOUR way a little easier, will take time to remember we're all in this together... the good and the bad - and there's growth and healing in it all... 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran That YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 39 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 OUR HIDDEN CAGES NamVet 2-11 5 Nov 1988 Here we are, a week before Veterans' Day, the completion of our first full year of NAM VET publication. 'Bout ready to fall asleep here in front of the computer, been here all night tryin' to make sure this issue got out on time... Was hopin' THIS month to be able to have it all put together for Todd so's he wouldn't have too much to do save mailin' it out to the rest of ya'... unfortunately I didn't quite make it and the final touches on this issue will, as usual, be done by our Editor- In-Chief himself... Thanx Todd... As I put the final touches on MY end of this publication, I'm reminded of the cruel enemy general who went out and had one of his own countrymen captured, brought to the Town Square, and had him placed in a cage. "Why... Why are you doing this to me?" the bewildered villager called out. "What have I done? What is wrong? Please, let me talk to the General" Upon the orders of the General, none of the soldiers talked to the man. Other villagers were warned to say nothing to him else they, too, would fall prey to some undesirable punishment. This went on for days, then weeks, then months. Finally, the twisted curiosity of the general was satisfied. After placing the prisoner's food in his cage, the soldiers noticed that he just sat there staring... staring into space, not seeing them or any of the people around them. "Well, that's just a story," you might be saying, "Something like that might have happened a long time ago but it sure wouldn't happen in today's world." No? Look around you. Look for the incarcerated veteran who hears from no one; look for the homeless veteran sleeping under a nearby bridge; look for the hungry/unemployed/underemployed veteran, barely having enough to survive on, who "falls through the cracks of just about every program that could help him/her give beautiful meaning to their life; look for the veteran who doesn't want to be seen - for, having once been easily identifiable by almost all, that veteran was the object of ridicule, rejection, discrimination and now just wants to remain away from public view... No? Listen around you. Listen for the sounds of the night broken by cries of anger or panic; listen as a citizen reads aloud the daily paper: "Vietnam vet..."; listen to the often heard words: "I'm sorry, you're not eligible..." No? Stop. Think about how often you, like I, have not answered a letter or a telephone call or a request for help. Think about how often your talents and abilities, like mine, have been requested in order to help get an important assignment completed but other things have always held higher priority. VETERANS' DAY 1988... on the horizon. Just a few short days NamVet Special Edition Page 40 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 away. Time for each of us to pause and reflect upon the freedom each of us have given part of our lives for. Freedom to vote; to have a part in our nation's present as well as it's future; Freedom to choose the path we might follow... VETERANS' DAY 1988... in the foreground. A chance; an opportunity; a beginning for all those precious things so dearly bought with hard work, sacrifice, fear - and a strong determination to rise to our very best. VETERANS' DAY 1988... just about here. A time to let your fellow veteran know s/he is no longer alone, that help for any of their problems is only as near as you are; a time, by communicating and sharing, to shatter the silent prisons of the mind - prisons which have held each of us in their bondage and we, in turn, have held others... it's time... TIME...to think and do something about helping produce NAM VET... to think and do something about our homeless... to think and do something about our future... 'til next issue... Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 41 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 I I IIIII I I 88888 ITTTI o88888888 I I o888888888888o 8888 I I 888888888888888888888888 I I 88888888888888888 8888 888 xI Ix 8888888888888888 88888888 T III T 88888888888888 888888 88 I III I 8888888888888888 88888888 xI III Ix 888 888 88888888888' T I I T 88888888 I I I I 8888 xI IIIII Ix TI IT II II II II The Quiet Place IT | TI II --|-- II XIII | IIIX oooo o II I I II o88 888) (888) II I IIII I II o88 88888888 8888) XII I II II I IIX (88 8 88 888888) XIII III III IIIX (8 8 8 88 88 88 8 888) XIIII I I IIIIX (88 8 8 8 88888888) II II I xIIIIIx I II II ( 8 88 888 88888) II I T T T I II (8888 88 8 8 8888888) II I I I I I II (8 88888 888 88 88) II I I I I I II (8888)888 88888) II I I II II I II (8) (I8I8I) 8 oo8888888o II I I I I I II IIIII X 8888888 888BII I I I I I IIXX III X XX 88 88 88 BII I TIIIIIT I IIXXX III XXXXX 888888 88BII I .... I IIXXXXXX III XXgXXX 888 888888888XXXXXII ... IIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXjXX II .. IIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXpX The Vietnam Veteran XII IIXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX has relatives in the III IIIXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX Old and New Testaments III IIIXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX who also experienced loss II IIXXXXXXXXX XXX and grief, guilt and shame, II IIXXXXXXXXX XX rejection and betrayal, I IXXXXXXXXX alienation and estrangement, I IXXXX XX isolation and withdrawal. II IIXXXX II IIX Adam and Eve tried to hide from God; II II Moses, born Hebrew and raised Egyptian IIII IIII searched long and hard for his real self; II II Job, losing his children and all he owned, II II became sorely diseased; IIII III Biblical Joseph was rejected by his brothers, II II lied about and imprisoned; I Peter denied Jesus. II I "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" Matthew 28:20 NamVet Special Edition Page 42 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 A New Year... NamVet 3-1 7 Jan 1989 "Maybe tomorrow... maybe tomorrow someone will call in response to one of the many job applications I've filled out... maybe tomorrow the mailman will bring a response to my VA claim for Unemployability... maybe tomorrow will show the way that I can apply all that I've learned to help my brother and sister veterans in whatever they're trying to do... maybe tomorrow..." Chad continued his pacing. Back and forth; back and forth; back and forth in a well-worn path through his living room. Upstairs his family slept peacefully and comfortably. They didn't know that the bank was in the process of foreclosing the mortgage on their home. Outside, sub-zero winds whipped against the new roof and siding he'd just replaced. "I just can't understand it," he told himself. "40 years old... a doctorate in life experiences... the last few years spent in sacrifice and struggle so's that I'd have the formal education that SOCIETY wants to see - and NOW I can't even find a job! Prospective employers find one excuse after another to hire somebody else rather than me... what's the problem???" How he wished he could go back into the military! "Too old!" they said when he'd tried to re-enlist. "Besides, you're disabled... you'd have to waive your disability... Vietnam veterans have equal opportunity in the employment arena - just keep trying..." Homeless... about to happen to him and his family... Incarcerated... a very real possibility if something positive didn't happen soon... Hospitalized... good for him - but not for his family. I know this veteran very well. I'll keep you posted on what happens to him and his family... I think we can help him and his family through the many services we are now making available through NAM VET and the International Vietnam Veterans Echo. 1989... the eleventh hour for many of our country's veterans. 1989... a time when children are saying to themselves: "When I grow up, I wanna be... and when I die, I know there's gonna be a flag near me an' I'm gonna hear the Star Spangled Banner playin' off in the distance..." 1989... a time to reach for the best that is in each oore pragmatic topics of TODAY; missing, it seemed, were the brother-to-brother conversations and comraderie we often shared there - the "newbie's" on the block, with their questions and comments, were unknowingly fragging our "safe place" - but their "fragging" shouldn't have been able to occur if our place would have been rebuilding the strength within us. WHAT was the common denominator, the or two or three things that could bring us back a little closer again? And then... the Supreme Court and their ruling on the Flag. Now THERE's some controversy! It hasn't really been a quiet month in IVVEC - nor at my office! Did you know: A new court will be established effective September 1, 1989 to hear appeals from the Board of Veterans' Appeal's decisions? If you have been appealing and appealing and appealing your VA Claim without results you're satisfied with and you feel certain the "evidence of record" substantiates your claim, your attorney can now argue your case before this court. Remember, though, there will be NO opportunity to introduce any NEW evidence NamVet Special Edition Page 53 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 or testimony - the case must be argued from the record as it exists. Also, if you chose this level of appeal, you cannot get your political representatives to intercede in/on your behalf because of the separation of powers. I will keep you updated as more details become available. I'm sure many of you noticed that Todd's back and should be back on-line in the very near future!!! I know we all look forward to having him back ... Can youaid it was too late... lying there on the side of a mountain, pickup truck crushing his chest, I did the only thing I could think of to get him breathing again: stuck my finger down his throat - and he cried. 2nd and 3rd degree burns across his upper torso and a shaved head later - and he was alive and healthy. There's a lot of others, Butch - but that's not important just now. YOU are. You see, I'm lookin' at another part of the battle I, like you, enlisted for - is it 20 years ago now??? My battle never stopped - it was just like moving from one area of service to another. I don't think I could have done what you did; don't know how I'd deal with someone actually trying to kill me rather than asking for me to help 'em out of a life-threatening circumstance. Talk to me, Butch... help me understand... I've always been your friend..." "Besides bein' friends, Jack, we've got a LITTLE bit in common. You're right, I'm havin' it tough. I don't want to talk about it 'cause talkin' keeps wakin' the memories back up." Showing me a faded picture of a 19-year old soldier with a chain of human ears around his neck, Butch began to cry. "I can't let it go, man... I can't let it go..." "I TOLD the cherry to let ME do the point gig, let ME do the dirty stuff... Nah! HE had to play John Wayne. He walked right into it... walked right into it. They were waiting. Took out 8 of the 10 of us. Captured Sam - but not before I got back at a few of 'em. See those ears round my neck in the picture?" "Sam never came back, although I often heard that he was still alive. And all my friends, my patrol. Gone! 21 years ago NamVet Special Edition Page 44 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 today!" "Talk to me, Butch... It's okay. I can't share the battle with you but I CAN share the same feelings you do... I can listen and be your friend..." Butch stayed on the mountain for nearly three weeks. I went to see him every morning and evening. It was about the third week that the trip-wires and other traps disappeared and his camp became open. I remember the last day I went there... Butch met me half-way up the mountain with a big, peaceful grin on his face. He emanated strength and power - yet he appeared gentle and kind, bedroll under his arm, needing a shave, happiness bouncing in his every step. "You know, Jack... my talking and your listening, they helped me. It didn't make things any easier to deal with and it didn't take away the memories, but just talking about 'em helped; helped me to realize that all of Life - with all its good and bad times - why, it's only for a little while compared to all the recorded time in the past, all the time yet to come in the future. And I WAS being a little like that plane you told me about, the one that was trying to take off but gravity wouldn't let it. Just a little more energy, Jack, and I broke free from the memories that were tryin' to hold me earthbound when my goal was to soar in the skies. I was a good soldier in the 'Nam - I can be a good soldier NOW... C'mon, bro'. Let's go to chow..." I learned somethin' from Butch and the many like him I've met since I went into the service; somethin' that's helped carry ME on through some of the toughest, most tryin' times in MY life: Life IS only for a little while and, too often, I, too, - like gravity attempts to hold a plane earthbound - try to hold on to my yesterday's and try to correct their mistakes instead of tryin' to make my TODAY the best possible, to serve wherever I can... "Hey Butch... wherever you are... I remember!!! And Thanx bro... really THANX!!!" 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 45 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Fairness, Decency and Honor NamVet 3-3 March 3, 1989 The "words" sounded so simple... Fairness. Honor. Decency. I heard them spoken by our new President, George Bush, on March 2 when he was talking about the nomination of John G. Tower as secretary of defense. Fairness. Honor. Decency. "Values" that were hard to find in other than the Kennedy and Carter administrations. ('course the Carter and Ford administrations left some doubt in MY mind concerning draft resistors/evaders).. Maybe there were a few instances of it in other administrations, but many of us found them hard to discover. FAIRNESS. The GI Bill of the WWII and Korean era's seemed fair enough. Politicians gave the same benefits to Vietnam veterans and figured that it was FAIR. It was... but in pre-1954 dollars ($75 a month for tuition plus $500 a year for tuition... President Johnson signed into law a bill that covered BOTH tuition and living expenses of $100 a month) College education for the Vietnam veteran would, for the most part, come only in addition to working "part-time in order to make ends meet." (THE VIETNAM VETERAN - A HISTORY OF NEGLECT Bonior/Champlin/Kolly). If we postponed our education until we were more financially solvent and able to AFFORD it, we soon discovered the 10-year delimitation date. (Some of us DID get to college and graduated only to discover that, at a time of our lives when we should be concentrating and applying our efforts and knowledge, we would just be beginning - in competition, etc., with 19 and 20 year old's just entering the job market...) HONOR. Vaudeville acts in the years after WWI and before WWII more often-than-not portrayed an alcoholic, skid-row bum as being a war veteran. Unfortunately, it was a truism of the times - UNTIL The American Legion empowered many returning able and disabled veterans to bring HONESTY to the feet of the politicians; an HONESTY that revealed soldiers were being discharged disabled with no pensions, no means of caring for themselves or their families, no hospitalization - an HONESTY that revealed our America's lack of HONOR to the promises she had made to those who defended her principles. For a time, the biggest HONOR in being a Vietnam veteran was in NOT saying who you were. That is changing now, slowly but surely, as the hearts and minds of America's nearly 260 million who didn't serve during that era begin to try to understand what we went through, begin to understand that there WAS and IS *HONOR* in our service... begin to realize how many promises to servicemen (AND their families) remain unkept... Today, we don't see too many vaudeville acts and the situation comedies revolve mostly around family life. We DO see televised such programs as Tour of Duty and China Beach which try to portray, in a sense, what it was like (except for the boring, boring days of doin' nothin'...); we DO see movie releases such as Platoon and Hamburger Hill and Full Metal Jacket. But, ya know, I haven't seen too many love stories, too many "Daddy's returned from the War" stories. COULD BE that America doesn't want to face the fact that there weren't too many "happy endings" and that there WERE *TOO MANY* "tragic beginnings... of homelessness, of incarceration, of Agent Orange repercussions, of NamVet Special Edition Page 46 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 fragmented families, of...." DECENCY. I think it would have been "decent" if, when Vietnam veterans returned from duty they could have had their old jobs back; could have appreciated increases in their seniority; could have found the ready acceptance in the employment and housing world that veterans of WWII and Korea did; could have received treatment for their injuries incurred in-service - Agent Orange, PTSD, other disabilities. I think it would have been "decent" if the Vietnam veteran had not have had to go through all they did to address issues in seeking adequate, gainful employment; adequate, helpful and understanding medical treatment and care; adequate and supportive guidance in picking up lives where they were so abruptly interrupted in order to defend what we've all come to believe in: FREEDOM. I think it would have been "decent" if some homeless veterans could have been helped BEFORE they became incarcerated veterans or in other ways totally isolated and alienated from a community which they gave so much for; if some attention to the family's of our veterans would have been paid BEFORE they became ex-'es... Yup... it's a time of our lives when we begin to realize that some dreams of our younger times cannot now be realized; that its TIME to focus and direct our energies, to make OUR lives mean something - to our spouses, children and extended families; to ourselves; a time of OUR lives when WE think about FAIRNESS, HONOR and DECENCY and what WE'LL teach those who follow of their true meanings. Included in this issue are a couple of laws that have been enacted in behalf of the Vietnam veteran... very, very important laws. (We hope to publish more in the near future) If a company or corporation near YOU is a recipient of a Federal contract (in the amounts specified in the Law), it MUST conduct its employment and hiring practices in accordance with those laws. If they don't, we've reprinted some of the specific procedures you can follow to seek compliance - compliance for you, your neighbor and your brother/sister Vietnam veteran. Last year at about this time I was writing an editorial about March 4th being the ONLY day of the year that's a COMMAND to go forward. As March 4, 1989 quickly comes upon us - and another year - how much farther forward HAVE we gone... in helping our 'Nam brothers/sisters care for themselves - in helping them when they CAN'T; in helping the families of our brothers and sisters; in helping America *BE* all that we KNOW it can be? It's time, brothers and sisters... TIME to focus our energies and utilize TOGETHER all that's been done for us and all that we've done for ourselves; TIME to begin DOING; TIME to... Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 47 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING... JUST DOIN' MY BEST TO GET THERE NamVet 3-4 April 1, 1989 It's like goin' through the house of my childhood years. As most of ya know, we had somewhat of a catastrophe here at VETLink #1 very recently. First our computer began acting up. Not quickly repairable, we decided to transfer the HardDisk over to our other machine until we managed to get it fixed. Something went awry and, to our severe dismay, we discovered we were suddenly getting a "Cannot Access Boot Sector" error when we fired everything up. VETLink #1 is now in the process of being rebuilt - piece-by- piece, file-by-file. I just happened to be looking at the August '88 edition (NVET208) of NAM VET as we were putting things back together. Some things have happened up here that I just gotta share with you all... JOE > I'm caught in like a "limbo", Todd... all the applications JOE > I've filled out haven't as yet borne fruit... TODD: "It takes time sometimes bro. That same thing has happened to me more than once and I always discovered that in the end, the wait was worth it. Just don't give up. Don't look back, that's behind you now and can only help if you apply what you learned for the future. Look ahead, there's a light at the end of that tunnel. Maybe you can't see it yet, and maybe it's another train coming your way, but all you need to do is step off the track and let it go by, the train you're looking for is heading the same direction you are and you just have to run a little before you can jump on." JOE > What did you do, how did you balance-the-scales with JOE > yourself when raised hopes were dashed against the rocks? TODD: "That was the hardest time in all my life. I look back on it often, not to curse that I was put through that, or that GOD did that to me, but to reason out the WHY's and WHAT's that I learned. I know who I am. I know *exactly* what I am capable of and I know above all that when I let my guard down or feel sorry for myself that I will lose. When I was in camp I daydreamed a lot. I built a motorcycle in my head... from spokes to handlebars. When I came home I did it in real life. You are building that bike by working on the family and the VETLink etc. These things keep you going. What you cannot do is shut everything else out. You need to keep in touch with reality or you are a dead man. And when you die your family dies. Look ahead Joe. Dream about the things you want. Dreams are life. Through striving for our dreams we build life. Look ahead, there's something there waiting for you, you just haven't found it yet. It eludes you.. tests your mettle. What good would having it be if it came too easily. Only hard work and pain brings the best my little brother. Stay on the tracks, be looking for those lights. The right one is coming your way... in the s, beginning new involvements; they NEVER took the time to FEEL... It worked for awhile. I created my own "safe" places to hide where, according to all the onlooking world, I was busy and productive ("prolific" I think they call it in the writing world) - but in my busyness, I never gave myself time to look up, never wanted to see those uncomfortable things I could remember from yesterday. Too busy lookin' forward... I think it happened at The Wall in Washington... or maybe it was when one of our brothers or sisters said that they, too, felt numb and as if their life was meaningless... or it could have been when my Dad died and then, shortly thereafter, my Mother... Somehow, with all its pressures, all its desirable goals, all its urgency *LIFE* suddenly said *STOP* and when, as my training has taught me, I looked for an alternative route, it came back and said: "I MEANT... all the way!" Stopping forward momentum wasn't comfortable - wasn't something I'd been taught was OKAY, wasn't my lifestyle. My friends whose names are on The Wall; My parents who had yearned for happiness and contentment for their children; My family who can only imagine the things that experience has taught me, only hope to benefit - rather than suffer - from the pitfalls I'd learned to avoid... Stop? Not me... never... But when I did... I found tears; I found sadness; I found some painful, bitter and unpleasant memories. No wonder I kept my head down; no WONDER I kept busy - so busy I'd never have a chance to look back! By keeping so busy and never, never taking the time to just savor Life - as it is, with its ups and its downs - little did I realize how I was perpetuating the pains of all the yesterdays by holding inside of me all the hurts and the losses and the grief. Since then, I've learned that sadness and grief are part of the healing process, part of getting better, part of letting go those things - feeding upon themselves - that disturb and hold one NamVet Special Edition Page 38 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 back... part of the process of learning to be human again. I'm writing this the eve of Veterans' Day - a day we'll all take a little time to remember... remember the sacrifices and the pain, the successes and the failures... the PRICE of the FREEDOM we all today enjoy... and many have paid for. I hope that, in sharing my own personal experiences here, you or someone you know will find YOUR way a little easier, will take time to remember we're all in this together... the good and the bad - and there's growth and healing in it all... 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran That YOU care... NamVet Special Edition Page 39 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 OUR HIDDEN CAGES NamVet 2-11 5 Nov 1988 Here we are, a week before Veterans' Day, the completion of our first full year of NAM VET publication. 'Bout ready to fall asleep here in front of the computer, been here all night tryin' to make sure this issue got out on time... Was hopin' THIS month to be able to have it all put together for Todd so's he wouldn't have too much to do save mailin' it out to the rest of ya'... unfortunately I didn't quite make it and the final touches on this issue will, as usual, be done by our Editor- In-Chief himself... Thanx Todd... As I put the final touches on MY end of this publication, I'm reminded of the cruel enemy general who went out and had one of his own countrymen captured, brought to the Town Square, and had him placed in a cage. "Why... Why are you doing this to me?" the bewildered villager called out. "What have I done? What is wrong? Please, let me talk to the General" Upon the orders of the General, none of the soldiers talked to the man. Other villagers were warned to say nothing to him else they, too, would fall prey to some undesirable punishment. This went on for days, then weeks, then months. Finally, the twisted curiosity of the general was satisfied. After placing the prisoner's food in his cage, the soldiers noticed that he just sat there staring... staring into space, not seeing them or any of the people around them. "Well, that's just a story," you might be saying, "Something like that might have happened a long time ago but it sure wouldn't happen in today's world." No? Look around you. Look for the incarcerated veteran who hears from no one; look for the homeless veteran sleeping under a nearby bridge; look for the hungry/unemployed/underemployed veteran, barely having enough to survive on, who "falls through the cracks of just about every program that could help him/her give beautiful meaning to their life; look for the veteran who doesn't want to be seen - for, having once been easily identifiable by almost all, that veteran was the object of ridicule, rejection, discrimination and now just wants to remain away from public view... No? Listen around you. Listen for the sounds of the night broken by cries of anger or panic; listen as a citizen reads aloud the daily paper: "Vietnam vet..."; listen to the often heard words: "I'm sorry, you're not eligible..." No? Stop. Think about how often you, like I, have not answered a letter or a telephone call or a request for help. Think about how often your talents and abilities, like mine, have been requested in order to help get an important assignment completed but other things have always held higher priority. VETERANS' DAY 1988... on the horizon. Just a few short days NamVet Special Edition Page 40 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 away. Time for each of us to pause and reflect upon the freedom each of us have given part of our lives for. Freedom to vote; to have a part in our nation's present as well as it's future; Freedom to choose the path we might follow... VETERANS' DAY 1988... in the foreground. A chance; an opportunity; a beginning for all those precious things so dearly bought with hard work, sacrifice, fear - and a strong determination to rise to our very best. VETERANS' DAY 1988... just about here. A time to let your fellow veteran know s/he is no longer alone, that help for any of their problems is only as near as you are; a time, by communicating and sharing, to shatter the silent prisons of the mind - prisons which have held each of us in their bondage and we, in turn, have held others... it's time... TIME...to think and do something about helping produce NAM VET... to think and do something about our homeless... to think and do something about our future... 'til next issue... Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care... 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IIXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXpX The Vietnam Veteran XII IIXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXXX has relatives in the III IIIXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXXXX Old and New Testaments III IIIXXXXXXXXXX XXXXX who also experienced loss II IIXXXXXXXXX XXX and grief, guilt and shame, II IIXXXXXXXXX XX rejection and betrayal, I IXXXXXXXXX alienation and estrangement, I IXXXX XX isolation and withdrawal. II IIXXXX II IIX Adam and Eve tried to hide from God; II II Moses, born Hebrew and raised Egyptian IIII IIII searched long and hard for his real self; II II Job, losing his children and all he owned, II II became sorely diseased; IIII III Biblical Joseph was rejected by his brothers, II II lied about and imprisoned; I Peter denied Jesus. II I "And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" Matthew 28:20 NamVet Special Edition Page 42 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 A New Year... NamVet 3-1 7 Jan 1989 "Maybe tomorrow... maybe tomorrow someone will call in response to one of the many job applications I've filled out... maybe tomorrow the mailman will bring a response to my VA claim for Unemployability... maybe tomorrow will show the way that I can apply all that I've learned to help my brother and sister veterans in whatever they're trying to do... maybe tomorrow..." Chad continued his pacing. Back and forth; back and forth; back and forth in a well-worn path through his living room. Upstairs his family slept peacefully and comfortably. They didn't know that the bank was in the process of foreclosing the mortgage on their home. Outside, sub-zero winds whipped against the new roof and siding he'd just replaced. "I just can't understand it," he told himself. "40 years old... a doctorate in life experiences... the last few years spent in sacrifice and struggle so's that I'd have the formal education that SOCIETY wants to see - and NOW I can't even find a job! Prospective employers find one excuse after another to hire somebody else rather than me... what's the problem???" How he wished he could go back into the military! "Too old!" they said when he'd tried to re-enlist. "Besides, you're disabled... you'd have to waive your disability... Vietnam veterans have equal opportunity in the employment arena - just keep trying..." Homeless... about to happen to him and his family... Incarcerated... a very real possibility if something positive didn't happen soon... Hospitalized... good for him - but not for his family. I know this veteran very well. I'll keep you posted on what happens to him and his family... I think we can help him and his family through the many services we are now making available through NAM VET and the International Vietnam Veterans Echo. 1989... the eleventh hour for many of our country's veterans. 1989... a time when children are saying to themselves: "When I grow up, I wanna be... and when I die, I know there's gonna be a flag near me an' I'm gonna hear the Star Spangled Banner playin' off in the distance..." 1989... a time to reach for the best that is in each oMarch 19, 1991 "In 1976, I SHOULD have chosen to continue renting a place for myself and family to live rather than leasing-with-option-to-buy an old converted farmhouse that had no heat nor hot water nor electricity when first we moved in. But *I* chose the battle I COULD win... After even the VA turned me down for a home mortgage loan, I found a bank which would use my VA compensation check to "guarantee" a home mortgage loan, and we became the owners of our own home again. "In 1977, I SHOULD have chosen to stay alone in the empty ten room farmhouse after my first wife, taking the two children of our marriage, gave up on our marriage and went to live with her parents. But *I* chose the battle I COULD win... When all efforts at reconciliation failed, I contacted welfare departments and advertised for a live-in babysitter to care for my children when I got them back, legal and proper, through the courts of New York. The ONLY response was from an 18-year-old, unmarried young lady. In California, I had known a few live-in babysitters. I called one and, telling me that her marriage had broken up, she agreed to come to New York to care for my children. Also in California, my next-oldest brother had moved on from the relationship which produced three children, leaving the woman and children to stay with my parents. I drove out to pick up the live-in babysitter. Upon arriving in California, I learned that the babysitter I'd driven out to pick up was NOT divorced and, after helping resolve THAT situation with both the babysitter AND her husband and learning that the mother of my two nephews and a neice was planning to move, I asked if she and the children might like to come to New York. After receiving her okay, I then drove to speak with my brother about caring for the children. "If they ask what to call you," he said. "Tell them to call you Dad." Mom wasn't too happy. I was taking "her" children. Dad was pleased. Finally, my parents would have their house to themselves. Upon my return to New York, I was served with a Summons for Divorce - stating no grounds. "In 1979, after closing my own business and obtaining employment at a mental health facility, I SHOULD have chosen to just bite my tongue and move on when the bank who had granted the mortgage on our home utilizing the amount of VA Disability Compensation first agreed then refused to grant a small loan to purchase a used car so that I could get back and forth to work. But *I* chose a battle I COULD win... Without an attorney, spending many hours in law libraries, I battled against the bank's alleged attemped exercise of 'bad faith' - and lost in 1981. The picture is STILL clear in my mind's eye of when the moving van, two sheriff's cars and the bank's attorney came to remove my family and I from a house which I STILL call my home... The bank had all our belongings put in storage and, after blacking out behind the wheel of - and demolishing - my car, for the next few months we lived in an old motor home that was parked out back of a bowling alley. I rode a bicycle for a bit... "In 1980, the woman I had brought from California and I were NamVet Special Edition Page 64 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 married - and I continued the struggles for custody of my own biological children. I couldn't pay for an attorney so, in those issues where I could, I did it myself... As for giving up on the relationship between the new woman in my life and I, I couldn't do that - Dad had since become totally disabled, my brother had returned to my parents home and had changed his attitude towards the 'situation' and, even if I had WANTED to, I couldn't have put the woman and her three children out, nor returned them to California... after all, they WERE family, too ... "In 1983, my new wife and I began leasing-with-option-to-buy another house; the VA granted my request to participate in a program of Vocational Rehabilitation - after the results of an 18- 1/2 year battle and a six-week hospital stay PROVED that my military service was incorrectly terminated as a result of mistaken diagnoses; and I finally obtained an attorney to regain custody of my biological children. After all the welfare department investigations and credit checks and social service department reports were done, on the morning I was to appear in court to reclaim custody of my biological children, I received a telephone call from my ex- telling me that 'If you're a good boy, I MIGHT send you their address' and that they were 'somewhere' in Florida. I appeared in court anyway - only to learn that the attorney I had engaged to represent me had been investigated, charged, and plead guilty to possession and sale of cocaine and was, that morning, disbarred - and all the money I had paid was wasted. "In 1985, I obtained employment with the Veterans Administration. Feeling 'secure' in my future, my wife and I successfully applied for a mortgage on our home. The closing took place on 13 Mar 86 and, on 16 Mar 86, due to the effects of the Gramm-Rudman-Holings Balanced Budget Act, my 'temporary' position at the VA was terminated. "In 1986, I applied for work at, among other places, the U.S. Post Office. 50 percent service-connected disabled, I was denied the position BECAUSE OF my disabilities AFTER I had passed ALL the tests. I filed a claim with the VA for Unemployability... "In 1988, we almost lost our house. HUD has helped us save it... that is, until I still couldn't find work. Soon, unless somethin' happens, it looks like it'll be house number 3 we've said 'good-bye' to... "In 1989, after also being denied many, many other positions of employment, the VA advised me that my claim for Unemployability had been denied... "Shucks... I'm not ashamed of any of the battles I engaged in," I thought as I climbed off the rock. "I stood up, fought hard, very hard for what I believed in. And, according to the options presented, I chose the most winnable battle. "I won my freedom from a painful Army; won in TWO chances against-the-odds in traveling from one end of the country to the other; won in love; won in battling for a home; won against the Small Business Administration; won against most odds of ever having a home of my own THREE times!; won in my battle with the NamVet Special Edition Page 65 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Veterans Administration to have my original service-incurred injuries CORRECTLY diagnosed; won in my battle for Vocational Rehabilitation; won in many battles for other veterans... "How come I still feel like I've lost the war????" Two old-timers, canoe atop their car, drove up to the shore near where I was sitting. They were going fishing (maybe looking for another Bert?)... and I thought I'd better move... "Hmmmm.... STILL no answers," I mused, testing the ground before I put my full weight on each step. "I'll just walk a little further down the bank here... and keep searching..." Following the noontime sun, I began to walk westerly along the shoreline. I took out a cigarette and was about to light it when I saw, lying in the sand, a plastic, steel-potted, M-14 (or was it an M-1) carrying, all-set-for-combat toy soldier... "That's it! THAT'S what's been bugging me! All these years; all the bureaucracies and authorities *I've* faced; all the battles I've engaged in... Why the reactions I've received - and those that I've seen so many of my brother/sister veterans receive - are the SAME one's I've seen children display when they've tired of playin'. 'Pay it no mind,' they'll say. 'When we're done playin', just put it in the box and close the lid. It has no feelings, it can't be hurt, nothing we do is going to affect it - it's only a toy!' "I've been doin' a lot of thinking since I came across the toy soldier - about what I've done with my life, about what others have tried to do, about what really matters. The toy soldier now sits atop my monitor. "I've never seen combat like many of you here have - but I have seen combat of a different nature, right HERE in our own beautiful America... I haven't tripped across booby traps or fallen into punji-stick pits - but I HAVE built my own that seem even harder... I haven't killed people, but I HAVE had them die in my arms, HAVE saved a few of them while I was an active member of a Rescue Squad and a Volunteer Fire Department... I haven't been to 'Nam... but sometimes I think it would be a better place than what I seem to have built for my family and I here... Except for Mexico and Canada, I haven't been out of the U.S. - but when I was in the Army, my number could have been called like yours WAS... THIS has been the hardest editorial I've ever written. The openness and honesty I've tried to include here HURT... but I guess that's another of those 'unwinnable' battles I've engaged myself in... someday I might get past this point in my life - and doin' NAM VET's sure helps ya look deep into what MIGHT be the causes of WHY a person IS where they ARE! I guess the 'memento' I found kinda tells me somethin' - about myself and what I've been doin' for the last 24 years... NamVet Special Edition Page 66 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 I kinda wonder if *I* haven't been taking on the 2-or-more times my size, match-decided-before I begin opponent each time I spy a new objective to achieve... Maybe, all along, I've only been a toy soldier... ... but I've sure worked hard at it 'til the Second Anniversary Edition (due out 11/11/89) Show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 67 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Clouds, Rainbows... and Prisms NamVet 2-1 November 11, 1989 Well, the deadline is fast approaching when, no matter WHAT or HOW I feel about not receiving Todd's editorial, this Second Anniversary Issue of NAM VET --MUST-- go to press. Step by painful step I'm coming to learn how many of YOU must have felt when it was time to be pulled from an AO and you knew some of your troops were still scrambling to reach rendezvous and exit point. Alone, in a sense, I prepare this issue KNOWING that m' brother TRIED... and just didn't quite make it. When Todd and I published the first NAM VET on 11/11/87, I don't believe either of us realized the good that a simple ol' electronic newsletter could accomplish - both for ourselves and for our brother and sister veterans around the world. We've heard about it from fellow veterans, seen it written about in newspapers and magazines, and viewed the dogeared copies lying around in our Vet Centers and veteran organizations. We've also seen NAM VET circulation rapidly grow from its tiny beginnings to what is now near-world-wide distribution. That tells US that we must be putting together at least some of the things you, our readers, want to read - that what we're trying to do for each of you fills a need. 'Round about last May, some legal troubles came Todd's way that mandated he sell his computer and shut down the Vietnam Veterans' Valhalla. In order to continue the "mission" of NAM VET, it quickly became clear to me that the responsibility for carrying on should fall upon one of the founding fathers - me ... and, with a persistence and determination similar to that which sustained me during my 18-1/2 year arduous battle with the VA and other bureaucracies, I have tried to do the best job I could of producing what YOU have requested and/or submitted for all of us to read... I'd like to take THIS opportunity to thank each and every one of you - Section Editors, contributors, those who download the NAM VET, and those who share it - for all that producing NAM VET has taught ME... about the ambush in Happy Valley; about the lonely widow with 3 children who lost her husband to Agent Orange; about the homeless and incarcerated veteran; about our Missing In Action - Prisoners Of War (MIA/POW); and, most importantly, about trying to walk where YOU have walked. I've found part of me in almost every one of you and, ya know, I don't feel so alone anymore! Like so many of you, before I entered the service I was pretty confident that Life was orderly and predictable and that my future would be more or less under MY control. I really and truly believed I WAS a good and worthwhile person and that MY efforts COULD make a difference. > Although I didn't get to the 'Nam, it seems like the military and American society did for me what it did for many of you when they discharged me with a "label" as the unit I was assigned to (69th Sig Bn) was split and went to 'Nam and to Germany. I often wonder how many of those I served with made it back - and I often, too, feel guilty 'cause I wasn't there WITH them to do the job I was trained to do. (I've found two of 'em who came back... one works for a national news network in New NamVet Special Edition Page 68 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 York City; the other, after experiencing all kinds of unexplainable illnesses and weight loss, went to California to spend what were possibly his last days in warmth and sunshine instead of the bitter cold of the Northern U.S.) After my military service, like so many of you, I tried to feel proud of my efforts for this country - but it was hollow and had no meaning when I KNEW, except for my pre-accident performance of my duties, that I had done really nothing to be proud of. I soon learned that if I wanted a decent job, I should NOT mention my military service. I'm a determined cuss, though: a veteran and damned proud of it! Needless to say, with my service-incurred disabilities which the VA refused to recognize coupled with the general public reaction I encountered, there wasn't much I could find other than apprentice-type or menial labor positions. Following the lead that so many of you have provided - or leaving footprints that others may easily follow, claims were presented to the VA only to be denied or seen as confirmation that an erroneous military diagnosis was correct. I couldn't afford private physicians, therapists or counselors and I either had to find a way to deal with it myself or let it overwhelm me. Yup... we've been under a very similar cloud. But then one day I saw a rainbow... and followed it. A newspaper reporter, writing about my struggles with the Small Business Administration, called me a "service-connected disabled Vietnam vet" ... and I began to look deeper into some problems that all - ESPECIALLY Vietnam veterans - might be having at that time (1976). The rainbow, with its multiple colors and differing shades of light it shed on things, pointed me towards Massachusetts a few years later and steered towards the 1983 CompuServe Identity of "Vetlink - The Point Man" and then to the 1987 creation of VETLink #1. Eight months later, after constant and continued involvement in the IVVEC and just about the time I was beginning to find HOPE again, a faraway candle flickered as Todd asked that I join with him in creating NAM VET for all of us. For me - NAM VET has really kept the lights near-bright and has constantly reminded me of the kinship we all share! And, speaking of "kinship," let's not forget Todd. He's had problems, like many of us, prior to his most recent difficulty. He's mentioned to me that he's not proud of what's happened, and I can understand that. I can also understand confidentiality and allegiance and loyalty and acceptance. Todd and every one of you have taught me in a much better way that I was ever shown prior to IVVEC and NAM VET. There's a "cloud" in HIS life right now and sometimes I wonder whether or not my internal guidance system of "not abandoning a brother/sister - or leaving someone behind" might be more harmful than good for Todd. It is "I" who had the police check on his and Nancy's well-being when I received no answer from their telephone for four or five straight days; It is "I" who constantly hounded him and asked that he US Snail me his editorial until we found a way to get the Valhalla back off-the-ground; it is "I" who have constantly tried to pull him back into something he seemed to care NamVet Special Edition Page 69 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 very deeply about. Maybe I should have just let him go - but, to me, he's a brother veteran who's shared some very important and insightful things with us all, and I have a real problem with that. It is also "I" who believe that we who contribute to NAM VET and the IVVEC can see the iris of the clouds, can restore hope for at least one when all the world once seems lost - through our words and efforts and prayers, can see another person's actions illuminated in the light of fraternal understanding and concern... And it is "I" who can see clouds and rainbows and prisms and KNOW that it is nature's way of saying: "Thank You, Vietnam Veterans - it DOES mean sumpin'!" 'Til our next issue Show a brother or sister veteran That YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 70 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 NMNMNMNMNMNMNM\ Operation Desert Storm MH * * * HN/NMNMNMNMNMNMNMNNMNM\ NH * * * HM/MH * * HMNMMNMN/MMMMMMMMMMMMM\ MH * * * HN/NH * * * H////////MMMMMMMMMMMMM/MMMMMMMMMMMMMMH NH * * * HM/MH * * H//////////////////////MMMMMMMMMMMMMMH MH * * * HN/NH * * * HNMNMMNM/////////////////////////////H MH * * * HM/MH* * * HMNMNNMN/NMNMNMNNMNMNM///////////////H MH * * * HN/NH * * * H////////MNMNMNMMNMNMN/NMNMNNMNMNNMNHH NH * * * HM/MH * * H//////////////////////MNMNMMNMNMMNMNH MH * * * HN/NH * * * HMNMMNMN/////////////////////////////H H//////////////MH * * HNMNNMNM/NMNMNMNNMNMNM///////////////H H//////////////////////////////////MNMNMNMMNMNMN/NMNMNNMNMNNMNMH NNNNNNNNNNNNNN///////////////////////////////////MNMNMMNMNMMNMNH NNNNNNNNNNNNNN/NMNMNMNMNMNMNMNNMNM/////////////////////////////H H//////////////MNMNMNMNMNMNMNMMNMN/NMNMNMNNMNMNM///////////////H H//////////////////////////////////MNMNMNMMNMNMN/NMNMNNMNMNNMNMH MNMNMNMNMNMNMN///////////////////////////////////MNMNMMNMNMMNMNH NMNMNMNMNMNMNM\NMNMNMNMNMNMNMMNMNM/////////////////////////////H \NMNMNMNMNMNMNNMNMN\NMNMNMNNMNMNM///////////////H \MNMNMNMMNMNMN\NMNMNNMNMNNMNMH WELL DONE !!! \MNMNMMNMNMMNMNH NamVet Special Edition Page 71 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Holiday Happenings NamVet 3-12 December 5, 1989 "Yesterday, December 7, 1941, a day which will live in infamy... " "Fighting was heavy today... the 38th parallel... " "To those peoples in the huts and villages of half the globe struggling to break the bonds of mass misery, we pledge our best efforts to help them help themselves, for whatever period is required -- not because the Communists may be doing it, not because we seek their votes, but because it is right. If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich... " Flames licked the outside edges of the new logs they'd just tossed on the fire. The aroma of new-perked coffee drifted across the campsite as Randy, Bob and George - son, father, grandfather - finished getting things ready for next mornings' early start. The campfire reflected itself in the highly-polished stocks of an M-1 Carbine, M-14, and M-16 gas-powered, semiautomatics... Three generations of veterans - now united in "sport" rather than "defense"... Deer hunting season opened at first-light... Preparations finished, they positioned themselves to catch the warmth of the fire in the cold, clear night and cupped their hands around their steaming hot coffee cups. Far below them, the lights of the city twinkled as the world went about its business. Setting his coffee down, George grasped his M-1. "Now THIS, boys, is a weapon... 'course, ya gotta watch your thumb when you're putting a round in the chamber..." Randy and Bob, wanting to avoid the misery of hearing the story of the M-1 thumb again, were just about to change the subject when they noticed a different look in George's eyes, a quiet, pained, melancholy type of gaze. George's voice was barely audible... "I can still remember them coming," George continued, unaware of the deafening hush that now seemed to amplify his every whisper... "They came, one right after the other... Sam took a hit right below the eye. It was over for him in a second. Jack wasn't so lucky. He laid there for nearly an hour before he died. Doc couldn't get to us and I listened to Jack's dying at the same time I was fighting to keep us both alive. There wasn't anything else I could do... And then our company was shipped over to Bataan... and... Nights like this, when its cold and quiet except for the pop-popping of a burning log... hell... its like being there all over again..." Randy and Bob had never been privy to this kind of gut-level communication before. George, like Bob, had never talked about his military service except to say that he'd served. The American fighting men of WWII and Korea, according to popular notion at that time, went to war, fought, came home, went about their business and said nothing. If any DID want to "talk about the things they did, the atrocities they observed and/or participated NamVet Special Edition Page 72 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 in" society had its ways of dealing with them. Section 8's, mental hospitals (often at the veterans' expense), alcohol, low- paying, unskilled jobs --- anything to keep 'em at the bottom of the pile. Mentioning whatever it was that bothered the veteran - whether it was recurring nightmares, flashbacks, or even trouble readjusting to American society was NOT the thing to do. "You know, Dad," said Bob, "I've had a lot of those kinds of things, too. We were at Chosin... and it was bitter cold and our supplies were low... and they came... and came... and came... and MY friends died, too. And we were ORDERED to take the mountain at any cost... there wasn't any going back... And then when I got back to the states... After about a year-and-a-half, though, I got that civil service job at $42 a week... I couldn't jeopardize my family and my job just because there was something that was bothering me about my military service... " Randy watched as tears began to stream down the faces of his father and grandfather. "All these years! And they kept it all inside of themselves! They never talked about it, never talked about hurt inside of them!" Randy thought. "You know, Dad... Grandpa... all these years since I've been back from 'Nam and I started to talk to either of you across the dinner table or sitting in the living room about the things I went through and noticed how uncomfortable you seemed to be, I always thought that you just didn't accept me, didn't accept the things I'd done while I, too, fought as a soldier. Until tonight I'd always thought that your quick changing of the subject or finding something else that HAD to be done NOW was just another way of your rejecting me. I'd never really considered the possibility that you were uncomfortable because my experiences were reminding you of what YOU went through... " Festooned with streams of twinkling lights, the holiday-garbed city was unaware of the bonding that took place on a mountaintop high above them... ... a "bonding" very much akin to the reported words of an Angel, 1989 years ago: "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which shall be to all people; ... and on earth peace among men of good will." "President Reagan has ordered a total news blackout on the events currently transpiring on the island of Granada..." "The Sandinistas and the Contras continue to ..." "We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this special news bulletin..." "Merry Christmas ... and the happiest of New Years" from all of your NAMVET staff and their families 'til next month... NamVet Special Edition Page 73 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 show a brother/sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 74 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 "A product of my yesterdays" NamVet 4-1 January 7, 1990 "KED348 to East Fishkill Rescue Squad. Respond to a traffic accident on the eastern side of the Taconic State Parkway at Miller Hill Road. Person trapped in the vehicle. Time out 2240hrs." The Rescue Squad monitor at Joe's bedside went silent. The curve at the bottom of Miller Hill Road was treacherous. Because the parkway veered sharply to the left and the road was banked to the right, many locals claimed that it was engineered wrong. Silently sobbing to himself, Joe restlessly tried to fall asleep. He hoped that he wouldn't be called out again tonight. "Just like in 'Nam," he cried. "Just like it! Another one dies in my arms - and it wasn't his fault!" Scenes from the past hour or so refused to leave him. Unaware of the designed-in danger, the car and driver were suddenly jettisoned through space. Probably the last few things the driver had seen were his car going off the bridge and the gully below quickly coming up to meet him. First on the scene, Joe quickly saw that the ONLY way to get to the man was to scramble through the shattered rear window. Brushing aside crystallized windowglass with his coat sleeve, he crawled through. Stilling himself to everything external, he laid fingertips gently to one of the mans carotid arteries. No pulse! Climbing into the front seat, he had to act quickly! "Okay, Men - by the numbers: 1. Tilt the head back; 2. Clear the airway; 3. Pinch the nose; 4. Make the seal; 5. Breathe into the victim; 6. Do not stop unless you are relieved." "I wish Sarge were here and not me," Joe frantically thought to himself. He tilted the man's head back, ran his fingers through the mouth, quickly made a seal and began mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Blood from the man's mouth and nose, pepper-and- onion tainted breath when forced air was expelled - a signal to Joe that his efforts were futile. Until the ambulance drivers took over, though, Joe continued his vain efforts. Elephant grass... Blood... Broken window glass... Blood... Ambulance drivers... Medevacs... White sheets... OD Body Bags... Blood... Blood... Blood... "Didn't make it..." Joe fitfully tried to fall asleep. Sensing his inner turmoil, his wife gently caressed him and tried to help him forget. It almost worked... "KED348 to East Fishkill Rescue Squad. Respond to an automobile accident on Route 84. State police report a pickup truck has crashed into the ravine near the Rest Stop and has come to rest on a ledge halfway to the bottom. Reported person or persons trapped in the vehicle. Time out 0130hrs." Quickly shutting out his own pain and sorrow, Joe hurriedly NamVet Special Edition Page 75 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 dressed and raced outside - deafening himself to his wife's anguished cry of "You're not going again, are you, Joe?" Three minutes later he was on the scene. Halfway down the 300-foot deep canyon, precariously rocking from side to side, Joe saw the pickup. A State Trooper was helping a woman climb to the roadside. "My baby! My baby" she was crying. "My son's nowhere to be found! Please find them!" Just as he was nearing the teetering pickup, one of the other rescue squad members, baby in his arms, was beginning to climb. "The baby got stuffed underneath the dash. That's probably what saved her. We haven't found the boy yet, Joe. He was thrown out. He's probably at the bottom!" Joe aimed his flashlight toward the base of the ravine. Nothing. He began to scan the area as he continued downwards. Trying to trace an imaginary trajectory, he began at the underside of the truck with the light's beam. A form! There was the boy! "I see him, I see him! He's pinned underneath!" Joe shouted as he sailed through the air towards the truck. Had it not been for the outstretched arms of John, the Rescue Squad's Captain, centrifugal force would have taken him past the accident to the gorge nearly 150 feet below. "It's too late, Joe. Nothing we can do. He's gone." Two other squad members had just crawled from under the dangerously rocking truck. The slightest movement could send squad members and truck to the bottom. "I can't give up NOW, John... not after the one we just lost. Lemme do a recon. Gimme your penlight. Here... hold my flashlight..." He dropped to the ground. The smell of oil and gas filled the air. It was hot under the truck. "SMOKING LAMP IS OUT!!! SMOKING LAMP IS OUT!!! This thing can go up at any minute. Do NOTHING that will cause any sparks!" Joe cried out to the squad. Joe carefully scanned the boy's body. Not even the slightest movement of his chest to indicate any breathing. He looked kind of blue. "I've gotta get the boy breathing again - and NOW!" Joe quickly surmised. "Okay men - by the numbers: 1. Tilt..." With alarm, Joe discovered that he couldn't fit under the truck. There wasn't a fraction of an inch's clearance. The oil pan was resting right on the boy's back. Each time the truck moved, it pushed him further into the ground. "Dammit, Sarge! How the hell am I gonna try to save this kid if I NamVet Special Edition Page 76 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 can't even get my head near his! He needs air - and he needs it NOW!!!" The other squad members later said they'd heard it too. A voice coming from nowhere but everywhere. "Dig, FNG! DIG!!! If ya gotta do it with your hands, do it. Now DIG!!!" Joe didn't try to figure out who'd tried to play a military game with his head. He frantically dug, tried to make room enough for at least his head to fit. Time was going too fast! Faster, faster, faster!!! "Almost enough," Joe reacted after trying once more to fit under the truck. "But not time enough. Got to do SOMETHING - and do it NOW!!!" "2. Clear the airway..." Not even a hint of warm air came from the boy's nostrils or mouth. Wiping his hands on the boy's shirt, Joe began to force the boy's mouth open. Whatever was to be done must be done now. The boy still hadn't moved and a grey pallor covered his every feature. "He's gone," one of the squad members told another. "Two out of three saved isn't too bad." "Oh no, God. Please. Not another one! Help me, help me! Please!" The boy's body temperature heralded quickly approaching death. Almost too late for any help... The smell of oil and gas filled the air. The truck moved a little more towards the downside of the ravine. It was as quiet as a morgue around the perimeter of the truck. Hardly anyone except Joe was moving. Time seemed to be standing still. Almost like someone turned a bright light on in his head - as if he had just woken up - Joe pushed three of his fingers down the boy's throat! "One last shot, kid," said Joe. "If this don't work, I've done the best I can." Movement! The boy started to move! Three more times he put his fingers down the boys throat, repeatedly gagging him... pushing deeper and deeper, trying to trigger the kid's automatic gag reflex... tickling the back side of the throat... again and again... Suddenly the boy began to cough and then cry! He was alive! Rescue squad members quickly sprang into action. A rope was tied from above to hold the truck from falling; shovels were brought down and everyone began to dig. It seemed like only seconds NamVet Special Edition Page 77 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 passed before the boy was placed in a stretcher and squad members were carrying him up the hill to a waiting ambulance. Tears streaming down his face, gratefully taking the offered oxygen mask, and trying to relieve the tension of the situation, Joe commented to John: "First time in my life I've ever jump- started a human. I think Sarge woulda been proud..." The house was dark when he'd arrived home. Quietly sliding into bed, he reached over and turned off the monitor. Sleep came easily. Last thing he remembered before falling asleep was thinking to himself: "Who says my military career 'don't mean nuthin'? They shoulda been there..." Newspapers the following day reported that the boy only suffered second and third degree burns to his back and he'd had to have his head shaved. 'Til Next Month Show a brother or sister veteran That YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 78 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Do the best ya can with what ya got! NamVet 4-2 February 13, 1990 Whew!!! Another issue finally put to bed! Now its time to start on the next one The field of fire here in Massachusetts has been pretty narrow and tight since about the beginning of the New Year when first NamVet and IVVEC began tackling areas of direct service. Whether we're dealing with a bunch of STRACK civvy personnel or not, only time will tell. (I STILL hear a lot about crossing T's and dotting I's - and double-checking to make SURE the watermark on the paper we've written on is facing the right way!!!) Some of the areas we've tried have had positive results (see the NamVet/IVVEC Concentrated Service section). Others have resulted in only silence. Oh well... ya win some, ya lose some. Maybe the "silence" is NOT the lull before the storm but, instead, indicative of the fact that there's some "behind the scenes" work goin' on (government and bureaucracies DO work that way, ya know ). On a personal level (where my computer kept givin' up the ghost and I was always havin' to do some emergency resuscitation to barely make deadline- time for NamVet), we've received some help almost beyond even our dreams. (Thanx again, Lefty n' Bob!!!) NamVet, for me, has been a lifesaver, many times over. Just about the times I've almost totally convinced myself that I AM lazy and that I really DON'T want to work or some other not-positive thing, I get involved in producing the next month's issue and discover that, yup, there IS somethin' I CAN still do my best at - gettin' the word out to each of you about veteran service and new developments anywhere along the spectrum. Its really been an honor, and I'm sincerely grateful. THANK YOU, each and every one, for the articles you submit; the VOICE telephone calls, the cards n' letters; the wishes for a successful resolution to the difficulties I've created here for m'self, n' all the other things. Like I said, "It's REALLY been an honor!" ('course ONE of ya that got me to admit that I'm uncomfortable TAKING help rather than GIVING it... ) Movin' right along... Last Friday night (9 Feb 90) I had the very welcome opportunity of meeting with the State of Georgia's candidate for 1991 National Commander of the American Legion, Bob Turner. Bob presently works as a counselor with the Claims Division of the Georgia Department of Veterans Service in Atlanta and his background includes 1966-68 Vietnam service as well as Presidential recognition for his many outstanding contributions to his community. When asked about Agent Orange; Unemployment among Vietnam and other veterans; and, what he would do to help stem the tide of VA hospital closings and reductions if offered services, Bob made it crystal clear that accomplishing anything as a National Commander is not a job that one person can do alone. "It requires teamwork and the many of us pulling in the same direction." Teamwork... doing the best we can... all pulling in the same NamVet Special Edition Page 79 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 direction. Sounds almost like he could have been talking about us here in NamVet/IVVEC world! I'll be writing Bob Turner soon on IVVEC stationery and asking him for input that can be shared with you all here. Stay tuned! Looks like, for now, tha's just about it for this issue. Hopefully our next will be out on time: March 4th - the ONLY day of the year that's a command to GO FORWARD!!! Would sure like to have one of YOUR articles in here. Let's KEEP doin' the best we can with what we've got. With NamVet and its readers, we've got a lot!!! 'til next month Show a brother or sister veteran That YOU care NamVet Special Edition Page 80 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Trail Through The Boonies NamVet 4-3 March 7, 1990 Hmmmm... March Forth - 'er 4th. ONLY day of the year that's a command to go forward. I remember the excitement and enthusiasm I felt when I wrote the March 4th editorial last year. It looked like everything good was on the horizon for many of us. My family and I, particularly, were a tad bit hopeful that after receiving my long-delayed bachelor's degree, OUR situation would change too. Our situation DID change - but not too much for the financial- better (although I DID and HAVE learned much about HOW to survive in a civilized world when everythin' seems to be goin' from worse to worse... ). Years-end found us facing the prospect of being homeless as the bank which granted us a home equity loan began foreclosure proceedings against us. Years-beginning found the Vietnam_Veterans EchoConference filled with text-file copies of letters to the DAV and others relating some historical background on the difficulties I've seen concerning a disabled veterans inability to acquire employment other than sweep-the- floor, take-out-the-trash type jobs no matter what his/her education. Our January 1990 issue of NamVet heralded a new focus and concentration on the Veteran Service IVVEC and NamVet have been providing for the past few years: TEXT-FILE, make-it-public, copies of letters written to responsible parties concerning veteran service - or lack thereof. The POSITIVE results obtained from both The White House and my local Congressman are encouraging. The NEGATIVE results (no telephone calls, no letters) from either the State of Massachusetts or Washington DC Disabled American Veterans' Commanders address an area of veteran service that definitely needs some attention. Some lights are beginning to show at the end of this tunnel my family and I have found ourselves in! There is a type of bankruptcy a person can claim and still manage to retain their house/home called a Chapter 13 (Wage-Earner's) Bankruptcy. Chapter 13, as I understand it, presents a plan to the court whereby the debtor (me, in this instance) is allowed to enter into a payment agreement with the court and weekly makes payments to either an attorney or the court (I'm not sure which at this point) and that entity then redistributes the amount submitted amongst the various creditors. If the plan is acceptable to the court, our house and home will be saved. (There's a lot more about this, but this month's NamVet is already big! ) On the employment front: "If ya can't find a job - make one." I know a little bit about computers and a lot about human service. Employers that I've found seem not to want to hire me for fear my disabilities (or age) may become their liabilities. So... I've opened my own computer consulting business. Heck, I've got plenty of time to learn software applications; a good background in electronics (a Master Technician here in MA); a good sense of public relations; and a deep commitment to honest public service. Ain't no better place to start than right where I'm at... Small advertisements in the local throwaway (PennySaver, Shoppers NamVet Special Edition Page 81 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Guide, etc); business cards printed and handed out; lots of effort and planning. I have two clients already! And its only been two weeks! But the Bankruptcy judge ain't gonna allow a person to go bankrupt so's they can start their own business! So... I'm still lookin' for somethin' that will provide the "secure" income they'll need in order to say "Yes" to the wage-earners plan that I'll be askin' permission to enter into (I've managed to acquire the services of a local attorney ) has done one outstanding job of keeping right on top of what's been happening with the Agent Orange issue - from writing about it to the highest levels of our government to grabbing the attention of a national veterans' organization. Jim Hildwine has been doing a SUPER job of getting to us all the veterans' benefit information he can come up with - and was even responsible for helping us FINALLY to get on the mailing list of the DVA's Office of Public Affairs. Incarcerated Veterans Section Editor(s) Todd Looney and Joyce Flory have also been doin' a LOT of seemingly thankless legwork to "get the word out" to Commissioners and Directors of Veterans' Affairs, veterans' groups, and anybody who has a name and address of one of our incarcerated (we've been hearing about it all the way up here!). Our PTSD Section Editor, Kathleen Kelly, has been doin' a LOT of work tryin' to help us look at the many sides that DO exist to questions and points-of-view. NamVets Chaplain, Ed Brant, has been doin' a lot of writin' that will help our many Christian veterans. And our Memorials Section Editor, Aaron Schmiedel, has been quite busy tryin' to get some stuff up to us (I've seen your message in the IVVEC, Aaron...) NamVet Special Edition Page 84 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Many of you that have called VETLink #1 in the past few weeks have noted that there's some changes going on there, too. MASSIVE changes!!! We're in the process of installing a newer version of our LYNX BBS (Called OSIRIS) and Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. (VETLink #1's sponsor) has just purchased an even newer, nicer BBS that has the capabilities of an on-line database to display infor- mation concerning MIAs, POWs, Veteran Benefits in YOUR city/state, ALL the NamVets to-date, etc. Additionally, once everything is set up and in-place, we'll hopefully be adding an on-line Vietnam Veterans Bookstore! We're still clearing up some mites that have cropped up in the mail processing section and I hope that all our downstream nodes will keep us posted if there's ANYTHING wrong at all with any of the mail they receive from us. Springtime... a time of the year when Christians commemorate Easter and the beginning of new life; when Jews celebrate their long ago escape from Egypt; when the world rejoices at deliverance from the harsh bite of winter and applauds the promise held in the new buds suddenly appearing on trees and plants, the tiny eggs found in the robin's nest, and envisions a gentle summer. Springtime in the IVVEC isn't too much different!!! 'til next month... Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 85 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 TIME NamVet 4-5 May 9, 1990 Now that all of the articles many of you submitted have been questioned , formatted, and fine-tuned to fit within the pages and margins of NamVet, its time for ME to write my editorial. I like to write and I can remember "way back when" NamVet first started (Veterans' Day, 1987) I had TIME then to write, TIME to climb into the hearts and souls of the characters I was attempting to tell each of you about, TIME to illustrate the up's and down's of today's Vietnam veteran. TIME, now, is so crammed with all the other things I've gotten myself into.... I'm looking at TIME today with a grateful, yet sad, mistiness. Look BACK, brothers n' sisters, and you'll see a time when so many of us, KNOWING that we were doing the right thing, followed the generations of soldiers and helpers who went before us and stood proudly in Uncle Sam's uniform... Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines, Merchant Marines, Coast Guard, USO, Red Cross, Civilian duty of one form or another. THAT was a time when we looked FORWARD and saw duty, challenge, and opportunity to be at our best. Many of us saw other countries , got the chance to learn about other cultures, other ways of living/existing. The wealth of experiences gained sat dormant for a bit whilst our beautiful America reconciled herself with the young men and women she sent off to battle, tried to deal with protesters, draft dodgers and evaders, student unrest, apathy, and severe criticism. Our America, with a little prodding , searched for the balance between what she THOUGHT was right and what her inhabitants came to think was correct. Many of us returned to civilian life and were expected to pick up where we'd left off as if nothing had happened in our absence. Others returned and were shunned, rejected, ignored. Each of us had to find our own way if we were to continue to survive. Sadly, some of us didn't. Others, only half-way or less. Move forward a little in TIME, and you'll see many concerned veterans appear on the American scene. Remember when the veterans camped out on the grounds of a California VA Medical Center? Or one drove his car into the front entrance of a VA hospital? Remember when then-VVAW member, now U.S. Senator John Kerry, like so many, disgustedly threw his war medals on the steps of the National Capital? Remember when the last chopper left 'Nam? America was beginning to be concerned. Her Vietnam veterans were beginning to unite in a common effort to see that she honored the promises she made when they proudly served her. The Disabled American Veterans and Dr. John S. Wilson patiently, carefully, methodically moved forward and produced THE FORGOTTEN NamVet Special Edition Page 86 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 WARRIOR PROJECT which was the impetus for today's storefront Vet Centers. You and I and many like us, knowing that "if we poke holes in our lifeboat, we're all gonna sink," began to find areas of common agreement and purpose, began to concentrate and focus our energies towards finally making things right. 1986 brought with it Todd Looney's creation of the International Vietnam Veterans EchoConference (IVVEC) for computer-using Vietnam veterans, their friends, and those interested in/concerned about America's Vietnam veterans. March 13, 1987, operating on a Commodore 64 with two disk drives, VETLink #1 became a reality. Two weeks later, a PC was purchased and VETLink #1 became a FidoNet node and very shortly established a cross-country link with Todd Looney's Vietnam Veterans Valhalla. A few months later, the NamVet that you see today was born. Not having the in-country experience(s) so many of you have and not having the benefit of even being stationed outside of the U.S. while I was in the military but, after being thrown from a jeep travelling 55mph while on active duty, hitting the pavement head and elbow first, experiencing a near-month-long coma, being subsequently misdiagnosed and eventually honorably discharged, HAVING experienced many similar feelings of rejection, isolation, loneliness and loss that many of you have, I've been sincerely honored and terribly humbled to have a little something to do with both preparing and bringing your NamVet to you. (How's THAT for a freight-train sentence, teach???) TIME... Look at the time we've shared in the International Vietnam Veterans EchoConference and you'll miss the names that once used to be here, that once used to take an active, active part in sharing, advising, and just talkin'. You'll also see many of us who were originally here - many of us who know that all we need to is take the time to LISTEN and to help where we can, and we can put UNITY in our veteran commUNITY... You'll see a WELCOME HOME to our brothers and sisters who've just discovered us ... and a chance to grow -- past the yesterdays that caused so much pain; past the yesterdays where "loneliness" was the Order of the Day; past the yesterdays when you couldn't find the true friends, the ones who KNEW that when ya screwed up, the job wasn't permanent... THIS Memorial Day, after you've taken the time to solemnly remember those who paid the "ultimate price" for the freedom we today enjoy; after you remember the prices YOU'VE paid; after you've taken time to watch or take part in your local parades and listen to all the public speakers, take a little TIME to remember the 16 or 17 year old orphan whose father died of intestinal cancer after being sprayed with Agent Orange in 'Nam (and whose family received/receives NO benefits from Uncle Sam) who said to your Managing Editor: "My father didn't fight in the war. He was a cook."; Take a little TIME to remember your unemployed or underemployed, your homeless, your incarcerated; your neighbor brother an' sister veterans and their families; a little TIME to remember that loving partner who shares your hopes and dreams... and, for those of you who have children, TIME to remember that YOU - what you've done and will do - will be part of the Memorial Days NamVet Special Edition Page 87 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 in THEIR future... After all... isn't that what Memorial Day is all about - TIME? 'til Next Month Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 88 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 TDY: Faith n' Footprints NamVet 4-6 June 17, 1990 "Footprints" I remember the poem. Saw it the first time when I was battlin' for custody of the children of my first marriage. It came at a time I sorely needed it. "Footprints" - a poem that sorta goes like: "Hey Lord! Ya said you'd ALWAYS be with me! I had a dream the other night. You and I were walking along the beach. Suddenly scenes of my past life flashed across the sky. For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand - one belonged to me and the others were yours. When the last scenes of my life flashed by, I noticed that during the roughest, toughest times along my pathway of life, there was only ONE set of footprints. You said you'd ALWAYS walk with me! Why was there only ONE set? 'My precious, precious child,' said the Lord. 'When you noticed only ONE set of footprints, it was THEN that 'I' carried you." "Footprints" Many times in MY life, the ones in the sand sure weren't mine - even though it was MY life's path I was lookin' at... Many of you out here in "NamVet-world" know that I've been sorta beset by one crisis situation after another for the past few months. THIS month, I've been HAMMERED by 'em... One rainy, thunderstorm-type night I shut off VETLink #1 to protect it from any static electricity. When I turned it back on, it wouldn't come on. 1 motherboard; 1 power supply; 1 multi-I/O board; lotta disk reformatting/backing up and a lot of hours and VETLink #1 was back on-line and limping along... The "Footprints" then looked a little like Lefty's... and a little further on down the path, they look like they've been added to by a fellow vet named Randy when it came to getting our original hard disk put back in operating order... (Boy! You guys gots BIG feet!!!) Job after job I've applied for. Job after job I've interviewed for. And job after job, I've received letters that stated "Your qualifications are impressive. A person with your talents will do well. However..." "Footprints" - they really weren't mine then either. The US Postal Service, after all our concentrated efforts to finally find this disabled vet a job (ME), advised me that even if I were allowed to take the exam for a postal custodian, there's still a lifting requirement (ya MUST be able to lift continuously 70-75lbs). The VA says I can't lift more than 5-15 lbs. The Postal Service said they'd have to disqualify me for that job. ("But that'll be GOOD for your wife," they said. "Then SHE can have your ten-points veterans' preference!") "Footprints" - Lord I KNOW ya got a reason for all this... In our December, 1989 CONCENTRATED SERVICE section I input the basic situation concerning the house/home of my family and I. In today's (6/17/90) local paper there appeared an advertisement notifying our local community of a public auction of our house/home on 22 June 90. NamVet Special Edition Page 89 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 "Footprints" - At first I saw two sets of 'em, mine and the God I sincerely believe in. One set seems to be fading away just now... Moderating the IVVEC... takes a special energy; a long, long look at wisdom and constant thinking about "What's GOOD for the echo" ... Even with many not-positive comments, IVVEC managed to right itself and find the direction in which it was originally sent: To BE that haven, resting place for all vets and their close friends. I've discovered that a LOT of "moderating" can be done by "sitting and watching, letting the 'quiet' voices speak out - and they've done well.. "Footprints" - There are some real good ones in IVVEC... I've seen so many of you logging on to VETLink #1 and looking for this month's NamVet. There have been 52 file requests for it. All have resulted in "File Not Found" messages - or "BAD_REQUEST.TXT" ... Our Chief Emeritus (Retired Chief) has been resurrected and is typin' his fingers to the bone to get this issue out. "Footprints" - Now Todd's join the crowd... Oh my! The whole beach is filled with nothing but footprints!!! NamVet... IVVEC... the VetNet echoes... help with broken computers and software puzzles.... help with broken hard disks... help with it all... I'm GLAD there's so many footprints out here... "Footprints" of the toughest, most persistent and determined veterans in ALL of American history..." I'm GLAD too, that one of 'em MIGHT be mine... but for now, when I NEED it most, I think I'm being carried. Thanx guys n' gals... really THANX!!! I HOPE I'll still be around for next month's issue..... but that is in hands much more powerful than mine. I'll give it MY best shot - and my family and I ARE tryin' our best... 'til Next Month Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 90 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Down for the count? NamVet 4-7 July 15, 1990 We've survived another month! I know this issue is a tad late (arghhhh!!! - thinkin' already about the NEXT one) - and I hope our August issue can come out at or near on-time. There's just been a LOT happening up here! I just went through a terrible - yet happy - experience that I'd like to share with you... It may SEEM a tad off-topic from our normal vet-related stuff but, from speaking with many of you VOICE or chatting with you on the VETLink #1, I know the experience might just be a commonly-shared one. Just prior to when our last issue came off the presses, I received a telephone call from the attorney who's handling our very, very tough financial situation. I was told that before he could go ANY further with saving our house, I MUST have a job and MUST be bringing in an income (other than my VA Disability). Talked to a friend of mine and was given the needed position, whereupon I called the attorney back and promptly informed him that I DID have a job. THEN, I called my friend back to ask him when I'd start and was informed that he'd made a mistake and that his payroll just would not allow his taking on ANYONE at this time. Devastated, I wanted to call the attorney back and tell him what had happened with the job but, realizing that if I DID it would mean instant death-knell for our house/home, I kept busy pounding the pavements; my friend said that, technically, I DID have a job and that I was just laid off; filling out job application after job application; calling back those that I had already seen/spoken to about employment. Net result was still Zero! Fear of fear: The attorney eventually called and wanted to get the final paperwork done! The LAST thing I wanted to tell him was that I DIDN'T have a job! The night before my appointment with him, I didn't sleep at all. "What to do... What to do? I don't deliberately tell untruths and the attorney will think that that's what I've done. Oh no! What are my family and I gonna do? Where are we gonna go NOW? If I left my family, at least welfare would be able to care for 'em..." I morbidly remembered my drill sergeant's words: "Second place is a body bag..." I found out that "facing your fears" - no matter WHAT they are, sometimes prove's beneficial! At the appointed time, I went to the attorney's office - FEAR for my family and myself making it difficult to swallow. I was just gonna tell him the truth - explain to him EXACTLY what had happened and take the consequences, whatever they were. But I also did something else: I brought my resume with me - and asked the attorney, too, for work. I'm really pleased with the results! Although the attorney didn't have any openings that I could presently fill, he did take a good, critical look at my resume - made some suggestions about how to change it and also suggested that I remove my beard NamVet Special Edition Page 91 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 and THEN give it another try ("If ya don't have a job by THIS Friday, Joe, there's just absolutely nothing at all that I can do to help."). We also called a couple of the people that I'd previously called concerning employment and set up interviews for the following day. I went home, took out the beard trimmer and trimmed right down to bare skin! Sat up half the night making changes to my resume. Next day, clean-shaven and suited in business-world cammies (also known as "a suit" ), I went to the interviews. Came home with TWO jobs - one in a supermarket, another in a department store!!! Even interviewed for another one in the evening - and have been spending a LOT of time now going to other ones! I start one of landed-jobs this Saturday (7/14/90) and the other I begin next Thursday (7/19/90). If everything continues on the path-now-started, it looks like I'll still be here for some time to come (and hopefully begin getting these things out ON TIME again!!!).. I know this should be in our CONCENTRATED SERVICE section but for this month, knowing how many of you called and left messages on VETLink #1 (and telephoned VOICE), I really decided to combine both my editorial and our Service report into one. Our issue is big this month, too. 12 July 90 Postscript: Georgia (my wife), got off work a little late - came out of her place of employment in her regular clothes rather than the workplace uniform. Said somethin' like "Remember that place on the way home that was advertising for help? Let's stop there on the way home - before I start crying. I got laid off." ... and our appointment with the attorney is 1100hrs., Friday the Thirteenth. And I thought I had mountains to climb before! Til next month... Show a brother or sister veteran That YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 92 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Another Frontier??? NamVet 4-8 August 20, 1990 Glued to CNN (tm), watching every newscast I can so as to keep abreast of happenings that involve my son - and the sons of many of you out there, I couldn't help but be reminded of the letter I had written to Past First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy just days before I enlisted in the US Army. The punctuation isn't like I'd do it today, nor the phraseology, but, shux... here it is... Then, as well as now, I continue to try giving my best!!! 19 Hillandale Avenue North White Plains, New York June 30, 1964 Mrs. Jacqueline Kennedy Washington, D.C. Dearest Mrs. Kennedy I am a young man, soon to be 20, now living in New York. Since your husband's death last November, great feelings have been aroused in myself and now seems to be the proper time to share them with you and your family. If, in the words to follow, I cause you pain or have you look sadly into the past, please find it in your heart to forgive me, because all that I will write is written with only good, clean intentions and with the hope that you will remember me, my letter, and your husband, and smile when you think of them. I can remember, Mrs. Kennedy, when I lived in Los Angeles, California with my 5 younger brothers and sisters and my parents, how my sisters and I would drive around with Kennedy stickers on the bumper of our car. Driving through town, we would come across other cars, adorned in the same manner, and we would blow our horn and cheer for your husband, our president and leader, Mr. Kennedy. Soon we would have a parade started and all through town we would go. Horns blowing, cheering people and everywhere, smiling confident faces. I remember, too, on election night, how we stayed up and watched the returns come in. It was like New Years Eve when your husband won. Fireworks went off, again horns blew, and my family went outside and banged pots and pans, we were so happy. I can remember also that whenever our president appeared on television or came on the radio, how all my buddies and friends would give almost their undivided attention when he spoke. A lot of us got goose bumps. But, no matter what we got, we were always ready to follow him. He was one of us. Young, vigorous and setting an example the rest of the world will find hard to duplicate. And then, Mrs. Kennedy, we lost him. Your husband, the children's daddy, and our president was gone. But in body only, for I feel he still lingers in Spirit. He gave to us, the Young Americans, one of the greatest gifts anybody could ever give, the gift of knowing what you want. NamVet Special Edition Page 93 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 We discovered then, and we miss him now, our greatest of all leaders, who picked up the loose ends of our great nation and tied us into one of the finest nations in the world. So you see, Mrs. Kennedy, how a lot of us feel about our late President - and how we will continue to feel. We loved him and we love his memory as much. But we can't just sit and mourn, nor can we just WISH that another like him "will come along." I feel we should do something about it. We shouldn't just wait, hoping. We should use the quality your husband instilled in us to full advantage - the ability to lead! We're young and we have every chance in the world of succeeding in whatever we tackle. I only wish my Heavenly Father would instill in me the desire to become president, to sacrifice so that I, while I'm still young, could take charge where your husband had to leave off - to mold our nation into one of beauty and to lead it with a strong and firm hand. My future, as does thousands of others like myself, lies ahead - unseen, unused. I pray that we'll be able to use it unselfishly, and intelligently. And, if we do, someday - believe me - we will have another JOHN F. KENNEDY! Thank you for taking time to read this letter and for being as sweet as you are. A Nation's best wishes, I'm sure, come with it. Very, very truly yours, George Joseph Peck I'm not sorry for holding on to words spoken by John F. Kennedy in, I believe, his inaugural speech... something about a New Frontier... about "Let every Nation know that... we will go any place, pay any price... in order that Freedom may prevail"! The Iraq situation... a real test of the New Frontier that you and I and so many others heard much about, a real test of how WELL we've passed on to OUR children the hopes, the dreams, the positive beliefs in our country. This month's issue is SHORT... there were not too many submissions by our participants or contributors - and I just didn't have time to input another 75k worth of reading material. I'd LIKE to see our issues continue in the 75-100 page per month range, but if we don't get submissions, there's just not too much I can do to help fill it out. This month's SERVICE section has been filled with ACTION - too much to write about NOW, but I'll try to get in a report for next month (it IS important, though, to note that there STILL has been NO response nor reply from the Disabled American Veterans related to a 1/1/90 service request to both the National Commander and the Massachusetts State Commander of DAV!). 'Til Next Month... Show a brother and sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 94 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 NamVet Special Edition Page 95 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 The Wheel Goes Around... NamVet 4-9 September 13, 1990 A family emergency called me away at the beginning of September... Ex-wife was finding the goin' a bit tough what with our 15-goin' on-35-year-old daughter who struggled daily for her sense of independence... And my son... In the Active Reserves, my son was anticipating a call "at any moment" to be called up to go to Saudi Arabia. He talked a lot about "smokin' some camels" and doin' somethin' to desert people. Sheesh... I've been THERE before... [fade to 1964]... Join the service? Hmmm... The GI Bill seemed to help my father and mother a bit, seemed to help a few others I knew pay for their education, home loans, and delivery of their children. Military Service? Sounds like a GREAT opportunity! Just think... I'll get training, three squares, a roof over m' head, and there's no place to go but forward! Paul kept telling me about the tremendous heat when the plane door opened in 'Nam. "It'll take your breath away, Joe!" No problem, though, I was now a soldier. Been taught by the best... I'll be catchin' up to ya, Paul... Just wait, bro' - gotta finish Basic and AIT first. Then I'll be there. Interesting "coincidence": The motto of my Basic Training Unit (G-Company, 3rd Training Regt, Fort Dix, NJ) was "Golf Company goes FORWARD!!!" Dreams... Anticipation... "I can be anything I work hard enough to be!" Turned down from-the-ranks nomination to West Point. Wanted to see MORE before I made a decision which would involve the rest of my life. OCS instead... But FIRST must attend NCO school. Was to start on 15 Mar 65... volunteered (ahhh THAT word again!) for mission 13 Mar 65... Learned REAL quick that all the dreams, all the anticipation, all the goals, can be ended in a split second. End result: Honorable discharge (after near-four month stay in Army hospitals). Paul's name is on the Wall. His hard work, dreams, and whatever HE looked forward to ended in a split-second in 'Nam... where I never got to follow... [fade to early-September, 1990] "You're an awful lot like me, Son... Same MOS when you've finished your Basic and AIT; same drive to do the best you can for your country. Bet tears even come to YOUR eyes when you're standin' in formation and "God Bless America" comes over the PA System. You, too, son, have that DRIVE to make somethin' out of yourself and what you do. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of YOU for doin' what I've already tried to do... I've got this real dichotomy of feelings right now, though. On the one hand, I want you to not put your life in places where it can quickly be snuffed out - along with all the hopes and dreams of your mother and I and yourself. On the other hand, Son, I want you stand proudly for what you believe in - to defend your beliefs against attack by any person or country. I'm proud that you believe in America and what it stands for. NamVet Special Edition Page 96 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 But, ya know, Son... I really know that you're doin' what YOU think is right - and that's JUST the way we've tried to raise you: to stand up STRONG for what you believe in, to make the best out of ANY situation, and to come out of it all a winner! Ya make this vet PROUD! [fade to present] Well... I've returned to VETLink #1 and doin' the NamVet's. Difficult situations in Florida seem to be well in-hand and we're movin' right along up here. As you can see by Todd's editorial, the "torch has passed" to us and to a different effort for NamVet and IVVEC. Amazin' the parallels... I got a "real-life" sample of it while I was away in Tampa, FL for two weeks! It's totally up to US now, folks... We NEED your submissions for future NamVet's and our various section editors (who do one heck of a 5-by-5 job!) need input from you! 'til next month Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 97 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 An Electronic Vet Center Becomes A Reality NamVet 4-10 October 15, 1990 To quote someone who possessed courage, dedication, and commitment I still continue to admire: "Some men dream dreams and say 'Why!' 'I' dreams dreams and say 'WHY NOT!'" And "WHY NOT!" an electronic veteran center to better serve YOU, your dependents and close others. As founder and President of Berkshire Veterans Center, Inc., and as one who has been close to many of you for quite a number of years, I proudly announce the reality of all that we have been working on: An Electronic Vet Center. The proper forms have been filed with the IRS (IRS-folks are not ALL boogey-men ), an official corporate seal has been obtained, and a very low-balance checking account in the corporation's name has been opened. We've only just begun, folks. We need YOUR help and YOUR contributions to help us continue. Here's what we've done, do, and hope to do : Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. was initially created to meet the needs of Berkshire County, MA Vietnam and other veterans as well as their family and friends through the operation(s) of a storefront-type Vet Center. Adequate, timely, funding to provide the quality and type of services envisioned in its original corporate charter did not materialize and the corporation, after assuring that Vet Center services would be available for local veterans, then concentrated its efforts on grass-root veteran service and the linking together throughout the nation of veterans, their dependents and others desiring veteran service and/or information. Via its computer-based bulletin board service, VETLink #1, the corporation began its pioneer efforts at bringing veteran-related services to the homes of deaf, blind, housebound/homebound disabled veterans and their close others. In March, 1987 the corporation commenced providing on-line camaraderie, support, guidance in completing claims for VA Medical, Educational, Burial, Dependency benefits, Agent Orange Exposure claims and medical testing, Employment searches and help for the homeless through the sponsorship of the International Vietnam Veterans Echo Conference (IVVEC) for the computer using general public. The corporation, through its nationally placed members, continues to provide 24-hour-per-day, seven-day-per-week coverage of the IVVEC, alert to aid and/or assist any veteran and/or his/her immediate family in the event of any crisis. In addition to the heretofore mentioned areas of service, the corporation, on 11 November 87, co-developed and co-produced NAMVET - an electronic publication which aids in readjustment situations, coming to terms with life beyond the military, educating others from the experiences of Vietnam veterans, and generally strives to promote unity within the veteran community. Published monthly, NAMVET is distributed through a network of electronic bulletin board systems (BBS's) and is also made available in hard-copy form to various educational and penal NamVet Special Edition Page 98 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 institutions throughout the U.S., Canada and Australia. Presently, the corporation is concentrating its efforts towards developing its computer-based bulletin board service to include the capability of offering veteran-related items, to INCLUDE books, patches, hats, bumper stickers and other memorabilia, and to EXCLUDE any form of weaponry or arms for sale to its users. Additionally, separate sections of the computer-based bulletin board service, VETLink #1, will be allocated to accepting on-line membership applications for various local and national veteran organizations and groups. User/Member orders and membership applications shall be processed upon receipt of funds and/or chargecard authorization from the user/member to the home office of the corporation. The corporation is also presently developing a membership maintenance system which will allow authorized members of a veteran group to access, enter, maintain, produce mailing lists, labels and manipulate data concerning their respective members. Authorized in May, 1986, by the Veterans Administration in Washington, D.C. to reproduce, in computer form, any and all of the VA Claim and other forms in the public domain, the corporation shall endeavor to receive federal accreditation of its representatives authorizing them to act in and on a veteran or dependent's behalf in matters before the Veterans Administration for consideration. The future activities of the corporation include refinement and streamlining of the above-mentioned activities, continued production of NAMVET, and the development of personnel and methodology which will allow other Vet Centers and Veteran Groups to provide the same or similar services to veterans and others in their respective areas; the installation of a facsimile machine for rapid transmission of important documentation; multiline operation of VETLink #1; laser printing of NAMVET and other veteran-related information for distribution to incarcerated, hospitalized, house/homebound disabled veterans and to various educational and informational institutions and facilities. Wherever and whenever possible, as an adjunct to its self- sustaining, self-perpetuating methods of providing assistance, support and camaraderie to disabled and needy war veterans and members of the U.S. Armed Forces and their dependents, and the widows and orphans of deceased veterans, the corporation will seek grants and other funding in order to continue providing benefit information, care and assistance with a patriotic orientation which was EARNED by virtue of service in the United Sates Armed Forces. Want to help? We'd sure appreciate it! We kinda need EVERYTHING! Older computers and computer-related parts (boards, hd's, floppy drives - 3-1/2 & 5-1/4, printers, etc) will help us keep going what we've begun. Fund$ help, too Please send your contributions to: Fund Raising Department Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. NamVet Special Edition Page 99 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Post Office Box 2056 Pittsfield, MA 01202 Maybe not today; maybe not tomorrow; but sometime a housebound or homebound veteran or his family will benefit from your help today. 'til next month Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 100 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Sign it in blood! We did! NamVet 4-11 November 10, 1990 It's been a busy, busy month here in the northeast! With a severe shortage of funds, our Governor was forced to look at some areas where cuts in funding would have to be made. The "cuts" in funding were to have eliminated ten of the eleven Veteran Outreach Centers in our state and closed two state-funded soldiers' homes. Word quickly spread from veteran organization-to-veteran organization and soon plans for a rally were being drawn up and put into place. Initially, from our home here in Pittsfield, MA, it was to have cost the individual wishing to attend $20 but, the week before the rally we were all informed that The American Legion would foot the bill for transportation costs (THANK YOU, American Legion!). Upon arrival at Boston Common, veterans in uniform and civilian dress from throughout the state were forming up as bus after bus emptied. According to newspaper reports, eight thousand veterans attended - but it sure LOOKED like more ('course, after the first 5000, guess they'd all tend to blend into the crowd anyways!) It *WAS* a spectacular sight! When we formed up and began our march up to the Statehouse (State Capital Building), the entire street was filled, curb-to-curb, with veterans! Physically able veterans; veterans walking with canes; veterans in wheelchairs either wheeling themselves or brother/sister veterans behind them pushing. The American Legion band led the way, and the colors from the varied units immediately followed. A *STRONG* show of unity ... and it continued. It continued as speaker after speaker took the podium and stated in no uncertain terms the "unwritten" guarantees that America gives each of her soldiers as they pledge their service and allegiance; stated in no uncertain terms the determination to see that this country and this state (Massachusetts) NOT renege on its promises and pledges; stated in no uncertain terms the good that *HAS* been done for veterans by the meager funding already in place and how devastating it would be were that funding to cease. Then, as 8000+ veterans stood in near-formation near the Statehouse steps, suddenly there came before the crowd those men who were candidates for our upcoming political elections and each, in turn began speaking to us. In my humble opinion, it was *TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE* to turn our veterans' rally into a political meeting. Where a few moments before we were being told about the needs and necessities of our brother and sister veterans and how they *WERE* being served at the Veteran Outreach Centers and how the homeless *WERE* being helped - although meagerly - by the states' Homeless veteran coordinator, we quickly found ourselves listening to campaign promises after campaign promise. Although equal time *was* given to each candidate, I personally felt that *NONE* of 'em should have been invited or allowed to speak! They *SHOULD* have just stayed by the sidelines and *LISTENED* to the *NEEDS* of the veterans of our state - *NOT* make campaign promises to win our votes or to an audience that, for the most part, had been severely damaged by promises and actions of past politicians! Hearing the "campaign promises" of William Weld to "NOT close any Veteran Outreach Center, NOT close any Soldiers' Home, to make SURE that the Commissioner of Veterans' Affairs would BE a veteran, to continue efforts in solving the Homeless situation, I could not help but SHOUT: "SIGN IT IN BLOOD! WE DID!" (Yup... I NamVet Special Edition Page 101 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 left some of MY blood on a highway in Dawn, Virginia - and many of you out here left some of theirs in 'Nam, Korea, and so many other places where FREEDOM is constantly guarded!). Election night... and William Weld became the new governor of Massachusetts. I thought about William Weld and some of the things I've come to learn about him... A non-veteran who attended college, MIGHT have taken some ROTC classes while there, but did not serve in the military. HOW is he - how CAN he understand the real needs of the veteran population? By osmosis? By members of his administration telling him "THIS is a real need of the veteran community and you should DO something about it?" Then I remembered the statement I'd shouted during the rally. "SIGN IT IN BLOOD! WE DID!" Just because you and I and many other veterans "signed" our commitment to America with our blood doesn't always mean that we have the right to demand the same price of our fellow countrymen or that we should look to them for some equally-strong measure of THEIR commitment before we take them seriously. It is up to YOU and ME and ALL OF US to show, by the intensity and determination of OUR actions, not just our words, how deeply committed we are to those principles for which we placed our lives on-the-line! It is up to YOU and ME and ALL OF US who valued those prices we paid to continue leading, continue persisting, and continue teaching those who follow us - rather than standing on the sidelines, demanding that others prove to us the level of THEIR commitment and dedication, doing nothing but watching. A couple of days ago I sent Governor-elect Weld a letter in which I took responsibility for being the person who shouted the slogan which caused a little disruption in his presentation. I reminded him of his campaign "promises" and that many veterans are expecting him to keep them. Of course, I closed the letter with an offer to help him and his administration see to it that he keeps his promises. There's a tear or two in m' eyes as I write this final part of this month's editorial: Sign it in blood? Two of my three sons are now in the service. Neither is in Saudi Arabia - YET. But they're in the military, doin' a job I once used to do, doin' a job YOU and others used to do. Sign it in blood? I think many of us have signed our commitment to America with more than our own blood - its now our sons and daughters who follow in footprints we've left for them. They'll come back to a country you and I have 'stayed the course' for; that you and I, dedicated, committed, and determined, have continuously tried to make better. Sign it in blood? You're darned right I did - I have - and I will!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 102 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 'til next month ('er our Anniversary Issue) Show a brother or sister veteran That YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 103 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 W W M M W W M M M M W W \ / M M M M OOOO W W W --*-- M M M IIII O O W W W W / \ M M II O O W W W W M M II O O W W M M II O O II PPPPPP O O ..... II AA PP PP OOOO . '' '' .. IIII A A PP PP ..' '.. A A PPPPPPP ..' ''. A A PP ..' '. AAAAAA PP .' ''. A A PP .' '. A A .' .:::::.. '. .' .::::::::::. ' .' .::::::::::::::. '. .' __ .::::::::::::::::;:... '. .' _- -_ .:::::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' _-_ _ _ -_ ::::::::::::::::::::::::' '. .. _- -!!___!!!-_:::::::::::::::::::::::. .. .' ==_ _- _= .:::::::::::::::::::::::: ', . =-_= _= = :::::::::::::::::::::::: . .' =-_ =_- = ::::::::::::::::::::::: '. .' = - -_ =_:::::::::::::::::::::. '. .' -_ -_- .:::::::::::::::::::;;;. '. .' _-_ ..::::::::::::::::::::::::; '. . _ _ .:;:::::::::::::::::::::;, . ' _ .:::::::::::::::::::::::::. '. Y .'.....::::::::::::::::::::::::::;' '. N ::::::::::::::::::::::::' `''' ': O `::::::::::::::::::::::: \v/ \ / :'E `:::::::::::::::::::::: =========================== :' U `:::::::::::::::::::::. /^\ \ :'T `:::::::::::::::::::: .: A `:::::::::::::::::: .:'T `::::::::::::::::::. .;' R `:::::::::::::::::. .;' T `::::::::::::::::. .;' E `:::::::::gjp::: .:' O `:::::::::::::...........'' G N O T F O R " Bring them home --- NOW !!! " NamVet Special Edition Page 104 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Talk about goin' into a tailspin!!! NamVet 4-12 December 14, 1990 Hiya NamVet brothers n' sisters! FINALLY, after retrofitting all of the other articles you'll be seeing in this month's issue, I've got a chance to sit down and write something from ME to YOU. I don't know HOW I made it this month (we're only four days late but, to me, that's like four decades late!). The past few months here have been difficult at best. On the verge of losing our house/home for over a year now, seems one positive thing after another kept happening and happening - just positive enough to keep us here, not positive enough to help us make any progress, except in an area that is dear to MY heart: veterans and veteran service. The clock was strikin' the 23rd hour, 59th minute, 59th second when a very dear friend said "No problem, Joe. Ya need help? How much do ya need?" I tol' him, he offered me work to pay it off - and wrote out a check for the amount we needed to re-finance the second mortgage. NOW all we gotta work on is the FIRST mortgage and the other bills... And that was the BEGINNING of a warp-drive change to this veterans self-image and self-esteem! Seems that the very next morning one of the temporary services I'm registered with called with employment for me - in a legal firm helpin' with letter writing and legal form preparation. First day on the job I felt like I'd been there a l-o-n-g time... have some great "firing line" experience doin' battle with federal and state bureaucracies... Where before I was comin' in to work in jeans and casual shirts now it's State Capitol cammy-type: suit & tie ... and it DOES something to what I've been starting to believe about this guy who'd applied for job-after-job only to discover the many reasons others had for denying very-needed employment. And now some "Are you interested in X position" letters are beginnin' to come in from the Post Office... finally. With 'nuff persistence and determination, I suppose, a body CAN find decent employment where s/he's got the SECURITY account paid first. But, with all the SECURITY "I've" known since my Army days, I've learned that it isn't SECURITY that I really want - its gettin' out here in the BBS world and blazin' new trails for veterans who NEED service, veterans who NEED to find someone else at the end of the line when the shadows are about beatin' 'em down... showin' and sharin' the UNITY in our veteran commUNITY! Many of ya were here "way back when" Todd and I used to carry on our conversations about "keep on keepin' on" and things WILL happen. Many of ya have talked with me VOICE and TRIED to tell me that "Hey... ya gotta keep the wolf away from the door!" I remember too, the many who said "Joe, you're digging a grave for yourself and your family! Get out an' get a job, pick up aluminum cans, do dishes... ANYTHING!" "I'm not digging a grave - I'm building a solid foundation! NamVet Special Edition Page 105 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 PLUS - I'm writing about what I'm doin' and sharin' it with my brother n' sister veterans. Somewhere, someplace, somehow - somebody ELSE will see what I see in serving our veteran community via computer; somebody ELSE will see the value in providing on- line veteran camaraderie, help and support to housebound and homebound veterans - veterans who sometimes don't see beyond the four walls of their rooms for days, weeks and months; somebody ELSE will see, REALLY SEE, the help, the caring, the concern that daily goes on throughout all of the US and the world through a veteran-oriented BBS." "Digging a grave? I don't think so. We're gettin' the tee's crossed, and the eye's dotted." Yeah... I can SEE the change in a self-image... WOW! Can I really see it! Amazin' what "having a job" does for ya! It puts a LOT of meaning behind: HAVE A TERRIFIC HOLIDAY SEASON!!!! Merry Christmas Happy Hannukah and the best of all New Year's to each 'n every one of ya!!! 'til next month... Show a brother/sister veteran That YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 106 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 This is NOT "de ja vu"! NamVet 5-1 January 21, 1991 I don't see reenactment of the military draft on the immediate horizon. I haven't yet heard the word "DEROS" when members of my family or yours have been assigned to areas of the Persian Gulf. Squadrons, Companies, Fleets and Brigades are going as a UNIT and not as piecemeal replacements for others whose tour of duty has ended. Each is allowed to do his or her BEST. I don't see the thousands and thousands of protestors lining the streets as I did in the mid-to-late sixties. And, within hours after I heard the words "The Liberation of Kuwait has begun" I heard your President and mine say: "This will NOT be another Vietnam! We will not tie our troops hands behind their backs." I know that for many of you, the bombings and battle scenes we too-often see on CNN and other network news stations bring back memories that hurt sometimes beyond description. I share with you that pain and, as with many of you, that longing to get out there in the front lines and serve our best. Telephone calls to the local recruiting stations too-painfully reveal that "age" has caught up with me and I'm told "You're a little beyond the maximum age" )... What CAN we do and HOW can we serve now? Its a question that continuously intrudes upon my thoughts - especially when I'm listening to the news or thinking about my sons, my brother now in Dehrahn, my relatives now in-service. WHAT will help them the most - both now and in their future? As many of you know, we've worked hard over the past few years trying our best to build VIETNAM_VETS and NAMVET into areas where veterans from all era's can derive the services and information they need WHEN they need it. In VIETNAM_VETS we've talked about having parades for all our returning troops, about writing letters TO ANY SERVICEPERSON, about sending cookies and other mementos of home. We've also talked about paving the way NOW for those who return by doin' our best to insure that the services they will NEED are there for them WHEN THEY NEED IT. I'm including in this issue a listing of Vet Centers as published in Ralph Roberts book: "The Veterans Guide To Benefits." (ISBN 0-451-16017-7) In upcoming months, I'd like to ask each of you to post in the VIETNAM_VETS echo the name, address and contact person of any Veteran Service Agency or group near you. We'll be collecting and amassing a list at VETLink #1 for any and all who are interested. What about NOW? What can we do? Many of us, I know, are finding it extremely difficult to look beyond the sometimes- traumatic events of our pasts and the long, long, painfully-long road we've travelled from isolation and rejection to acceptance and respect. The road has, for some of us, been unfairly long and seemingly never-ending. As I've seen in VIETNAM_VETS, some of us are having a very tough time sleeping at night and thinking beyond the jungles, valleys and paths of yesterday. We MUST, though, do our best to grow beyond what has held US back for so many years. One of those ways is helping NOW - helping a soldier's family provide the food and housing they need, doing what WE can to help NamVet Special Edition Page 107 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 carry the burden all those young (and not-so-young) families must now bear. Here at VETLink #1, we're also working to help in a massive communications project involving political, military and civilian personnel which holds the potential for involving and linking veterans, their dependents and concerned others. As we've discovered, SERVICE seems to run in more than one direction. Our troops in the Persian Gulf NEED to hear from us, NEED to hear our support and faith in them, NEED to know we believe in them. Family members here in the U.S. NEED to communicate with our troops, NEED to give and share their support and faith, NEED to have contact with our new veterans. What WILL help our returning veterans the MOST, I feel, will be OUR acceptance of them, OUR inclusion of them into OUR family, OUR taking the time to listen to THEM - and helping where we can, sharing things that soldiers know well. For a last-minute update on what we've all endured, Craig Roberts has very graciously contributed a very helpful article concerning the Post-Traumatic Stress many of us have endured. I've got to get this NamVet out to the many of you who have so long waited for it. My apologies that it IS late, but, as with so many of you, there has been a lot taking up any of my SPARE time... 'Til next month Show a brother or sister veteran That YOU care!!! NamVet Special Edition Page 108 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Vested Interest NamVet 5-2 February 28, 1991 Well folks, looks like I just barely made it in time for the February issue. So MUCH has been happening and to tell you the truth, I've been sort of overwhelmed. This month's NamVet may not have all that you expected but we hope that its informative to you, your children and others. Joyce Flory has done a TERRIFIC job of inputting all the names and addresses of Federal veteran service agencies. We've received NamVet contributions from many new areas of the country (Hiya Chick!). We've seen a tremendous increase in interest in communicating with and/or about Operation Desert Storm - from sending messages via computer to discussing operational strategies and the merit of any initiatives on OUR part. I've noticed that a lot of the focus in our VIETNAM_VETS echo has quite naturally surrounded Operation Desert Storm. As I'm writing this, Kuwait has finally been liberated, CNN and many major networks show film clip after film clip revealing how thankful and grateful the people are. Stormin' Norman has done a super-effective job and I am among those many who say to him: "Well done, Sir... WELL DONE!!!" Somehow though, in all the pictures of grateful people and news briefings and celebrations, I felt sadness and a little bit of depression. I feel like we've missed something. How many of my Vietnam veteran brothers and sisters would have enjoyed being at the center of throngs of cheering, happy people? How many of them have struggled all these years just to survive, just to be considered "equal" to veterans of prior wars - or, as in many cases, to the non-veteran? How many of them, even today, still experience difficulty in obtaining housing and gainful employment? How about caring and concerned medical treatment from the VA? The first of seven children, as I was growing up I often noticed that my younger brothers and sisters often did things that I had not been allowed to, often got what they asked for WHEN they asked for it and frequently experienced a lot more freedom in their actions. I guess that was because I was the "prototype model" for my parents and after they'd learned on/with me, they could more freely parent my siblings. With what you and I and so many other Vietnam veterans have experienced (the "prototype model" for recent-memory Mother America ), I kind of hope that our Desert Storm brothers n' sisters will find THEIR way easier and will experience the gratitude of a grateful nation. I kind of hope, too, that we are each aware of a normal and natural "sibling rivalry" that can, and oftentimes will, take place as we view the Welcome Home parades and other outpourings of thankfulness and pride. Let us, above all else, remember that we ARE the brothers and sisters of all the Operation Desert Storm veterans - and let us be focussed towards helping make THEIR way a LOT easier than WE found it. Our Service Department experienced the loss of a very dedicated, helpful, and committed U.S. Congressman, Silvio O. Conte. His efforts were extremely helpful in providing needed and necessary services to our veterans and their families. The Congressman's NamVet Special Edition Page 109 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 funeral was an experience in how FAST security in a city can be established! U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle, Tip O'Neil and many others attended. CHAPLAIN's Department: Guest Chaplains - Where Are You??? AGENT ORANGE: We need another Agent Orange Section Editor!!! MIA/POW: We need another MIA/POW Section Editor!!! We have added another echo to our VetNet echoes: HOSP_VETS. Joan Renne, long active in veteran affairs and long a very welcome participant in the VIETNAM_VETS echo - as well as a contributor of some very well written articles for NamVet, would like to see this echo grow and possibly find its way into many VA hospitals and other veteran help facilities. Here at VETLink #1, we'll help all we can - its an echo that can prove to be VERY helpful to the veteran seeking treatment and/or his dependents. Speaking of VETLink #1... Thanks to the very welcome help and equipment donation of Ray "Frenchy" Moreau, SysOp of VETLink #2, we are just a half-step away from making our on-line Veterans' Mall a very active part of a service dedicated and committed to veterans and the issues that concern them. Easy-to-use and fast, the efforts of VETLink #1 were recently complimented by countless hours of technical advice and assistance provided by Mike Bryeans, SysOp of VETLink #3 as we added a Veterans' Benefit Section. We will soon be in the process of adding section(s) where YOU can obtain veteran information concerning YOUR state at the press of a key. I think that's about it for now, folks. Best be getting this editorial done and start compiling this month's NamVet else you'll not see it until March ... 'til next month Show a brother or sister veteran that YOU care! NamVet Special Edition Page 110 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Without a miracle NamVet 5-3 March 14, 1991 43 editions; over 3000 pages; hours and hours of putting together text-only graphics, hoping that somewhere, somehow we'd be able to provide the information and outreach many of our veterans need. Hoping that each editorial would, like AT&T, reach out and touch you , I put a lot of my heart and soul into ALL of NamVet. I remember clearly the invitations from close friends and requests from my kids to go fishing which I declined because "I gotta do my editorial for NamVet" - "Have too many folk a waitin' for NamVet. Gotta get it out for 'em!" I remember, too, the super-great help of all our Section Editors and THEIR many phone calls; THEIR many hours of putting together articles and information, and THEIR efforts to continue the UNITY in our veteran commUNITY. Saying "Good-bye" isn't easy, folks... especially when its saying good-bye to something I love so dearly. But, unless a miracle happens, this MUST be the goodbye I've so long dreaded and hoped would never come. Many of you out in NamVetLand "told" me that I was digging a grave for myself as I continued in my efforts to provide a SERVICE that, I felt, all our veterans NEED: NamVet and our VIETNAM_VETS international echoconference. "Forget it, Joe. Leave it behind and do something more productive, more useful with your time." Of course, I ALWAYS responded: "Not so! I'm not digging a grave! I'm constructing one of the finest foundations for 24-hour-a-day, nation- even world-wide veteran service that you can imagine!" Second Mortgage on my house/home; hundreds of dollars of telephone bills annually, and utility bills now into the thousands didn't phase me. I kept doggedly persisting, KNOWING that what I've been doing IS important to at least one of you. 26 years ago today, 13 Mar 65, continuing in MY proud military service, I was thrown from an Army jeep (ya know: the M151). Everything then seemed to come crashing down. My abilities and capabilities all seemed to disappear. A few months later, wrongfully diagnosed, I was Honorably discharged from something else I loved dearly: the US Military. I never stopped serving, though - nor trying to rebuild what was lost in the accident. 18 and a half years later, after thorough VA testing and evaluation, the original diagnosis - made after nearly a month lapsing in and out of coma - of "Unsuitable - due to conditions pre-existing original enlistment" was finally corrected to state "a misdiagnosed post-traumatic confusional state and a mild form of temporal lobe epilepsy." - and the VA graciously allowed me to participate in a program of Vocational Rehabilitation. (Little did I realize that, after the education was completed, I would fall through other cracks in the system: "You're overqualified!"; "Sorry, Joe, but Gramm-Rudman-Hollings has eliminated your position here at the Veterans Administration"; "Sorry, Mr. Peck. The U.S. Post Office can't hire you. The VA says you're too disabled to be a Postal Carrier."; "What have you been doing the last few years, Mr. Peck? Aren't you a little old to be going to school?") With the reports of diagnosis/evaluation in-hand, I sought an NamVet Special Edition Page 111 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 attorney who would properly represent me before the ABCMR (Army Board of Correction of Military Records). He requested a $1500 retainer fee. I begged and borrowed (privately - NOT in the echo or through any veteran organization), took out a Student Loan and paid the attorney $750 of his requested retainer - the balance to be paid when I actually saw some positive results of his efforts. In over five years (diagnosis was corrected in 1983, attorney was hired in 1984), the attorney filed not even ONE affidavit in/on my behalf, gave me not even ONE positive indication that he was DOING anything in/on my behalf and, in 1990, I took his lack of actions before the Bar Association of the state in which he was initially licensed to practice law. The Board found that the attorney had done nothing wrong in doing nothing for five years - or in requesting a retainer for a case which, at the time, a fee in excess of $10 was not permitted ). In 1989, the bank who held the second mortgage on our house/home (the one I took out to help purchase our initial software and equipment) was going to foreclose and take possession of our premises. One of the alternatives I was presented with was declaring "Wage Earner's Bankruptcy" which would allow my family and I to keep our house/home and pay each creditor over a longer period of time. I continued my search for employment, hoping to have at least a WAGE in addition to my VA Disability Compensation that I could make payments with. I'm a firm believer in OPTIONS and ALTERNATIVES: If one doesn't work, try another and then another until, finally, something DOES. In 1983 I began my efforts to have a Vet Center established here in Pittsfield, MA. In 1984, after organizational and town meetings, Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. was formed - and officially registered with the Commonwealth of Massachusetts in January, 1985. In May of 1985, Pittsfield opened its Vet Center and Berkshire Veterans' Center took on a grassroots type of veteran service which continues even today. In 1987, after local and CompuServe efforts as "VETLink - the POINT MAN", VETLink #1 went on-line as a computer-based veteran center. Finally, in 1990, Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. and its outreach effort of VETLink #1 were granted Federal NonProfit Status. VETLink #1 has been joined by VETLink #2 in Herndon, VA and VETLink #3 in Cape Girardeau, MO. Although, as President of Berkshire Veterans' Center and sysop of VETLink #1, I received a few donations in equipment, software and monies for operating expenses, a salary (or even partial repayment for any of what I've done to get it off-the-ground) just wasn't feasible if we were to continue providing the service and camaraderie that had begun. I have approached many local persons - both in the private and public sectors - regarding funding VETLink #1 and the service it provides. There have also been both Federal and State requests for help - but all resulted in negative responses. VETLink #1 has continued for the last two months only thanks to some of YOU who have helped with your donations. In fact, the last two months were the FIRST two months that Berkshire Veterans Center, Inc. was able to pay its OWN telephone bill! Throughout the latter part of 1990, after successfully passing the NamVet Special Edition Page 112 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 US Postal Exam for a custodian's position, I appeared for a couple of interviews. One I was turned down for; the second was a positive and I had to go again to the Medical Department of the Post Office for a physical. The doctor requested information from the Veterans Administration concerning any of my disabilities. The VA didn't hurriedly respond and, just last Friday (3/8/91) I got some good news and some bad news. The GOOD news: I learned that the USPO doctor had determined that I COULD work for the Post Office if I wore my neck brace and reported at 30-day intervals for checkups at his office. The BAD news: the position for which I'd applied had been filled and there are no more openings. I've also been interviewed by the Veterans Administration in Albany, NY for a supply clerk's position. Wouldya believe THEY tried to talk me OUT of the position? (Statements such as: "With a Bachelor's degree in Sociology and quite an extensive background in electronics, don't you think you're a little overqualified for this position?" - and - "What guarantees do we have that you're going to STAY in this position?" - and - "Why is it that you're coming all the way over from Pittsfield (MA) to work? Don't you think you'll have problems in winter weather?" It seems it didn't matter to them when I told them I HAD to have a job, HAD to feed my family, HAD to save our house/home. I got a letter two weeks later telling me that I was not the person selected for the position. I received another from them about three weeks later asking me if I was available for a Clerk Typists position to which I promptly responded. Haven't heard a WORD from 'em - although I responded by their deadline date.) On 2 Jan 1991, I brought most - if not all - of the above to the attention of the Veterans Administration at a personal hearing in Boston, MA where I repeated and emphasized my VA claims with supporting documentation and statements. (There are a few years of service-connected entitlements they've conveniently "forgotten" to compensate me for - in addition to some other items.) To date, I have still heard nothing concerning my efforts - and the "private sector" employers still seem a tad reluctant to hire. And now, 26 years after volunteering for a mission and then having my whole life turned upside down and inside out, it kind of looks like another door is closing for me. We've received many final notices from our utility company's; HUD and the bank are standing in line to take our house and home; the registration on my car has been revoked 'cause I haven't been able to pay for the insurance (required here in Massachusetts), and if a job EVER happens with the Post Office, its going to come WAY TOO LATE to help anything. Very selfishly, perhaps, I've tried to use my OWN personal experiences with federal and state agencies, with various employers and veteran counseling services as a means of helping each of you out here in NamVetLand. Most of what has happened in MY life over the past few years is somewhat documented here in NamVet and in the VIETNAM_VETS echoconference. I can look back through all the echo-messages, through all the editorials and all the NamVets and, perhaps, find another way I COULD have done things - but, if I had the chance, I don't think I'd do anything other than what I've already done. I have tried my best, have not focussed my energies in only ONE direction, kept on keeping on - in the BEST and the WORST of all circumstances. First, foremost, and last - I sincerely give thanks to my wife, NamVet Special Edition Page 113 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Georgia, and our children for their patience as I've continued on with NamVet and all that I've tried to do with VIETNAM_VETS and our VetNet echoes. A son in the military; another son who'd entered prematurely and is now a civilian again; a brother, a niece and a nephew in Saudi Arabia; another niece now joining the military; a brother-in-law in school at Moffet Field NAS; and all of you out here have kept me going, kept me reaching; kept me searching for new avenues of outreach, new ways to show that "America DOES care!" All of NamVet's Section Editors, too are sincerely to be thanked for the work THEY'VE done! To all of you who continuously reminded me that I was digging a grave for myself with all of my efforts, I STILL say: "Not so! I'm not digging a grave! I'm constructing one of the finest foundations for 24-hour-a-day, nation- even world-wide veteran service that you can imagine!" To those others who might feel that this editorial might be an appeal for funding: It is NOT (although help would NOT be refused - just hard to accept ). I have ALWAYS held high the IMAGE of my brother and sister Vietnam Veterans and would not knowingly jeopardize, corrupt, nor taint it in even the remotest instance. I might have made some wrong moves (my wife would be the first to agree ), and I could have done things differently - but I've also SHARED what's happened so that we may ALL learn from it. THAT's what NamVet and VIETNAM_VETS is all about: SHARING and MAKING THE NEXT PERSON's JOURNEY A LITTLE EASIER! If I'm not back next month and there's no NamVet, you'll know I just didn't make it folks. Sorry - but I HAVE tried my best! The "footprints" I've left here should be easy to follow... They're footprints of a Vietnam Vet: One of the proudest, toughest, most persistent and determined veterans in all of American history! I'm proud I am one - I've worked hard to pay my dues! 'til next time Show a brother/sister veteran That YOU care!!! Ci'ao for Ni'ao - Joe - Managing Editor: NamVet 1988-1991 Moderator/EchoMail Coordinator: VIETNAM_VETS President: Berkshire Veterans' Center, Inc. P O Box 2056 Pittsfield, MA 01202 NamVet Special Edition Page 114 Volume 99, Number 1 March 19, 1991 Some Gave ALL ... Some Still Give!!! O O O SOME GAVE ALL ... ________O__________________________________O______________ ! O O ! ! pow mia pow mia - BRING THEM HOME NOW! - pow mia pow mia ! ! O O ! ! ~~~~~ ~ ~ O~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~~~~ ~~~~ O ~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ! ! ~~~~ ~ ~~ O ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~O~~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~ O~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~ ! ! ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~ O ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ O ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ O ~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ O ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ O ~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ O ~_~_~_~_~_ ~ O ~ ~~~~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~~~ ~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~ O ) O ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ /(O) / O \ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~ / / O \~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ! ! ~~ ~ ~ ~~ ~~ / PRISONER / \~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ / / MISSING \~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~ ! ! ~~~ ~ ~~ ~~ / OF /\ \~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~~~ ~~ ~ / / \ IN \~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ! ! ~~~ ~~~ ~ / WAR / ~~ \ \ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~ ~ / / ~ ~~ \ ACTION / ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~(__________/ ~~ ~~~ \ / ~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ! ! ~~~~~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~~~ \ / ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ! ! ~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ \ / ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~~~ ! ! ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ \ /~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~ ~ ! ! ~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~ SOME STILL GIVE ! ~ ~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ! ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~ ~ ~~~~ ~~~ ~~~~ ! ! mia pow mia pow - BRING THEM HOME NOW! - mia pow mia pow ! !__________________________________________________________! 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